Ways That Men Test You At The Beginning Of A Relationship
When you're starting a new relationship, you're trying to get a feel for what kind of person you're with and whether or not you want to continue that relationship. Everyone has their own way of determining what they're looking for, and a lot of times, that can involve little tests.
If you feel like the boy you've gone out with a couple of times is testing you, he probably is. It might be subconscious, or it could be intentional, but you're probably not imagining it. Here are a few ways he might be seeing if you're up to the task.
He Flirts With Other People
Even talking about other women a lot could be him trying to figure out where you stand. Are you someone that cares if he has female friends, or do you consider flirting a form of cheating? It's best to address that right away.
He Pushes You To Eat The Eyeball Of The Fish
You might not always be in a scenario where he wants you to eat something gross or crazy, but he might push you to try new things. Are you someone who likes to try new things and be adventurous, or are you stuck in your ways?
He Invites You To Watch Football With His Friends
This is an easy one: he just wants to know if you're interested in his hobbies, or at least willing to participate. He could invite you to watch the game, or go camping, or any other activity. You don't have to know anything about football or even like sports, but you're willing to share things with him (and win over his friends in the process!).
Leaving You On Read
If he has a tendency to leave you on read, it could be because he wants to see how you'll react if you don't get your way. Are you a patient person, or do you want what you want right when you want it?
"Let's Hang Out"
Are you someone who wants every opportunity together to be an adventure or a new activity, or are you someone who is happy to Netflix and chill on a Thursday night?
Making Bold, Outrageous Statements
If he randomly says "let's go rob a bank" or "we should go sky diving this weekend," it's probably not because he actually wants you to drive the getaway car. He wants to see if you immediately shut him down, or if you can play along.
Asking A Lot Of Personal Questions Right Away
He asks you to share your deep, dark, childhood secrets on your first date or to tell him about your family trauma because he wants to see if you're open to him or if you're closed-off. You should try to find the balance between sharing and oversharing until you're comfortable, because it's not all about what he wants—you've got to set clear boundaries.
Questioning Your Loyalty Or Commitment
It's not uncommon for him to question your loyalty in the beginning of a relationship, whether that's by looking through your social media, paying attention to notifications that pop up on your phone, or by outright asking you. He wants to know if you're talking to other people, or if you're interested in being with just him.
Do You Mean What You Say?
You told him you were looking for a serious commitment or for a relationship, but every time you've hung out, it's just been at his apartment. If you want him to put in the effort, you need to tell him that; otherwise, all he's learning is that he doesn't need to live up to your expectations.
Poking Fun At You
A lot of men will make jokes at your expense or tease you and then call it flirting, or claim that they're testing to see what your sense of humor is. There's a difference between playful sarcasm and insults, though, so stand up for yourself if something makes you uncomfortable.
Picking A Fight Over Nothing
If it seems like he's trying to start an argument over nothing, he might be. He could be trying to test if you're someone who blows up easily, or if you're able to settle an argument properly and communicate what you're feeling without being dramatic.
Playing Hard To Get
Everyone knows that if someone is playing hard to get, it's because they're testing you. Women and men both do it, mostly because everyone wants someone who's going to put in a little bit of effort. He wants you to show him that you're interested.
Periodically Disappearing Or Not Responding
It doesn't mean that it's acceptable for him to stop responding to you for a few days at a time, but he could be doing it because he wants to see if you're independent. Will you get annoyed with him, or do you go out and live your own life in the meantime?
He Surprises You Or Changes The Plan
Do you need everything to be planned down to a tee, or are you cool with him giving you an approximate time for when you're going to do something? Can you be spontaneous and go with the flow when he switches up the plan, or will you get upset?
He Never Calls When He Says He Will
He might be your typical forgetful male who genuinely doesn't remember that he said he would call you when he got off work. On the other hand, he could be holding off to see if you're willing to put in the effort and pick up the phone yourself and reach out to him first.
Only Making Plans At The Last Minute
Another way he could be testing to see how flexible you are is by only committing to plans at the last minute. More often than not, though, it results in you spending a Saturday at home alone because you turned down other plans "just in case" he wants to do something. Go live your life.
He Questions Your Opinions
It's not a full-on argument, but he likes to push back a little or question your opinions. He wants to see if you can stand your ground and defend your point, or if you give in right away.
He Has A Tendency To "Forget" His Wallet
Even if he's not super-wealthy, some men worry that a girl is only going out with them or looking for a relationship because they want someone to pay for them. If you're willing to split the check or pick up the check when he "forgets" his wallet, it eases his fears.
He Doesn't Take "No" For An Answer The First Time
Men are always going to want to test your boundaries and see what you're willing to let slide, but this is one of those things that should be a red flag for you. There's a big difference between encouraging you to try something new and pushing you to do something you're not comfortable with.
Remember, You're Not Required To Pass His Tests
Just because he feels it's necessary to be testing you in the beginning of a relationship, that doesn't mean that you have to participate. If you're not okay with something, his justification for it doesn't matter, so be aware of what boundaries you're okay with being pushed.
There's A Flip Side To This
You're not required to pass his tests, but before you get all up in arms at the fact that he's trying to push you or see how you react, you have to make sure that you're not doing the same thing to him.
Check Your Own Behavior
He might be doing it simply because that's who he is or he has trust issues or whatever, but he also might be putting you through the wringer because he feels you're doing the same thing to him. Are you guilty of testing him too?
You Ask Him Questions You Already Know The Answer To
Asking a question when you already know the answer is a trap that many women love to set. If you give him the opportunity to lie about something, is he going to take it or will he be honest?
You Introduce Him To Your Most Judgmental Friends
You want to get your friends' opinion on him, but you also might choose to introduce him to your more eccentric or outlandish friends because you want to see how much he's willing to put up with.
You Ask For His Opinion About Other Women
When you're out at a restaurant, you make a comment about how pretty the waitress is, or you make comments about the women in his friend group to see what he says. Don't lie about it, we all know that's a test.
You Drop Little Hints To See If He'll Pick Up On Them
You make a comment about a restaurant you'd really like to try or mention your favorite flower or tell him about a favorite band that's conveniently coming to town soon, but you don't have anyone to go with. You want to see if he pays attention to what you're saying and if he'll do anything with that information.
You Cancel Plans Even If You Might Have Been Able To Make It Work
Something came up at work that you needed to spend some extra time on or a friend is having a rough time, so you make the decision to cancel your plans with him. You probably could have worked something out, but a part of you also wants to see how he'll react and if he'll want to reschedule.
You Ask Him To Help You With A Project Or Errand
Could you have put together that new dresser you got from IKEA by yourself? Absolutely, but you asked him to help because you want to see if 1: he's handy and actually able to help build or fix things; and 2: you want to see that he'll help you when you ask.
You Ask To Meet His Friends Or Family
You probably want to meet his friends or family because they're the people he loves and the people he spends time with. That's one reason. Let's be honest, though, a part of you is asking because you want to see if he's serious about you. Is he hiding you from his friends because you're the casual hookup, or is he ready for you to meet his mom?
You Casually Mention Your Exes
If the moment presents itself for you to work something into the conversation about an ex, you're going to take it. You want to gauge his reaction and see if he gets jealous or upset, or maybe even see if he's cool with you being casual friends with an ex.
