Unpopular Opinion: There Are Some Things It’s OK To Lie About In Relationships
We've all been told that being honest in a relationship is important, and that is true. If you don't have trust, then what do you have? But are there are ever times when it might be OK to tell a lie to your partner? It's a fine line and slippery slope, but I think there are times when it's OK to tell a little white lie.
What's The Difference Between A Lie And A White Lie?
Alright, let's start with the difference between a lie and a white lie.
A lie is when you deliberately alter the truth to work out in your favor or to obscure something from the person you are lying to.
A White Lie Is A Little Different
A white lie is a lie that you tell with the best of intentions, knowing that withholding the information is not going to hurt them in any way.
I know, it seems like a slippery slope, and it can be totally subjective what those things might and might not be.
So, What Are Some White Lies It's OK To Tell?
We are going to break down some lies and situations that you could argue are OK to lie in because no one is getting hurt.
You might even be saving someone from getting hurt for no reason.
When You're Mildly Annoyed By Something
OK, so you obviously shouldn't lie if your partner is doing something annoying or something that bothers you—you should tell them about it because it will be better for both of you in the long run.
But if you're waiting for the bus and it's running late, or you're at a restaurant and the service is slow, and your partner is already worried about it, it's OK to say you're not super bothered by it as long as you're not compromising yourself.
When They Buy You A Gift That Totally Misses The Mark
When you first start dating someone and they buy you a gift that really isn't you, is it worth it to crush their spirit? Probably not.
Chances are that as you get to know each other better, they're going to see the error in their ways, even if they don't put two and two together.
When You're Not Ready To Share Something About Yourself
Yes, you want the person you're dating to know you better than most people, but that doesn't mean that your life has to be an open book.
If you're not ready to share something about yourself, you can tell a half-truth, or skim over the heavy details if you don't feel comfortable telling them you're not ready to have that conversation.
When You Tell Them What You're "Wearing"
Wearing what you want is your right, and if someone you're dating has a big problem with that, then that isn't a great situation to be in, and you don't want to be with someone controlling.
But if you have a certain shirt or dress that your partner doesn't love but you like wearing it, wear it anyways and tell them about it. Or don't. It's up to you.
When You Have A Weird Sex Dream About An Ex
No one needs to know about the weird sex dreams you have about your ex, especially if you know that they don't really mean anything other than your subconscious trying to be a jerk.
We dream about our exes for a lot of reasons, the very least of which is wanting to get back together with them.
When You Watched An Episode Of Your Show Without Them
You know that an episode of your show just aired and you're itching to watch it, but you also know that your partner would be mad if you did even though you're not going to see them for days. So you watch it and say you didn't.
Is there anything bad that really happened? No. If anything, when they find out they might be flattered that you were willing to watch the episode twice for them.
When You're Not Comfortable Sharing Your Number
The person you're dating doesn't need to know how many people you've been with if you don't want them to. That's personal, and you're allowed to keep it to yourself.
You can tell them a number that isn't true or hint toward a number close to it, but it's OK to white lie if you're not OK sharing information about yourself.
When You Find Someone Else Attractive
Ask yourself, do you really want to know when your partner thinks an actress is cute or that they may think the girl in front of them is kind of hot? No, probably not.
Unless you're worried about cheating, then you don't need to mention to your partner when you think someone else is attractive, and you don't need to call them out when they casually check out other people. It's only human, and sometimes we don't even know that we are doing it.
When You Don't Want To Completely Open The Ex Files
This is another one that is especially true when you first start dating someone. There is no reason for you to share information about your past relationships if they make you uncomfortable to share.
Maybe you made some mistakes you're not proud of, but you've learned from and you don't want to give them a reason to doubt you, or maybe you wish you had seen things a little more clearly with your last partner than you did.
When You Don't Like One Of His Friends
This one is a bit of a tricky one because it might be a little bit of case by case. If you've met a friend of his that you don't really vibe with because you have nothing in common or your sense of humor doesn't mesh, you don't really have to get into that with your partner if there is no animosity.
However, if you don't like them for some legitimate reasons that make you question if your partner is a good person, that's worth bringing up.
When You Don't Want To Share How Your Weekend Went
If for some reason you don't want to tell your boyfriend about how you just watched Mindy Project reruns all weekend and only showered once and ate a lot of snacks that you regret, then you don't have to.
As long as you're not lying about spending time with someone you feel like you shouldn't have, you don't have to tell them the whole truth if you want to keep how you spend your downtime to yourself.
When You Don't Love What They're Wearing
We all wear bad outfits from time to time, especially when you're just hanging out at home, or even if you've been together for a while. Do you need to tell him that the band T-shirt he's wearing is gross and old? No, you don't.
Instead, you can just guide them towards better fashion choices in the future.
When You Don't Want To Share Exactly What You Did With Your Friends
No one, not even your boyfriend, needs to know what you're doing all the time if you don't want to share it. Don't lie to them, obviously, if you're hiding something, that's an issue, but if you don't feel like delving into everything you did with the girls on a Friday night, you don't have to.
If someone you're dating is pressing you to explain every waking minute of your day to them, that could be a red flag and a control issue.
So Ultimately, Is It OK To Lie?
Honestly, yeah, I think sometimes it is. If you're lying about big things or don't want the person you're with to know anything genuine about you, that should be a red flag.
But if it is really going to be a harmless lie like pretending you love the teddy bear he bought you, or that you sneaked an episode or two in, you're probably going to be OK. Just don't make lying a habit.
There Are Times When It Isn't OK To Lie
Obviously, when you're telling this white lie, you should always be sure of what you're doing, otherwise, it gets to become a very slippery slope. If you catch yourself lying often, you should check in with yourself, why is that?
It might be a warning sign that the relationship isn't working out.
Don't Lie About Anything That Matters
If you find yourself in a situation where you're telling lies for the sake of it, or because you genuinely don't want to share things that are going on in your life with your partner, ask yourself if there is an underlying reason.
Is it possible that this person just isn't the right kind of person for you? Are you maybe not ready to be dating?
You Might Laugh About Some Of These White Lies Later
As you continue to date someone and let them into your life more, you might be more open with them about these little white lies you used to tell, and they might even turn into the inside jokes that you laugh at often.
Just be honest about what is important and you'll be fine.
