What Is ‘Duty Dating’ And Should You Be Doing It?
When it comes to dating, everyone has an idea about what you should or shouldn't be doing to find your person—or even just a person.
Your friend who found her boyfriend on Bumble is convinced you should try dating apps, whereas your coworker who met his wife through a mutual friend says you should wait to find someone naturally.
There's always going to be a new method of dating or a new something to try, and "duty dating" is yet another one of those ideas.
So What Is It?
Duty dating is a concept that mostly applies to women, though you could definitely use it if you're a man—you just might not find it as effective. It's the idea that women should say yes to every man who asks them out.
Wait, Every Man?
That's right. Duty dating means that you say yes to going on a date with anyone who asks, no matter who they are or whether or not you're actually into them.
What's The Point Of That?
The point of it is for women who have been single for a long time or women who are trying to break a string of bad relationships to meet new people without limiting themselves based on the criteria they usually stick to.
Stay As Open-Minded As Possible
The goal of "dating" used to be to see a few people at once or go out with a few people a couple of times until you decide who you're interested in, which is what the goal of duty dating is.
There Are Rules To Follow
Just like anything fun that you do in life, there are rules to follow when it comes to duty dating so you can make sure that you're giving it the good ol' college try.
You Say Yes To Every Person Who Asks
Regardless of if you only date men who are as tall as NBA players, or you refuse to date any man who claims that "Saturdays are for the boys," if an average-sized frat boy asks you out, you say yes. It doesn't matter if all of your ex-boyfriends look like a carbon copy of each other because you have a specific type; that type is now forgotten.
You See At Least Three People At A Time
In order to keep your options open, you have to be seeing at least three people at one time, so you better brush up on your multi-tasking skills. Forget about dating for marriage or focusing in on one person after one great date. You always have to have three people to call on a Saturday night.
Disclaimer: Be Honest With Your Dates About This
Some people would have no issue with you dating more than one person at the same time in the beginning because you're still getting to know each other, but other people prefer to be the only person you're seeing right from the beginning. Be honest with your date about what you're doing to save yourself some trouble moving forward.
Rule Number Three Is The Rule Of Three
Every person that you go out with has to be given a fair shot, so you have to go on three dates with every person. No matter how terrible the first date was or how painfully awkward it was, if they want two more dates, they get them.
Do Men Nowadays Even Ask Any Women Out?
You're probably thinking to yourself that this is a ridiculous concept because where are you going to find three men to take you out in any given week? But it's possible. Don't expect every cashier at the grocery store or barista at the coffee shop to ask you out, but there are these hip, fun things called dating apps that could really help you out.
Try Not To Overthink It
Stop thinking about dating as a means to an end, and just use it as a way to meet new people. Even if the dates go badly, you end up with some great stories to tell your friends—or, best-case scenario, you find someone you might not normally have considered.
The Method Has Mixed Reviews
When it comes to duty dating, there's a bit of a mixed reaction to the concept. One of the biggest concerns among women is safety, but also the idea of being forced to go out with someone you know you don't like.
First Of All, Safety
Obviously, the idea of saying yes to every man that asks you out brings up a major red flag when it comes to safety. Saying yes to "every man" means saying yes to every man that you're at least 80% confident is not a serial killer.
Always Plan Public Dates
If you're saying yes to someone you don't know already, i.e., a complete stranger you met on a dating app, rather than a friend who has professed his love for you recently, plan a date somewhere public.
Have a friend tag along to hide at the next table over or text your roommate your location just in case.
Why Would I Keep Going Out With Someone I Don't Like?
The idea behind going out with someone even if the first date went terribly is that they could redeem themselves. He might have been super nervous or had other things on his mind that led to a bad first impression, but by the time the third date rolls around, you could be looking forward to it. Worse comes to worst, you never see each other again after those three dates.
What If My Dates Don't Show Up?
There's a good chance that if you're aiming to go out on at least three dates a week, you're going to come across a few flaky men who cancel at the last minute or ghost you. Unfortunately, it's part of the modern dating game, but you can just move on to your next match!
You're Definitely Going To Get Tired Of It At Times
After a few too many bad dates in one week (or even just one particularly terrible one), you might be tired of duty dating and be ready to resign yourself to the life of a spinster. If you can, try to make the next date you go on something particularly outrageous or fun, or go with someone you've been looking forward to seeing.
It's Definitely Not For Everyone
People who have success with duty dating will tell you that it's something everyone has to try, but it's not going to be right for every person. If you're someone who doesn't like meeting new people or who needs a lot of time to themselves during the week, going on three to four dates with different people probably isn't going to work for you.
Try To Step Outside Of Whatever Your Comfort Zone Is
This version of duty dating might not be for you, but that doesn't mean you couldn't alter it for yourself. Start by saying you want to say yes to going out with a new boy every two weeks, or even once a month, then go from there!
The Positives Outweigh The Negatives
As far as "should you do it?" goes, the positive effects of duty dating seem to outweigh the negatives. You get to meet new people, you'll be less nervous on dates because you've got plenty of practice, you might get a few free meals out of it or have new experiences you never would've thought of, and you might even find love.
