Why ‘Slow Dating’ Could Be The Secret To Finding Lasting Love

Anyone who has been using dating apps for a long time knows what it’s like to throw in the towel for a few weeks or months because of swipe fatigue. You get tired of matching with people that you never end up talking to, or swiping through an endless stream of faces.

When it comes to combatting your never-ending swiping habit, one way to find your lasting love is to go old-school and try slow dating.

Is Slow Dating Just Dating Slowly?

couple outside seated on grass
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Helena Lopes
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Helena Lopes

Look, you could probably guess what “slow dating” entails just by the name; it’s fairly self-explanatory, but there’s a little bit more to it than just taking things slowly on a date or in a relationship.

Where’d It Come From?

couple swinging from tree
Photo Credit: Pexels / Artem Beliaikin
Photo Credit: Pexels / Artem Beliaikin

You know what it means to take it slow in a relationship, but the actual concept of “slow dating” comes from a French dating app—at least according to the creators.

You Can Thank “Once” For Slow Dating

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrej Lisakov
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrej Lisakov

The creators of the French dating app “Once” take credit for coining the term “slow dating.” The concept behind the app is that you limit the number of times you engage with people on apps, so their app only allows one match per day.

It Will Curb Your Fatigue

dating app home screen on iphone
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images

Thanks to the one match a day idea, you not only limit the number of times you engage with someone on a dating app, but you also limit the overall time you spend on the app, which helps to limit your swipe fatigue.

Once’s CEO Wants You To Put The Phone Down

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ernan Solozabal
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ernan Solozabal

The CEO of the popular app acknowledges that since you’re only matching with one person a day, you might not necessarily click with that person. His hope is that the app and the concept encourage people to make meaningful connections, but also put their phones away and go do something else altogether.

Since You Probably Don’t Live In France

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Hian Oliveira
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Hian Oliveira

Considering it’s a French dating app, people who don’t live in France are not able to use it, which is why the concept of slow dating is more widely known abroad.

It Used To Be The Norm

man with flowers behind back
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

The idea of slow dating is not a new one. In fact, it used to just be called “dating.” You focused on dating one or maybe two people in the beginning, and you got to know people before making decisions about them.

There Are Too Many Choices Now

woman at table on phone
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tamara Bellis
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tamara Bellis

With the plethora of dating apps and services available to people, you can treat dating more like a job interview where you sift through various candidates to find the right person. The problem is that you might never actually make a meaningful connection that way.

The Experts Agree With This Method

couple outside dnacing on hillside?
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Oana Craciun
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Oana Craciun

Whoever these omniscient dating experts are, they agree that slow dating is the way for you to find a partner that’s actually going to last—if that’s what you’re looking for.

Going On Fewer Dates Actually Increases Your Chances

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matt Mariannelli
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matt Mariannelli

Contrary to what you might believe, consciously dating fewer people or accepting fewer dates can lead to more success. The idea that dating fewer people means less success comes from a place of fear, but the reality is far more positive.

Don’t Overwhelm Yourself

man on phone tinder matches
Photo Credit: Erin Clark for The Boston Globe via Getty Images
Photo Credit: Erin Clark for The Boston Globe via Getty Images

Part of the problem with going on too many dates or spending too much time with people you’re not interested in is that you can become overwhelmed. Limiting your matches or dates gives you the opportunity to focus, pay attention, identify red flags or positive attributes, and figure out what you actually want.

You Can Implement It On The Apps You Already Have

hong kong dating app folder on phone
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images

Though the French dating app isn’t available, you can easily implement a slow dating approach using whatever apps you already have downloaded, or whatever apps you’re going to redownload since you recently gave up on love and deleted them all.

Call It “Thoughtful Dating” Instead

swiping left on tinder profile
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Rather than calling it “slow dating,” you can think of it as a more thoughtful approach to dating. If you want a meaningful connection, take the time to look through someone’s whole profile, notice if you have hobbies in common or photos in similar places, then choose if you want to swipe right. No snap judgments.

You’ve Got A Match, Now What?

tinder home search screen
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Thoughtful, slow dating goes beyond the extra consideration you’re making before you’re swiping right. The idea applies to the entire dating process, so once you’ve got a match, you’ve got to keep it going.

Make Your First Date Super Interesting

couple in forest sitting on car
Photo Credit: Pexels / Taryn Elliott
Photo Credit: Pexels / Taryn Elliott

Do your best to not fall into the interview-style first date, where you meet for coffee and end up firing questions back and forth at one another.

Try out a new activity or visiting a fun new restaurant. You’d be surprised what you’ll learn about someone from actually doing an activity with them rather than just asking if they have any siblings.

Dive Past The Surface Level

man and woman deep conversation starbucks
Photo Credit: Pexels / Eduardo Simoes Neto Junior
Photo Credit: Pexels / Eduardo Simoes Neto Junior

Don’t be afraid to be the person who wants to get deep early in the relationship. The only way you’re going to find someone who’s truly right for you is if you’re willing to be open, and you should expect the same of them.

Having initial conversations about values, career goals, or personal interests helps to establish the connection.

Put Your Phone Down

couple clinking glasses on date
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Helena Lopes
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Helena Lopes

The goal of slow dating is to spend less time on apps and less time on your phone, so you should actually try to do that. Even if you’re using Bumble or Tinder for your own version of thoughtful dating, limit the number of swipes for yourself, and don’t aimlessly swipe on a Thursday night while binge-watching Selling Sunset.

Think About Your Own Profile

tinder log in for home screen
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Yu Chun Christopher Wong/S3studio/Getty Images

As much as you’re going to be critiquing and deciding on other peoples’ profiles, you need to make sure your own profile is an accurate depiction of yourself. Put some effort into your bio, choose your best or most interesting photos and it’ll pay off.

It’s Ideal For The Busy, Driven Person

man using facetime on phone with man
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Harry Cunningham
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Harry Cunningham

The idea of slow dating might not sound interesting at all to you, and that’s okay! It’s the perfect concept for the person who knows exactly what they’re looking for. They’ve done their dating, they’ve had their hookups, and now they’re ready to find someone who fits in with their life.

Slow Dating Could Be The End Of Your Swiping Days

deleting tinder meeting
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images

If you’re willing to put in the effort now, it’s going to pay off in the long run. After a little bit of intentional slow dating, you could find yourself deleting those dating apps forever.