One of the worst things you’re going to go to face in your life is the fact that you’re not going to always like the person your friend is dating. There are a lot of losers out there, and it’s bound to happen that one or two of them are going to make their way into your life at one point or another.
Here’s the thing, though. When you don’t like your friend’s boyfriend, is it that big of a deal?
Before Having That Dreaded Conversation Ask Yourself Some Questions
Before you go telling someone you don’t like their boyfriend, there are some things you should think about first. Mostly, you should make sure that you can have a strong argument instead of just coming to them saying, “your man blows.”
Here’s A Big One: Why Don’t You Like Him?
Ok this one goes without saying, but if you’re going to start hating on your friend’s new man, ask yourself why. Do you get bad vibes? Is it just that he’s super smug and pretentious? Have you heard bad things about him? You have to have these things locked and loaded because your friend is going to ask if you bring it up.
Can You See What Your Friend Might See In Him?
Is there any part of him that’s a redeeming quality? You have to try and put yourself into her shoes for a minute and see if you can see the appeal at all to this new person she’s with.
Would Getting To Know Them Help?
Could it simply be that you don’t know them well enough? It’s possible that they could have just not made enough of an impression the first time you met. Sometimes people are shy or really introverted, or found meeting their new girlfriend’s best friends intimidating!
Ask Your Other Friends What They Think
Check with other people who have met him and see what they think. Are they team new boyfriend or no? Knowing whether or not it’s just you or something you’re all feeling will help validate what is on your mind.
Remember Your Friend’s Happiness Comes Before Anything Else
The thing you should be worried about most is your friend’s happiness. So, of course, there are going to be times when you think she could do better than the person she’s dating. But, if she’s happy and he’s not a psycho, maybe that’s what matters?
Give It A Bit Of Time
Don’t write him off right away if you don’t love him after meeting him for the first time. Spend a little bit more time with him and also let yourself have time to adjust to your friend having a new man in her life.
Do Your Best Not To Make Them A Villian
If he’s not a terrible person, try and not hate him or villainize him. You don’t know him well enough to make any snap judgments and give him the benefit of the doubt unless he’s done something to prove he absolutely does not deserve it.
Recognize That You’re A Bit Biased
You obviously want the best of your friend and you see her as this incredible human being who deserves everything amazing in the world. You might be a bit biased in thinking that no one is going to be good enough for her.
But What Do You Do When You Think He’s A Bad Person?
Alright, but what happens if you’ve got this feeling in your gut that he is a bad person. Have you heard some things through the grapevine that makes you think he’s questionable? Do you see him say or do things that you don’t like?
Watch How They Treat Each Other
One way to see if he’s actually a bad guy or not is to pay attention to how they are when they’re together. Is he controlling? Does she change a lot when he’s around?
Listen To How She Talks About Him When He’s Not Around
When she’s talking about him and it’s just you girls, what does she say? Is she defending him a lot? Complaining? Or not even talking about him at all? These could all be red flags.
Pay Attention To How He Treats Other People
You’ve heard it before, but the way someone treats waitstaff says a lot about them. But it isn’t just that. The way a person treats people they don’t really know or who are helping them says a lot about them.
Share Your Feelings When It’s Appropriate
So, the time has come for you to share with your friend how you’re feeling. Make sure that you wait until the right time to bring these things up to them and do it in a constructive way. Don’t attack them. Express your feelings and remind them that it’s only because you love them.
Be Prepared For Them Not To Take It Well
It’s possible that she’s not going to take it well and get a little bit defensive. This is her boyfriend we are talking about after all, but hopefully, she’ll calm down eventually and you can talk it out peacefully.
Things Might Get Awkward
Until then, things might be a little bit awkward and you might feel like you’re walking on eggshells around one another, especially if she’s not agreeing with what you’re saying.
Remember That She Isn’t You
You’re not the same person and you’re going to want different things from life and from your relationship. Sometimes your views just aren’t going to line up and that’s OK! As long as she isn’t being hurt.
It’s Probably Not Worth Losing Your Friendship Over
Think about how important this relationship is to you with your friend and think about if her new relationship is worth not having her in your life over. You’ll figure out a way to make it work.
If All Else Fails, Let It Go
Sometimes you have to accept that you and your friend aren’t going to see eye to eye on things. This new guy might be around for a while or he might not be, but what’s most important is your friendship.
Remind Them That You’ll Always Be There
Remind her that you’re always there for her and if you’re worried that she’s in a relationship that could turn abusive, remember to always check in on her and offer her resources, even if she isn’t asking for them and helping her with them when she does.