Have you ever met someone and you like them, but there is something a little bit off about them? You can’t put your finger on it right away, but it’s there. As you get to know them, it could go away or that feeling could stick. When that feeling sticks, ask yourself: is this person I’ve started to date a trustworthy person?
Here are some sure and unsettling signs that the person you’re seeing isn’t super trustworthy.
They Ignore Your Boundaries
Let’s start with one of the biggest red flags there are—not trusting your boundaries. If someone you’re seeing is up in your space after you’ve told them not to be, if they’re sending you things on social media you’ve told them you don’t want to see, or if they’re acting in a manner you’ve expressed discomfort with, that is disrespectful.
If they can’t be trusted to respect your boundaries, how else will they be untrustworthy?
They Dominate Your Conversations
If you’re with someone and you’re noticing that they’re talking over you or not listening because they’re thinking of what they’re going to say next, that person probably has more interest in themselves than they do in you. Can you really trust someone who isn’t even listening to you when you talk?
They Have Intense Mood Swings
It’s normal for people to feel a little bit off sometimes, we’re only human. However, if you’re seeing someone who has really intense mood swings and who is constantly going from hot to cold, it might be a sign that they’re a little unstable, especially if ridiculous things set them off.
They Seem Disconnected
A trait common among narcissists and sociopaths is this sort of “dead behind the eyes” look. If you’re noticing that the new person you’ve been seeing seems disconnected and avoids things like eye contact, think about whether or not that gives you the chills.
They Overshare—And Fast
Yes, we all want to be with someone who wants to open up to us, but if you’re seeing someone who told you all the good, bad, and ugly in their life within hours of meeting, this is not a good sign. It could be a sign that they don’t have a lot of control over their actions, and it could be a sign they’re someone who will push your boundaries in an unwelcome way.
They Make Rude Remarks
Spending time with someone who is rude is not something any of us should make a habit of doing, but if you’re seeing someone who has some psychopathic tendencies, you might not even notice that they’re doing it. It could be anything from making fun of your friends, your job, or the way you dress, or taking advantage of the ways you’ve been vulnerable with them.
They Lack Empathy
One of the biggest signs of all that the person you’re dating is someone you should avoid is if you notice that they tend to lack empathy. This a huge, classic sign of someone who is a narcissist. If they think it’s funny that people are suffering, even in little ways, or worse, seem indifferent to things that should be upsetting, you might want to run for the hills.
They Seem To Know Way Too Much About You
Have you ever been out with someone and they seem to know a bit too much about you? Yes, when we start seeing someone, we’re all guilty of doing a little lurking, but if you’re out with someone who knows things they probably shouldn’t know just from your social media profile, you have to ask yourself if you’re comfortable with how that person might have received that information.
They Tell You How You Should Feel
If you’re seeing someone who isn’t a trustworthy person, you might start noticing that they do a lot of telling you how you should be feeling. Someone trying to control an emotional situation is yet another way they violate your boundaries and it can turn abusive quite quickly.
“No” Isn’t In Their Vocabulary
No one likes to be told no, but most of us are reasonable enough to understand that sometimes, things are going to go our way. However, if you’re seeing someone who throws a fit every time you tell them “no,” ask yourself if that’s a reasonable person who is going to be respectful.
They Never Say Sorry
We all have a bit of an ego and don’t like to admit when we’ve been wrong. That being said, most of us learned the importance of apologizing all the way back in grade school and still understand the importance of it as an adult. If someone is a narcissist, they will literally never apologize, or even see that they’re at fault.
They Can’t Control Their Emotions
If you start to notice that the person you’re dating does things like yelling at waiters and telling you stories about times they “blew up” at someone, make sure that you don’t let yourself end up in a situation with them where they can’t control their emotions, because it could end dangerously.
Things Are Very Black And White For Them
If someone is a psychopath, there is a good chance that they have a very black and white way of thinking and have no interest in being challenged or growing as a person. If this is someone who has only two mindsets, either things are all good or they’re all bad, that is an unstable person.
They Love To Create Drama
Whether it’s pointing out things that your friends do or egging you on to join in on some workplace drama, people who aren’t trustworthy thrive off drama and will go out of their way to stir the pot whenever they get the chance.
They Can’t Keep Their Stories Straight
Obviously, the biggest sign that someone is untrustworthy is when they continually get caught telling lies. You’ll notice it slowly as they tell you a story about themselves and then you hear them tell someone else a different version of that story, and before you know it, they’ll be lying about where they were and what they were doing.
They’re Unpredictable And Often Erratic
We all crave a little bit of excitement in our lives, which is why someone who seems a little out of control could be appealing. But if this is someone who is going to be showering you with attention one minute and giving you the silent treatment the next, is that really going to work for you?
They Have Trouble Keeping Their Word
Maybe they don’t straight-up lie to you, but it could be that they aren’t able to keep their word when it comes to promises they make you. It could be something simple like promising they’ll show up on time, or it could be as big as ignoring your needs when you’ve made them clear.
They Can’t Handle Negative Feedback
Yes, no one likes negative feedback, it sucks to get. Most of us, though, have learned that there are many ways to handle it, and handling it poorly is not the right way. Chances are that if you’re seeing someone who has narcissistic tendencies, they’re probably someone who is going to lash out at even the smallest hint of negativity.
They’re Incredibly Defensive
Similarly, if they have a hard time taking negative criticism, they’re likely also very defensive, which is a turn-off on its own. They’ll think that you’re always putting them down or that any time you even mention something that isn’t praise, you’re looking for a fight.
They Love To Argue
If you find yourself arguing a lot with the person you’re seeing in a way that isn’t constructive or the reasonable exchange of ideas, you might be with someone who isn’t really a catch. Being able to fight right is a skill we all need to learn, and fights are unavoidable. But when someone is picking fights for no reason and taking cheap shots, it might be time to leave.