When you’re getting to know someone new and you’re hoping to get into a long-term relationship, you want to know about a specific set of behaviors, values, and personality traits a potential partner might have that could be dealbreakers down the line.
Some people will even “test” partners to get that information out early, and these are some of the most common ways women do it.
She Plays Hard To Get
She wants to see if you’ll actually put the effort in to get her, or are you not invested enough to care? Playing hard to get is a way to gauge your genuine interest.
She Talks About Her Exes
She’ll talk about past relationships to mention the things that went wrong back then or her takeaways to make it clear what her standards are now or to see how you react, which can indicate whether you’re going to be the right match for her.
She Gets You To Meet Her Friends
When it comes to dating, women love to hear their friends’ opinions on their potential new boyfriends: we really trust them to tell us the truth about how they like him and if they think he’s good for us.
She Asks You About Your Past Relationships
You can learn a lot about how a guy will treat you simply by hearing about how he acted in his past relationships. For example, I find that men who call their exes “crazy” tend to be controlling or dismissive in relationships.
She Tells You A Lot Of Details About Herself
The details themselves aren’t the test, but instead, it is whether or not they were paying attention and could remember them later. Being able to recall things she tells you shows that you’re invested in learning about her.
She Cancels A Date/Seems Busy
She might do this to gauge your reaction as well as how genuinely interested you are: are you understanding of her situation? Do you respect her boundaries? Do you try to reschedule as soon as possible?
She Asks You For Help
It’s easy to be there for someone when things are easy and you’re simply hanging out, but will you really step up when she needs someone to help her, and do you do it willingly?
She Takes A While To Text Back
She might wait before sending a response to see how interested you really are. Are you willing to wait for her to respond, or do you have another woman lined up to move on to when talking to her stops being convenient?
She Asks About Your Parents/Home Life
For a lot of women, a good family is one of their greatest values. She wants to know how much family means to you, and, even if you don’t have a great home life, whether you wish to have one in the future.
She Waits To Have Sex
It’s partly because she doesn’t want to give away that piece of herself too early, but also to see how you react to her not wanting to get naked. Are you willing to wait for her to be ready, or are you only interested in her body?
She Leaves You On Read
I’m not going to lie: this tactic can be a bit mean. However, leaving a guy on read is kind of a test to see if he is willing to swallow his pride and send the double-text.
She Pays Close Attention To How You Spend Money
Finances are one of the most common arguing points in relationships, so she wants to know if you’re somewhat responsible with your spending. Additionally, she’ll pay attention to how you tip the waitstaff at restaurants.
She Brings Up A Controversial Topic
Sometimes it’s about the topic itself—political beliefs and whatnot—but sometimes she’s really trying to gauge how you engage in a debate: are you respectful of others’ decisions? Are you open to listening to other viewpoints?
She Straight-Up Asks You What Your Worst Quality Is
This can feel like it comes out of left field, but it does make sense. If you say something clearly disingenuous, it can let her know that you’re not interested in a real connection. Otherwise, it can be a way to see your self-awareness and your desire (or lack thereof) to be a better person.
She Shows Up Looking Messy
During the first few weeks of seeing a new guy, a woman will tend to look her best. She might, in contrast, look her worst in order to see if the guy likes her for more than her appearance.
She Talks About Commitment Early
I’m not saying she’ll start planning your wedding on the spot, but she will be put feelers out there to see where you stand on commitment. Do you find it easy to be monogamous, and are you looking to settle down?
She Tells You Something Negative About Herself
I call this test the “disclaimer.” Essentially, she’s revealing something bad about herself to see if finding out that she’s not all that perfect will send you running at the first bad sign.
She Watches Where Your Eyes Wander
When you first start dating a girl, she will notice everything, including if you just checked someone out.
While that might not be a deal-breaker initially, it could become one if you keep doing it.
She Asks About Your Future Goals
Talking about what your dreams or goals are may seem kind of cheesy, but they’re an excellent way to gauge what someone’s values are. It might not matter when you first start dating, but it will down the line.
She wants to know what you think your future looks like and if it’s one she can see herself being apart of.
She Tells You When She’s Not Feeling Well
I’m not saying she’s going to fake sick and see how you react, but if she is genuinely not feeling well, she may use that as an opportunity to see what kind of boyfriend you’ll be.
Are you going to the kind that brings her some chicken noodle soup and Gatorade, or are you going to be the one who just texts back, “aww, that’s the worst?”
She Always Mentions Doing The Same Thing
This one is a pretty obvious test, so if you miss it, that’s pretty telling.
If she’s always mentioning that she wants to try this restaurant or watch this movie, it’s because she wants you to do those things with her. She’s seeing if you listen to her and using that information to make plans.
She Watches How You Interact With People
By now, you’ve probably heard that the way someone treats a waiter or waitress says a lot about who they are as a person.
Well, that’s true. She’s going to want to see that you’re a good person to everyone, not just to her.
She Pays Attention To Other Men
She might leave her phone out so you can see a tinder message pop up, or you see her flirting with another guy.
Yeah, it might be a bit of a shady move, but she’s just trying to see what your reaction is. She wants to know if you are jealous.
She Wants You To Meet Her Pet
Never underestimate the power a girl’s pet has. If you meet her pet and you seem disinterested, then that’s a strike against you. It will be even worse if that pet doesn’t like you.
It may seem silly, but that pet is important to them, so you should put in an effort. Animals are also great judges of character.
She Asks For Your Advice
Everyone wants to date someone they know will give them good advice and be there for them. She might ask you what you think about a problem she has at work, or it might be something more simple like “does this top look good on me?”
She is checking to see if you’re going to be honest with her and if you’re someone who she can go to when she needs support.
She Rarely Texts You First
If she’s not texting you first it’s because she’s waiting to see if you’ll message her because she’s on your mind.
She’s not doing it to push you away, she’s doing it to make sure that your interest is genuine.
Is Testing Really The Best Way To Show Someone’s Intentions?
In reality, tests aren’t the greatest way to know how someone will be in a relationship. Just like in school, there are ways to cheat on any test if you’re crafty enough.
These Tests Just Mean That She’s Really Likes You
It might seem like this is a lot of hoop-jumping, and the tests might make you feel a bit put off. That’s fair, but remember that she’s only doing these things because she likes you.
When she figures out you’re the guy she wants to be with, some of these tests will stop.
At The Root Of It, Testing Partners Is A Way To Avoid Getting Hurt
Testing a partner might seem a bit manipulative—and honestly, it is—but it comes from a place of insecurity and fear: no one wants to be vulnerable with a significant other who will hurt them down the line.
In The End, The Truth Will Come Out
Testing a partner is an attempt to streamline the process of getting red flags out in the open, but it doesn’t always work. No matter what, the truth comes out in the end.