Why Ignoring Them Makes Them Want You More
OK, before you get any ideas, I am not here to condone mind games and unnecessary dating manipulation. But I will say that in the early stages of dating and getting to know someone, ignoring some of their texts for a short period can have some benefits. Here's why.
They Feel Like They Can't Have You
You're not here for just anyone to have you. You are unique and worth having someone want you for the right reasons.
When they stop assuming that they can just have you wherever or whenever, they realize that they will actually need to put in the work if they want to keep you.
They Realize Your Life Doesn't Revolve Around Them
You are busy with your own routine, chores, and hobbies, so it's okay not to be available to answer them right away all the time. You want to know if they're a good match and if your lives will naturally mesh together. You don't want to have to change yourself or your life for someone else.
Plus, being busy cultivating a rich and full life is actually quite attractive.
It Reassures Them You're Not "One of The Clingy Ones"
It shouldn't be your job to break an entire stereotype of people being clingy early on in relationships. But at the same time, it doesn't hurt to dispel that impression early if this is someone you're interested in.
Not always replying right away shows you're not just sitting there all day waiting for them to text and getting mad at them for taking so long.
It Keeps You Distracted
Dating is nerve-wracking. You are putting yourself in a vulnerable place, not even yet knowing if it'll be worth it.
Naturally, it ends up occupying a large portion of your thoughts and can induce anxiety when you don't fully know what's going on. That's why it's only healthy to take breaks from it in your day to refocus your energy and attention.
It Makes Them Miss You
When you don't always know what another person you're interested in is doing, you can't help but wonder. You're really using the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" to your advantage here.
It also gives you something to talk about when you do speak to each other again.
It Keeps Their Ego In Check
Not everyone has a big ego, but sometimes people thrive on feeling in control. This can drive them to unintentionally either take advantage of you or create a power dynamic in which expectations slowly build up, and before you realize it, you're the one doing most of the work.
If you show them from the beginning that you will not be a doormat, you avoid those expectations.
It Shows Your Value
Your value and worth aren't given to you by other people, they're built by you and no one else. It depends on your choices and your actions. Taking time away from your phone shows that you love yourself and will put yourself first.
You're not even doing it to prove a point. You're doing it because you are actually worthy of the time to focus and work on yourself.
Make Sure It's Only In Reasonable Doses
It's important to point out that constantly actively ignoring someone will actually backfire. It will just come off as playing games and manipulation.
In the long run, if there is mutual interest and chemistry, then only allow it when you actually can't make it to the phone and gently let them know you busy.
It Keeps A Relationship's Progress Gradual
It's easy to get caught up in something new and exciting and rush into a relationship. This is actually how relationships often fail.
Minimizing contact to a certain degree slows down progress and keeps you curious about one another.
You Establish Healthy Space From The Get-Go
When you aren't constantly texting and talking about nothing, you take some space apart to think about what you actually need and want from each other.
Rather than becoming that couple that spends 24 hours a day together, you learn to both keep your independence and individuality.
It Gets Them More Curious About You
When you don't really know someone yet, you can get stuck in an endless loop of small talk. When you take some time away to do your own thing, you can share what you were up to when you do eventually get back to them.
You're slowly letting them in on what your life is like.
It Encourages Relying Less On Texts And More On In-Person Interactions
In our age of technology, it's very easy to put on a persona through a screen and not actually be able to get to know a person.
There is a certain personality flare that can only be transmitted through voice and body language, so it's okay if you're not texting all the time. Make the time to meet in person instead.
Don't Ignore Them Just Because They're Ignoring You
This is a mind game that we're not encouraging. Ignoring someone just so they know how it feels creates an unhealthy foundation for vindictive behavior.
Instead, call them out to let them know it upsets you, or end it. Evaluate if they were genuinely busy and didn't mean to keep you waiting, or if they were playing with you and not being respectful of your time.
It Makes Them Regret Certain Actions
When you're ignoring someone, they'll naturally wonder why. Some will start to pick their brain going through everything they might have done wrong.
This might encourage awareness that could be enough to get them to regret those things and not repeat them.
It Sets Expectations
You deserve more than to settle, right? When you ignore someone in the right circumstances, you set the expectation that you will not tolerate them mistreating you and that you will not settle for a relationship where you're not both putting in an effort.
This kind of mentality will carry on throughout the relationship.
You'll Learn To Thrive In Uncertainty
One of the reasons dating is so hard is that you never know what's going to happen. You basically have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable without any assurance that you’ll get what you want.
But there are certain aspects that you can control, such as how you manage your time, effort, and actions towards a certain person. This will make you feel more in control and okay with however it plays out.
You'll Be Able To Keep A Balanced Power Dynamic
A healthy relationship is based on equal give and take. This means it's okay for them to get too busy to reply sometimes, just like it's okay for you to take time to focus on yourself instead of giving someone attention.
The problem starts when one of you is constantly waiting on the other and still answering them right away.
You'll Stop Ignoring Yourself
When you stop putting your energy and attention into someone else and all the work that comes with figuring out early dating, then you're able to put that effort into loving yourself.
Put your phone away and have a glass of wine and a bath, and see how refreshed you feel.
