We wish we could give you the formula to be able to differentiate between actual nice guys and pretend nice guys. A good rule of thumb is if he has to keep telling you he's nice, chances are he's lying either to you or to himself.
Actions speak louder than words. Make sure you pay for the signs early on, so you don't end up like these people who bravely shared their stories.
The Fine Line Between Care And Co-dependency
"He was so kind, polite, just an all-around amazing guy - I loved him but I just never fell in love with him.
Everything he did revolved around wanting to 'take care' of me. He just wanted to do everything for me so that I didn't have to. It really made me feel like I couldn’t be my own person or my own success story and that could never be if we stayed together." — Reddit / jukesy
A Serial Proposer
"He proposed to me after we worked on a group project. When I turned down this guy I barely knew and definitely never dated he stalked and harassed me for about half a year until he found his next 'true love'. He was a serial proposer." — Reddit / a-little-sleepy
The confusing part is why not simply ask them out first instead of full-on proposing? At least then you're not bound by law.
A Three Page Love Letter Upon Rejection
"I told him I wasn't interested after a few dates. He then pushed to know why until I was so frustrated that I just told him every little thing I disliked or wasn’t into about him.
He took it all in like research and then wrote me a three-page letter explaining how much he was into me and how he knew we could get past those things." — Reddit / ScoutAames
What Actually Happens Behind Closed Doors
The "nice" or "shy" guy identity often ends up being a facade. "Behind closed doors was a very insecure person. He took it out on everyone else.
Even after trying to work on it for months and always reassuring him, he ended up cheating on me several times and then hid behind the nice guy victim thing. " — Reddit / polariskai
"Accidentally" Blocked, Repeatedly
"He was the personification of a Southern Gentleman with an adorable "I can't technology" quirk. He managed to 'accidentally' block me for months at a time, repeatedly, on phones that didn't have a blocking capability. He wouldn't tell me where he lived after almost a year. He didn't even want me to go to his city for a night out. 'It's the man's job to come to the lady.'" – Reddit
It sounds like she was the side chick and he was keeping her at arm's length.
The Never Ending Rejection
"He lived in a different city so he said he'll book a hotel and come through. He says I can have the bed and he'll be a gentleman and have the sofa...I explained that he seems to have the wrong idea, I'm not going to a hotel with him and I feel uncomfortable, I don't want to meet.
He uses my phone number to add my snap chat and says he can see what street I'm on. I had to block him three times." — Reddit / tartankaboosemoose
"Nice" Is Actually Code For Insecure
"He was always nice to me but very easily jealous anytime another guy spoke to me. He felt like he needed to make me feel bad whenever other guys gave me a little attention.
He also had a horrible drinking problem and serious anger issues. And the whole time he was trying to woo me, he was also hooking up with his ex and ended up getting her pregnant." — Reddit / lyn90
A Police Report Shouldn't Be Required
"I ended up filing a police report and moving apartments because he didn't take it well when I broke up with him. He spent hours outside my apartment demanding an explanation because he just couldn't understand that I didn't want to be with him anymore. " — Reddit / jl370
It sounds like what all these "nice" guys have in common, is that they simply can't accept rejection.
The Confidence To Cheat
"He seemed a bit shy but goofy, smart, and genuinely kind when he approached me, so I agreed to go out and we hit it off at first. One day he was on Tinder in bed next to me and when called on it, he said that dating me had made him realize that he needed more confidence and experience with women and thus needed to date a lot more different people." — Reddit / caffeineawarnessclub
We're pretty sure that's not how confidence work. Might as well be single.
A Disguised Manipulator
"He was manipulative, controlling, and demanding. He'd make angry comments like 'I'm just trying to be romantic and you keep freaking out.' He still insisted that he was the nicest guy I'd ever meet." — Reddit / Grawgar
These guys don't understand that it's not enough to just say you're nice, you need to actually back it up in the way you treat your ladies.
Cheated One Month Before The Wedding
"Got another girl pregnant, a month before our wedding. But 'he's such a nice guy'." — Reddit / Lisags23
The silver lining is at least it happened before she was stuck in a legal marriage. We bet the woman he got pregnant was also convinced that he was "nice."
Being Controlling Is Not "Nice"
"Dated the 'nice guy' of my friend group because he was really interested in me and all my friends wanted me to give him a chance. I endured 6 months of him requesting my location at all times and showing up unannounced and uninvited when I was on nights out. He claimed his behavior was because he ‘had never dated someone as pretty as me’. Never again." — Reddit / therainandclouds
He was right about her being out of his league, but not for being too pretty, rather for being confident in her self-esteem.
A Simple Thank You Would Have Sufficed
"We fell in love and got married. I did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, nursed him after major surgery, and made him packed lunches. In return he'd remind me how lucky I was he wasn’t one of those terrible guys who went out drinking all the time and that I was so lucky to have such a nice guy.
He left me for a friend of mine and screwed me over financially by taking the bulk of our savings." — Reddit / Still-Waters-ASMR
Hit On For The First Time
"He went out bowling with his friends and then when he came home he complained to me that for the first time in his life a hot girl had hit on him while he was out, and he was unlucky enough to actually have a girlfriend. He seemed genuinely sad he had to turn her down and expected me to be grateful he did it. — Reddit
At that point, she should have warned him not to have the door hit on the way out.
Sometimes Even Actual Nice Guys, Lose Their Way
"I was with a nice guy once. He was absolutely incredible. But, he had clinical depression. Unfortunately, it got the best of him one day and he just ghosted. I haven't heard from him since." — Reddit / Devon620
Just because a guy is nice, it doesn't mean he's perfect. Let the lesson be that people aren't either nice or not. We all have our own issues to deal with.
In Conclusion, "Nice Guys" Is Nothing More Than A Label
"All the guys I have known or dated that felt it necessary to label themselves 'nice guys' turned out to absolutely awful humans. Either they had a bad temper, horrible morals, or just didn't want to take 'no' for an answer.
The actual nicest guys I've dated were the ones who didn't feel the need to label themselves 'nice guys'. In fact, the best of them usually warned me that they were not all that nice, but always turned out to be the sweetest." — Reddit / missunderstood80