Going on a first date is not nearly as fun and easy as the movies make it seem. Most of them are awkward and nerve-wracking (nothing like changing outfits four times trying to get it right!) and often are disappointing. Just when you hoped things could be good, you're on a hell date that you just want to end.
There are a lot of different guys you'll meet when trying to play the field, but these are the main types of nightmare men that you'll go on a first date with.
This guy loves to talk, but he especially loves to talk about things you know more about. If you tell him what you do for a living, he'll explain your profession to you. If you tell him about your childhood, he'll make weird assumptions about your personality.
Your friend set you up with this guy, who's either a friend of a friend of someone's ex's cousin, and told you that you guys would be a great match. Turns out, the only thing you have in common is that you both know how to read.
The Guy From The Bar
You met last Friday night and hit it off. At last call, you were excited to give him your number. On the date, however, you realize that he was only funny because you were drunk and he does not look good in full lighting.
You know better than to like a guy because he plays guitar, but you try anyway. He says his art transcends what most guys feel and tells you that office jobs (like yours) are for uncreative sellouts. Also, he needs you to pay for the meal because he's short on cash.
You guys have serious physical chemistry and you enjoy hanging out with each other. After a few months of consistent interactions, you start to think that it could be something. You go on a date only to realize that sometimes chemistry is only physical.
You show up to the date only to realize that he is nothing like he advertised himself on his dating profile. He's 5'9, not 6'0. His photos were definitely from years ago. He isn't a laidback or fun guy at all. You were scammed!
The Reverse Catfish
You roll up to the date and this guy is significantly hotter than his profile and Instagram show. His photos were all taken before he got a good haircut and started hitting the gym. You go back to your friends and try to explain you met a real hottie, and they think you're blind because his photos are atrocious.
The Guy Who's Clearly Not Over His Ex
He brings up his ex before the appetizers you ordered to share arrive. He mentions her three more times before the date comes to an end and you instantly lose his number.
You guys go on a pretty good date after you've been talking for a while. The date goes seemingly well, but he never calls or texts. He still watches all of your Instagram stories and slides into your DM's two months later like no time had passed.
The Guy You Met At The Gym
He's hot. The muscles everywhere, sexy with a little sweat on him type of hot. However, all he talks about is fitness and you realize he thinks working out counts as a personality.
The Finance Bro
This guy works for some bank and he will not let you forget it. He shows up for drinks in his Patagonia vest, quote The Wolf Of Wall Street twice (objectively two times too many), and he calls himself a "self-starter" even though his dad got him his first internship.
The Guy Who Thought That He Was Going To Smash
This guy came to this date fully expecting that you were going to go home together at the end. He tries way too hard to slip slopping innuendos into the conversation and is all around kind of gross. Hot, but gross.
After ten minutes of talking to this guy, you know exactly why he's single. From the way he talks about women in his stories, to the way he addresses the waitress, to the way he talks down to you, you just know he hates women. Your friend calls and fakes an emergency to save you.
The Older Guy Who's Gunning Way Too Hard To Get Married
He might be two years older, he may be ten years your senior. It doesn't matter—this guy is looking for a long-term partner to marry, like, yesterday. He brings up building a house and having kids before the entrées arrive, and it's overwhelming and terrifying.
This guy studied philosophy or psychology in college and he is adamant that he's emotional and not like other guys. He thinks that dropping his past mistakes and negative feelings counts as emotional vulnerability and then talks about how "cultured" he is after going to Vietnam once.
The Guy Who Definitely Peaked In High School
He seems fine until he starts telling you stories about himself and they all revolve around his glory days playing football in high school. You wave down the server for the bill the moment he brings up the injury that stopped him from going D1.
The "Nice Guy"
You met this guy because he was a friend of a friend, and he seemed pretty cordial. After telling you he's a great guy and begging you to "give him a chance", you end up on the date from hell with an entitled jerk who's not nice at all.
The Pretentious Taste Guy
He looks down on your taste in wine and has a general distaste for everything around him, assuring you that he would show you some real food the next time you hung out. In the words of Eminem, "Next time? There will be no next time."
The Guy Who's Definitely Trying To Cheat On His Girlfriend
He's charming and sweet, but he's weirdly apprehensive about leaving the dive bar you met in or generally heading anywhere public. You stalk him on social media later and he, in fact, has a girlfriend.
The Guy Who Was "Just Fine"
You guys held a good conversation throughout the night, laughed over drinks, and had a generally decent time. When your friends ask about the date, you said it was "just fine".
It's okay that you only felt meh about things even though nothing was particularly wrong, and it's okay to say you want more than "just fine". You'll eventually go on a good first date, and it will be infinitely better than "fine".