Ways Women Test Men To See If They’re Really Boyfriend Material

When you’re getting to know someone new and you’re hoping to get into a long-term relationship, you want to know about a specific set of behaviors, values, and personality traits a potential partner might have that could be dealbreakers down the line.

Some people will even “test” partners to get that information out early, and these are some of the most common ways women do it.

She Plays Hard To Get

woman partially obscured by leaves
Photo Credit: Pexels / Masha Raymers
Photo Credit: Pexels / Masha Raymers

She wants to see if you’ll actually put the effort in to get her, or are you not invested enough to care? Playing hard to get is a way to gauge your genuine interest.

She Talks About Her Exes

silhouette of man leaning against tree shaped like heart
Photo Credit: Pexels / Rakicevic Nenad
Photo Credit: Pexels / Rakicevic Nenad

She’ll talk about past relationships to mention the things that went wrong back then or her takeaways to make it clear what her standards are now or to see how you react, which can indicate whether you’re going to be the right match for her.

She Gets You To Meet Her Friends

women and friends laughing on sidewalk
Photo Credit: Unsplash / nappy
Photo Credit: Unsplash / nappy

When it comes to dating, women love to hear their friends’ opinions on their potential new boyfriends: we really trust them to tell us the truth about how they like him and if they think he’s good for us.

She Asks You About Your Past Relationships

couple facing away looking at mountain view
Photo Credit: Pexels / Luis Fenandes
Photo Credit: Pexels / Luis Fenandes

You can learn a lot about how a guy will treat you simply by hearing about how he acted in his past relationships. For example, I find that men who call their exes “crazy” tend to be controlling or dismissive in relationships.

She Tells You A Lot Of Details About Herself

woman posing looking to the side
Photo Credit: Godisable Jacob
Photo Credit: Godisable Jacob

The details themselves aren’t the test, but instead, it is whether or not they were paying attention and could remember them later. Being able to recall things she tells you shows that you’re invested in learning about her.

She Cancels A Date/Seems Busy

woman on phone while working at desk
Photo Credit: Pexels / Karolina Grabowska
Photo Credit: Pexels / Karolina Grabowska

She might do this to gauge your reaction as well as how genuinely interested you are: are you understanding of her situation? Do you respect her boundaries? Do you try to reschedule as soon as possible?

She Asks You For Help

man and woman carrying box down stairs
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto

It’s easy to be there for someone when things are easy and you’re simply hanging out, but will you really step up when she needs someone to help her, and do you do it willingly?

She Takes A While To Text Back

woman texting
Photo Credit: Pexels / kaboompics.com
Photo Credit: Pexels / kaboompics.com

She might wait before sending a response to see how interested you really are. Are you willing to wait for her to respond, or do you have another woman lined up to move on to when talking to her stops being convenient?

She Asks About Your Parents/Home Life

family christmas dinner
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro

For a lot of women, a good family is one of their greatest values. She wants to know how much family means to you, and, even if you don’t have a great home life, whether you wish to have one in the future.

She Waits To Have Sex

woman on top of man on bed
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay

It’s partly because she doesn’t want to give away that piece of herself too early, but also to see how you react to her not wanting to get naked. Are you willing to wait for her to be ready, or are you only interested in her body?

She Leaves You On Read

man leaning by window looking at phone screen
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio

I’m not going to lie: this tactic can be a bit mean. However, leaving a guy on read is kind of a test to see if he is willing to swallow his pride and send the double-text.

She Pays Close Attention To How You Spend Money

piggybank surrounded by coins
Photo Credit: Pexels / Skitterphoto
Photo Credit: Pexels / Skitterphoto

Finances are one of the most common arguing points in relationships, so she wants to know if you’re somewhat responsible with your spending. Additionally, she’ll pay attention to how you tip the waitstaff at restaurants.

She Brings Up A Controversial Topic

man and woman arguing over something on laptop screen
Photo Credit: Pexels / Jack Sparrow
Photo Credit: Pexels / Jack Sparrow

Sometimes it’s about the topic itself—political beliefs and whatnot—but sometimes she’s really trying to gauge how you engage in a debate: are you respectful of others’ decisions? Are you open to listening to other viewpoints?

She Straight-Up Asks You What Your Worst Quality Is

thumbs down
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro

This can feel like it comes out of left field, but it does make sense. If you say something clearly disingenuous, it can let her know that you’re not interested in a real connection. Otherwise, it can be a way to see your self-awareness and your desire (or lack thereof) to be a better person.

She Shows Up Looking Messy

Britney Spears seen on the streets of Manhattan in 2008
Photo Credit: James Devaney / WireImage
Photo Credit: James Devaney / WireImage

During the first few weeks of seeing a new guy, a woman will tend to look her best. She might, in contrast, look her worst in order to see if the guy likes her for more than her appearance.

She Talks About Commitment Early

bride and groom holding hands
Photo Credit: Pexels / Emma Bauso
Photo Credit: Pexels / Emma Bauso

I’m not saying she’ll start planning your wedding on the spot, but she will be put feelers out there to see where you stand on commitment. Do you find it easy to be monogamous, and are you looking to settle down?

She Tells You Something Negative About Herself

woman's face in spotlight looks scary
Photo Credit: Pexels / A DLT
Photo Credit: Pexels / A DLT

I call this test the “disclaimer.” Essentially, she’s revealing something bad about herself to see if finding out that she’s not all that perfect will send you running at the first bad sign.

Is Testing Really The Best Way To Show Someone’s Intentions?

statue of man and woman facing each other
Photo Credit: Pexels / Alexandr Nikulin
Photo Credit: Pexels / Alexandr Nikulin

In reality, tests aren’t the greatest way to know how someone will be in a relationship. Just like in school, there are ways to cheat on any test if you’re crafty enough.

At The Root Of It, Testing Partners Is A Way To Avoid Getting Hurt

woman sitting on dock with head on knees
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay

Testing a partner might seem a bit manipulative—and honestly, it is—but it comes from a place of insecurity and fear: no one wants to be vulnerable with a significant other who will hurt them down the line.

In The End, The Truth Will Come Out

man and woman standing side-by-side
Photo Credit: Pexels / Rene Asmussen
Photo Credit: Pexels / Rene Asmussen

Testing a partner is an attempt to streamline the process of getting red flags out in the open, but it doesn’t always work. No matter what, the truth comes out in the end.