What To Do When Your Friend Starts Dating Someone You Don’t Like

One of the worst things you’re going to go to face in your life is the fact that you’re not going to always like the person your friend is dating. There are a lot of losers out there, and it’s bound to happen that one or two of them are going to make their way into your life at one point or another.

Here’s the thing, though. When you don’t like your friend’s boyfriend, is it that big of a deal?

Before Having That Dreaded Conversation Ask Yourself Some Questions

friends taking a picture together
Photo Credit: Pexels / Zhaocan Li
Photo Credit: Pexels / Zhaocan Li

Before you go telling someone you don’t like their boyfriend, there are some things you should think about first. Mostly, you should make sure that you can have a strong argument instead of just coming to them saying, “your man blows.”

Here’s A Big One: Why Don’t You Like Him?

woman standing in a field looking right at the camera
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay

Ok this one goes without saying, but if you’re going to start hating on your friend’s new man, ask yourself why. Do you get bad vibes? Is it just that he’s super smug and pretentious? Have you heard bad things about him? You have to have these things locked and loaded because your friend is going to ask if you bring it up.

Can You See What Your Friend Might See In Him?

a picture of a guy wearing sunglasses
Photo Credit: Pexels / Daniel Xavier
Photo Credit: Pexels / Daniel Xavier

Is there any part of him that’s a redeeming quality? You have to try and put yourself into her shoes for a minute and see if you can see the appeal at all to this new person she’s with.

Would Getting To Know Them Help?

guy and girl having coffee together
Photo Credit: Pexels / August de Richelieu
Photo Credit: Pexels / August de Richelieu

Could it simply be that you don’t know them well enough? It’s possible that they could have just not made enough of an impression the first time you met. Sometimes people are shy or really introverted, or found meeting their new girlfriend’s best friends intimidating!

Ask Your Other Friends What They Think

friends hanging out in someone's house
Photo Credit: Pexels / Daria Shevtsova
Photo Credit: Pexels / Daria Shevtsova

Check with other people who have met him and see what they think. Are they team new boyfriend or no? Knowing whether or not it’s just you or something you’re all feeling will help validate what is on your mind.

Remember Your Friend’s Happiness Comes Before Anything Else

friends drinking beers together on a patio
Photo Credit: Pexels / ELEVATE
Photo Credit: Pexels / ELEVATE

The thing you should be worried about most is your friend’s happiness. So, of course, there are going to be times when you think she could do better than the person she’s dating. But, if she’s happy and he’s not a psycho, maybe that’s what matters?

Give It A Bit Of Time

friends hanging out outside while the sun goes down
Photo Credit: Pexels / Helena Lopes
Photo Credit: Pexels / Helena Lopes

Don’t write him off right away if you don’t love him after meeting him for the first time. Spend a little bit more time with him and also let yourself have time to adjust to your friend having a new man in her life.

Do Your Best Not To Make Them A Villian

a guy fixing his shirt
Photo Credit: Pexels / Chloe Kala
Photo Credit: Pexels / Chloe Kala

If he’s not a terrible person, try and not hate him or villainize him. You don’t know him well enough to make any snap judgments and give him the benefit of the doubt unless he’s done something to prove he absolutely does not deserve it.

Recognize That You’re A Bit Biased

woman sitting on some stairs
Photo Credit: Pexels / nappy
Photo Credit: Pexels / nappy

You obviously want the best of your friend and you see her as this incredible human being who deserves everything amazing in the world. You might be a bit biased in thinking that no one is going to be good enough for her.

But What Do You Do When You Think He’s A Bad Person?

guy sitting in the dark
Photo Credit: Pexels / JESSICA TICOZZELLI
Photo Credit: Pexels / JESSICA TICOZZELLI

Alright, but what happens if you’ve got this feeling in your gut that he is a bad person. Have you heard some things through the grapevine that makes you think he’s questionable? Do you see him say or do things that you don’t like?

Watch How They Treat Each Other

a couple having an argument
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto

One way to see if he’s actually a bad guy or not is to pay attention to how they are when they’re together. Is he controlling? Does she change a lot when he’s around?

Listen To How She Talks About Him When He’s Not Around

friends talking in a coffee shop together looking at a phone
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto

When she’s talking about him and it’s just you girls, what does she say? Is she defending him a lot? Complaining? Or not even talking about him at all? These could all be red flags.

Pay Attention To How He Treats Other People

friends standing around on the roof
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro

You’ve heard it before, but the way someone treats waitstaff says a lot about them. But it isn’t just that. The way a person treats people they don’t really know or who are helping them says a lot about them.

Share Your Feelings When It’s Appropriate

two friends having a talk
Photo Credit: Pexels / Christina Morillo
Photo Credit: Pexels / Christina Morillo

So, the time has come for you to share with your friend how you’re feeling. Make sure that you wait until the right time to bring these things up to them and do it in a constructive way. Don’t attack them. Express your feelings and remind them that it’s only because you love them.

Be Prepared For Them Not To Take It Well

friends after having an argument
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anna Shvets
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anna Shvets

It’s possible that she’s not going to take it well and get a little bit defensive. This is her boyfriend we are talking about after all, but hopefully, she’ll calm down eventually and you can talk it out peacefully.

Things Might Get Awkward

a woman looking upset in a mirror
Photo Credit: Pexels / JESSICA TICOZZELLI
Photo Credit: Pexels / JESSICA TICOZZELLI

Until then, things might be a little bit awkward and you might feel like you’re walking on eggshells around one another, especially if she’s not agreeing with what you’re saying.

Remember That She Isn’t You

a woman working from home thinking
Photo Credit: Pexels / Marcus Aurelius
Photo Credit: Pexels / Marcus Aurelius

You’re not the same person and you’re going to want different things from life and from your relationship. Sometimes your views just aren’t going to line up and that’s OK! As long as she isn’t being hurt.

It’s Probably Not Worth Losing Your Friendship Over

two friends laughing together
Photo Credit: Pexels / Elle Hughes
Photo Credit: Pexels / Elle Hughes

Think about how important this relationship is to you with your friend and think about if her new relationship is worth not having her in your life over. You’ll figure out a way to make it work.

If All Else Fails, Let It Go

woman looking out the window of a parked car
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anastasia Shuraeva
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anastasia Shuraeva

Sometimes you have to accept that you and your friend aren’t going to see eye to eye on things. This new guy might be around for a while or he might not be, but what’s most important is your friendship.

Remind Them That You’ll Always Be There

friends standing on a beach
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anna Shvets
Photo Credit: Pexels / Anna Shvets

Remind her that you’re always there for her and if you’re worried that she’s in a relationship that could turn abusive, remember to always check in on her and offer her resources, even if she isn’t asking for them and helping her with them when she does.