Some of these complaints are so petty and strange that you’ll be wondering if these couples aren’t just looking for a way out or something to fight about out of boredom.
Trust us, it’s better to stay single without anyone around to make fart noises or hog the television. You’re the real winner here.
Complaining He’s Too Literal
“My wife complains that I’m too literal. So we went to see a marriage counselor and she asked, ‘so what brings you here today?’ I said, ‘my truck.'” —Montana_Joe / Reddit
Although funny to anyone outside the relationship, I wouldn’t imagine the wife was too pleased to be paying $100 an hour for her husband to be telling dad jokes.
Complaining Her Diamond’s Too Big
“My wife complains to me that the diamond in her ring is too big and always gets caught while brushing her hair….” —sirmarsh / Reddit
Now, this is a problem I’d be glad to have. If she doesn’t want it, I’ll gladly take it off her hands—and then maybe creeps will just assume I’m married and no longer come talk to me.
Complaining About The Economic System
“My wife complains that all her credit cards are the same color, silver.” —Moonage1942 / Reddit
The easy solution here would be to only have one credit card. Maybe then she could keep up with her expenses and not be crushed under debt forever.
Complaining About Hair In The Sink
“Every time my wife complains about stray beard hairs in the bathroom sink I show her this photo.”
We’re human, we’re going to shed hair no matter what. Hair is supposed to fall out when it dies. You can’t get mad at someone for simply existing.
Complaining About Common Courtesy
“She had considered divorce because her husband kept saying good morning to her before she’d had coffee. She looked stone-faced and said they had to go to marriage counseling over it.” —SoloShell / Reddit
I understand the need for coffee to function, but what’s so bad about a simple “good morning”? Sounds like she’s the only one that needed the counseling.
Complaining For Letting Other Guests Take Up The Bed
“My husband complains that he has no room in our king-sized bed and sleeps poorly because of it. I told him our bed is huge and shouldn’t be the case. He took this photo at 5 a.m. and sent it to me for proof. “
If I were her, I would also give priority to my loyal, loving, never judging dogs over a man who could break my heart any second now.
Complaining About The Wedding Ring
“I bought my wife really expensive leather gloves because her hands are cold when she drives in the winter. She never wears them because her ring doesn’t fit under the snug-fitting gloves. This created quite a problem, so naturally, I returned the ring.” —[deleted] / Reddit
I stand by my previous offer to these women to hand me their wedding rings. Call me cupid, I’m just trying to help them solve their clearly severe marital problems.
Complaining He’s Human
“I hate his sneeze. So much. It’s the worst. It’s like a sonic boom at exactly the right level of ear-splitting timbre. Asking him to sneeze quieter has only gotten me weird looks.” —YourSnarkyFriend / Reddit
Excuse the poor man for his basic human functions. I believe you are born with the way that you sneeze. Stop judging.
Complaining About Their Love For Their Pet
“My boyfriend complains about the cat a lot, and then I catch him doing this.”
How can you reject the love of an innocent and vulnerable creature that depends on you for survival and curls up to you to purr on your chest?
Complaining About The Consistency
“My ex-husband used to complain my omelets were ‘too fluffy'” —psycholagny / Reddit
Last I checked, people strived to attempt to make their eggs as fluffy as possible, not the other way around. Why would anyone want flat, runny eggs first thing in the morning? I guess he’s an “ex” for a reason!
Complaining Six Years Later
“My coworker the other day complained about how her husband didn’t rub her feet when she was pregnant with her daughter.. six years ago. She still sounded pretty bitter about it.” —pinkprozak / Reddit
In her defense, she’s the one doing all the labor of actually carrying the child on those feet for nine months. The least he could’ve done is occasionally rub them.
Complaining He Factored In Her Opinion
“She complained that her husband asked her what she wanted to order for dinner too often. She wanted him to just decide on it himself and know what she wants.” —jaqenjayz / Reddit
How dare he actually ask her what she wanted instead of assuming and getting the wrong thing? Excuse the man for being so considerate.
Complaining About Garlic
“Funny how my wife complains about how much garlic I use but never complains about the taste of the food. The banana is for scale.”
Maybe she just didn’t want her breath stinking every day so she could actually kiss him every once in a while without needing a breath of fresh air right after.
Complaining About Too Much Romance
“My dad likes to take my mum on surprise romantic breaks to mystery locations. My mum complains that she doesn’t like not knowing where they are going.” —Peeedorrrfff / Reddit
This is definitely another problem I wish I had in a world where some men think going through the McDonald’s drive-through after the bar counts as a date. The only issue is you would never know how to dress for these dates.
Complaining He’s Spicing Things Up Too Much
“I heard a coworker complaining about how any time her husband cooks he puts in a bunch of a particular hot sauce he knows she hates to the point where she can’t even eat the food he makes.” —chelsiijo / Reddit
I understand looking for ways to want to spice up the married life. However, starving your wife because your food is too hot to handle might not be it.
Complaining About Shoes In The House
“Five years into homeownership and he will not stop wearing shoes in the house. It’s nasty. His defense is that he’s protecting his feet. From what? Who knows.” —Adalaide78 / Reddit
Although most North American homes tend to take their shoes off at the door as to not track all the outside dirt inside, this is actually not a custom that’s shared worldwide.
Complaining About Eating Too Many Carbs
“He eats potatoes with pasta.” —kawhi_leopard / Reddit
I don’t understand the problem here. Potatoes are delicious, and pasta is delicious. Life’s too short to not indulge in all the delicious food at the same time because it all counts as carbs. Also, that’s basically what gnocchi is.
Complaining About The Way He Chews
“I know it’s not a me problem because I can’t think of anyone else that annoys me when they chew. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I never said anything until one day I snapped. I told him that cows chewed with better manners and stormed off to eat alone in our bedroom. I don’t advise this but it got results.” —nican2020 / Reddit
That seems a little harsh…there must have a nicer way to say that.
Complaining About Wanting Time Together
“She wants to spend time with me! Literally had to break down to this person that wanting to spend time with your husband naturally is not a form of nagging” —ladyb07 / Reddit
How dare she want to actually spend quality time with the person she vowed to spend the rest of her life with?
Complaining About His Cooking
“My wife complains my cast iron pan makes food taste really weird. It tastes fine to me but maybe my taste buds aren’t too sensitive.” —kazkh / Reddit
At least he actually bothers to cook for her. However, it sounds like she just doesn’t have the heart to tell him that she doesn’t enjoy the flavor of his food, so she blames the pan.