Getting married is a pretty big deal. It’s not just a ceremony and signing a piece of paper—it’s also making a commitment to another person that, hopefully, both of you intended to keep for the rest of your lives, not just the foreseeable future.
Recently, a woman on Twitter named Soori shared a list of 20 things to ask before you agree to marry someone. She shares that she was engaged and that relationship fell apart, and asking these things may have shed more light on their situation.
Debt Is A Big One
Debt is one of the most stressful things that a person will endure. That’s why it’s important to discuss it with your partner and let each other know if you have substantial debt and what kind of debt you have.
It’s A Bigger Deal Than You Think
When it comes to committing yourself to another person, are you sure you understand the gravity of that commitment? Do you really see yourself with this person forever, or just for now?
Talking About Family Is A Big One
Wanting kids or not wanting kids is a very real reason that otherwise happy couples break up. No one should have to give up their hopes for their life because of another person unless they’ve seen it all laid out on the table.
Health Is Important
Whether or not you want to continue this into your relationship is up to you, but knowing that you’re both healthy when starting a new relationship is a good idea.
The Classic “Where Do You See Yourself?”
Maybe you don’t know exactly where you will be, but what do you want from your life? Do you want to stay where you are, or are you willing to move around? Are you going to hold each other back from your goals?
What Do You Believe In?
Your core beliefs are the things that are essential to you, the things that make you up. Ask yourself if you have matching morals. Do you think the same things are important?
Not Just Anger, But Any Mental Health Struggle
If you know that your mental health is something that you struggle with, or if you know that you can have an explosive temper, it’s important to be upfront about these things so no one is surprised when it comes up.
Your Heart Always Knows
If you took away all the reasons why you think that this person is the right person on paper, do you still feel in your gut that committing to this person is what you want to do?
Make Sure You’re Both Putting In An Effort
Obviously, your partner knows that you’re not going to look your best all the time, but pay attention to the effort you both put into trying to be attractive to the other person.
It’s Always A Big One
Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, but it is something that can greatly affect your relationship. Make sure you’re on the same page with your likes and dislikes and what your needs are.
Nothing Is As Stressful As Money
Talking about money is never going to be an easy conversation, but it is one of the most necessary. You’ll need to know where you stand what the expectations are with the money you make and how that will be shared when you’re a couple.
Is There An Age Difference?
Age doesn’t have to matter, but if there is a significant age gap, have a conversation about what’s going to happen as you grow and change and if they’ll still be able to give you the things you want, like a family when that time comes.
Always Talk About Your Boundaries
Talk about what your expectations are about how someone treats you and how they’re going to treat someone else. You don’t want to end up with someone and realize after the fact they’re not a good person.
How Do You Present Yourself Online?
Social media is a whole creature of its own. Make sure that you know where your partner stands on what’s appropriate to share online and what isn’t. You don’t have to have each other’s passwords and stuff, but be transparent.
Again, Always Discuss Money
Just like knowing what kind of debt you have, it’s good to talk about what you would do with your savings. Are you both willing to combine them to purchase something like a house, or are they only for yourself?
You’d Be Surprised What Some People Think
You would be shocked to know what some people think is cheating and what some people don’t consider cheating. That’s why it’s important you talk about your definitions of cheating so you know where you stand.
Has Either Of You Experienced Abuse?
This is another conversation about boundaries that you need to have, and it might be one to involve other people in if you’re worried about how it will go. However, if it is worrying to you, ask yourself, is that acceptable?
It’s A Big Convo, But A Necessary One
No one likes to talk about dying, especially if you’re talking about potentially dying before “your time.” Nothing is going to change the reality that it will happen one day, and making sure that you and your loved ones are prepared is smart.
Understand The Work That Goes Into Relationships
Even when relationships are good, they’re a lot of work. You have to wake up every day and commit to wanting to work on things. Sometimes, love isn’t enough to keep a relationship strong.
Ask What’s Really Important
At the end of the day, you’re going to be the one who knows what’s best for you. Don’t let superficial things be the guideposts you use to decide if someone is the right person for you.