Love isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes you feel trapped by it. Maybe you love someone you shouldn't, or you can't stop loving someone that you want to get over. Sometimes even in a relationship, you might love them and be unhappy.
If you're wondering, "Am I depressed?" here are some signs that can help you identify red flags.
You Feel Inferior In The Relationship
If you're made to feel smaller and less powerful than the person you love, you could fall into a depression. If the person you love dominates you rather than nurtures your love, you're going to find yourself in a power imbalance. This takes a psychological toll.
You Question If You're Good Enough
It can be hard to feel like you have to live up to a certain standard. Often, this is because you fear you'll lose them to someone else. It's important to notice if these standards are set by your partner, which is controlling, or if you're being too hard on yourself out of insecurity.
You're Scared They'll Leave You
You can't ever enjoy the present moment if you're always worried about the future. There is always a risk that a relationship won't work out, but there's no point in worrying about it until it happens. Otherwise, you'll begin acting out in anticipation instead of enjoying it.
You Feel Criticized
Even if your partner doesn't have negative intentions, if they keep making comments like, "I don't like your hair that way," it can add up and make you feel bad about yourself to the point of depression. If it's true love, consider speaking to your partner about it.
You Wonder "What Now?"
If you've found the love of your life, you might feel like you've achieved one of the important milestones in your life. Except now you don't know what to chase or look for in life anymore. You need new goals and a reason to not just get comfortable and let yourself go.
You're Afraid Of Settling
It's scary to commit to someone even if you're sure about them. Sometimes, it's not even about settling for the person, but you're afraid life will pass you by. You feel like you're giving up your freedom, independence, and ability to go on adventures just to sit on the couch with someone forever.
Remember that you can still go on adventures even in a committed relationship.
You Feel Like You've Lost A Part Of Yourself
When you're with someone for a long time, you start to take up their mannerisms, adapt to their lifestyle, and mimic their habits. Sometimes, you get to a point where you feel like you don't even know who you are anymore and begin to miss your old self.
It's possible to find a compromise where you can be who you want and do the things you love while living a lifestyle that works for both of you.
You're Changing Your Life For Someone Else
If you've had to move for your partner, or give up a job, or make some sort of big sacrifice for your relationship, it's natural to feel grief while you begin to adapt to the change.
However, no change has to be permanent, if you begin to feel you're changing too much and can't handle it, you don't need to feel stuck.
You're Doing Most Of The Compromising
A healthy relationship is about equal give and take. Often, that's not the case and one person in the relationship is doing most of the work. That can make you feel drained or even not valued enough. It's okay to gently remind your partner that you need a little bit more on their end.
Your Partner Is Easily Irritated
It's hard to see a person you love struggling. However, if they start to take it out on you, even unintentionally, to the point where you're constantly in fear of setting them off, then you've reached a toxic point. It's unfair for you to have to live in anxiety.
You Feel Like A Prisoner To Your Feelings
Sometimes you just can't get out of a bad cycle because of how much you love a person, even when you feel like you need to. It's never easy to let go of a person you love, but at that point, you need to weigh whether it's worth the pain you feel.
Your Mood Is Dependent On Their Actions
It's not uncommon to grow dependent on a partner. However, this has to have its limits. If you're finding your mood to be completely swayed by theirs and what they're saying to you that day, then you might be falling into unhealthy codependency.
Your Partner Keeps Making Threats
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to lose control and say hurtful things. However, if your partner makes comments about ending the relationship every time things aren't going their way, they're trying to break you into being controlled.
You Feel Undeserving Of Love
This can be rooted in a lot of prior experiences. You're focusing too hard on loving someone else rather than loving yourself and making sure they love you back. Everyone is deserving of love, and you are no exception.
You're Not Able To Be With The One You Really Want
Maybe it was due to circumstances, or maybe they didn't want you back, so you had to go and find someone else or be by yourself. Don't feel like this is the end of the world. They must have not been the right person for you, as much as you thought they were. Someone else is out there for you.
You Can't Spend Time With Any Of Your Other Loved Ones
Balance is still important with love. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean you have to give them all your time and only prioritize them. Friends and family keep you grounded, so make sure you take the time to see them, or you might start to feel empty.
You Get Told What To Do
Having a bossy personality is no excuse to demoralize someone by always getting them to do everything. It might start with small things like, "Can you grab the remote for me?" and keep on escalating without you noticing until you feel like a servant.
Make sure that you're working as a team and not for them. Otherwise, lack of agency can lead to depression.
Your Partner Doesn't Try Anymore
It's easy to get comfortable once the honeymoon phase is over and stop trying to impress your partner. However, you still need to feel special and valued and keep on igniting the spark to have a happy and long-lasting relationship.
You're Missing An Ex
You might have thought you moved on and were on to bigger and better things until something triggered those feelings you buried. This is especially hard if you didn't want the relationship to end. You know how the saying goes: "If you love someone, set them free, and if they come back it was meant to be."
Don't let the feeling of missing them take over you. Focus on the things that you can control.
You're Not Ready To Be In A Relationship
You were driven by love and rushed into something, and now you wish you had slow down. You wish you had enjoyed the process or maybe even spent more time alone building yourself independently.
Don't forget that you are in control of yourself and choices aren't irreversible.