Dating Coach Explains Why ‘Butterflies’ On The Third Date Is Actually A Red Flag

When seeing someone new, we’ve all experienced butterflies before, and you’d probably expect them to be a green flag that you like the person you’re dating.

But one dating coach on TikTok explains why those “butterflies” might actually be a red flag, and it has to do with your nervous system.

Dating Someone New

You’ve gone on a few dates with someone new and you’re having a great time. Every time you see them, you feel as you did the first time you met them: nervous, shy, and even a bit lightheaded.

Monarch butterfly on pink flowers
Photo Credit: Damien Dan / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Damien Dan / Unsplash

But, experiencing butterflies a few times into seeing a new person should be a good sign that you like them, right?

The TikTok

Lauren Zoeller, also known as @coachlaurenzoeller on TikTok, is a self-described “dating coach” and uses her platform to help people find their “dream relationship.”

Woman sits down on looks off camera while smiling slightly.
Photo Credit: @laurenzoeller / Instagram
Photo Credit: @laurenzoeller / Instagram

One of her TikTok’s went viral for discussing something that everyone is familiar with when they start dating—butterflies. “Ten red flags to look out for when dating,” she says. “Butterflies after the third date.”

Butterflies

In the video, Lauren says that if a person experiences butterflies after having already been dating for a while, specifically past the third date, it’s a red flag that people need to pay attention to.

Blonde woman looks at the camera and the caption reads:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

“[It’s] actually a sign from your nervous system that something is not right about the relationship,” she says.

Can Butterflies Be A Red Flag?

Lauren adds, “True intimacy will come with someone who feels like home and is not unsafe to your nervous system.”

Woman looks at camera and caption reads:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

In her opinion, butterflies can be a red flag that the relationship is not safe, or that a person needs to do some “deeper healing.”

Your Nervous System

Lauren says that when people are dating someone new for the first time, it’s perfectly normal to experience a bit of anxiety as you’re getting to know a person.

Woman looks at camera and caption reads:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

But if that anxiety has not faded after some time, then your body is trying to tell you something and that it’s time to go.

A Feeling Of Home

Lauren ends her 42-second video by saying, “Honor yourself. You want someone that feels like home.”

Woman looks at camera and caption:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

Her TikTok garnered a variety of opinions, and TikTok users had a lot to say regarding whether or not there was any truth to her claims.

The Truth Is In The Butterflies

Many users supported Lauren’s claim and believed that butterflies were an accurate way of determining how close you feel to someone. Other people said they wish it was something they’d listened to earlier.

TikTok comment:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

“Yeah, didn’t know that in my 20s. Ended up being with the guy for almost two years before I broke it off,” one user wrote.

Butterflies Or No Butterflies?

Other people meanwhile were doubtful of Lauren’s claim and just how accurate “butterflies” are.

TikTok comment:
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok
Photo Credit: @coachlaurenzoeller / TikTok

They said that they’ve experienced butterflies before, but have felt them at different intervals of the dating process, while others said they’ve never experienced butterflies at all.