It Gives You Insight Into How Interested They Really Are
How a person reacts to you ignoring them a little might end up revealing how invested they are in you. If they check in and respect your space, then you've probably got a keeper.
On the other hand, if they don't notice and start ignoring you too, then maybe you should reconsider.
Who Doesn't Like A Bit Of A Challenge?
When something comes easy, sometimes it loses a bit of its value. But when you feel as though you earned it, you prize it.
You put more effort into not breaking it for as long as possible. It's like setting a foundation.
They Might Not Have Anyone Else To Talk To
Once you're no longer at their beck and call, they might come back to you after they've had a bad day or need to talk to someone.
They might only be contacting you because they're looking for emotional support, but it's up to you to decide if you're okay with that or not.
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
It's a cliché, but it's also the truth.
Give them the chance to miss you, to see how they feel when they don't have constant access to you, and they might realize they actually miss you or crave your attention.
A Necessary PSA: This Is Not A Foolproof Idea
There is no guarantee that you ignoring someone is going to make them come running back to you.
It doesn't matter if it worked on them before or you've used the strategy on someone else. Everyone is going to react differently.
There's A Thin Line To Walk
If you ignore him for too long, or if you ignore him too frequently, he could end up thinking that you're not interested or that you're rude, which obviously isn't the goal.
It's a tough balance to strike, and you're going to need to be pretty in-tune with the vibes if this is going to work.
They Might See Right Through It
Choosing to strategically ignore someone in order to spark their interest again could work, or it could backfire and they could see right through what you're doing.
They might realize what you're doing and realize they have no interest in playing games.
You Have To Know When To Call It Quits
I can't say exactly how long you should keep this up before you give up, but there's definitely a limit.
It could be time to admit that they're not playing hard to get; they're just not interested anymore.
So What If It Doesn't Work?
Okay, so you've committed all that time to ignoring him just the right amount, but he still hasn't come running back to you.
What are you supposed to do now? You've got a couple of options.
You Could Simply Be Honest
Sorry to break it to you, but being honest with the person is always going to be your best shot at getting your desired outcome.
Tell them why you're upset or that you're still interested in them or whatever the reason behind you ignoring them is, and see how they react.
Look At How You've Felt During This Time
While putting all your effort into making it seem like you are unavailable or living your best life without them, you might realize that it's actually true.
Think about why you want this person in your life and maybe reevaluate.
Maybe It's Time To Move On
You've done everything you thought you were supposed to do, you've played the games, and yet they're still not chasing you.
Your final step is to come to terms with that and move on. Spend your time and energy on finding a person who is as interested in you as you are in them.
It Could Bring Them Pain
Be careful, as ignoring someone or ghosting them can bring them pain, especially if your goal is to see how much impact your actions have on them.
You'll end up causing doubt in their mind, and the effects of that could be damaging to their self-esteem.
Ask Yourself Why You Want To Try This Method
We do need a moment to play devil's advocate. We've established that ignoring someone is essentially giving them the silent treatment.
While this does sometimes work for getting their attention, ask yourself what you're really doing. You might just be using a passive-aggressive way to get their attention rather than facing the reason they weren't paying attention in the first place.
It Could Also Be A Gift
While we don't always endorse ignoring someone to get your way, in certain situations, it's like you're giving them a gift...the gift of missing you.
It's okay to give them space and let them think about you a little bit so they remember how special you are.
It Also Depends On How Well You Know Each Other
Ignoring someone might work in the early stages of dating, but not necessarily with someone you know well. That's because early on, you don't want to come off too eager or needy anyway, so it's okay not to give them all your attention.
Someone who knows you and is used to talking to you often could take this as an offense and cause your plan to backfire. Then you could actually lose them.
Don't Just Pretend You're Too Busy
One big mistake people often make with the ignoring them strategy is that they're just pretending to be fine, cool, and busy, when they're secretly just obsessing over their next text.
Instead of just ignoring them as a tactic and pretending to have a full life, actually cultivate a fun and rich life. Then you'll genuinely be too busy living your best life, which is more attractive.
It May Be More Energy Than It's Worth
Ignoring someone takes a lot of energy, sometimes more so than actually talking about whatever is bothering you.
You have to actively remind yourself to not respond to text messages, reach out, or tag them in a funny meme.
It's All About Balance
Think of dating as a dance. You're dancing around trying to not be needy but not playing mind games.
Mind games are manipulative and build toxic foundations for a relationship. Even if ignoring them gets you what you want, it may lead to bigger issues down the line.
Remember That They Can't Read Your Mind
Don't expect them to just know why you're ignoring them or even notice that you are. They might ignore you back just on the assumption that you don't want them reaching out.
You could consider actually talking to them, instead, about what's bothering you and the reasons why you considered ignoring them in the first place.
Consider That You May Be The Problem
You might think you are ignoring them to fix the problem, but in fact, you have trouble expressing how you feel.
Consider that the issue might be rooted in your own insecurities and your fear of expressing your need for more of their attention. Or even for wanting attention from someone who wasn't willing to readily give it to you.
You Shouldn't Need To Change Yourself
At the end of the day, for a real and healthy connection, you want to be your authentic self. That means having the room to call them as much as feels necessary and adequate to you.
You shouldn't have to change yourself to resist your needs and ignore them or pretend you're too busy and basically be someone that you're not.