Dating is really difficult, even when it’s good. The best relationships in the world still take a lot of work. Some of the hardest work we will do in and out of relationships is the work we need to do on ourselves.
The world can be a sad and frustrating place, especially when it comes to dating. It’s no surprise that some of us might pick up some toxic habits without knowing it after being burned and having our hearts broken.
We have to acknowledge these habits and face them head-on.
Facing Your Fears
The truth of the matter is that dating is kind of scary and that no matter how hard you try sometimes, you’re going to end up hurt. People are going to let you down, you’re going to let yourself down. Being afraid isn’t going to make this any less of a reality, so it might be time to accept those fears and face them head-on.
Is Your Type Really Right?
There has to come a time when we take a long hard look at the type of person we go after. Sometimes, our idea of the right one or our type is built off a bunch of toxic relationships or unrealistic expectations. If you’re looking for someone who is giving you butterflies, you might be looking for the wrong kind of person.
Stop Thinking Another Person Is Going To Complete You
You’ll find a huge shift in your life and your dating life when you come to accept that another person isn’t going to make you complete. That’s something that you have to do for yourself.
Start Being What You Need To Find
It’s a cold, hard truth that there are things about us that aren’t the type of traits that someone is looking for in a partner. That doesn’t mean you’re unloveable—of course you’re loveable! But are there things that you can work on that would make you a better partner?
Stop Believing In “The One”
Believing in the one is something that we’ve been sold for a long time, but it is the furthest thing from the truth. The sooner you accept that there is probably more than one person out there you could build a future with, the less pressure you put on yourself and the people you date.
Enough With Playing The Blame Game
When a relationship falls apart, it’s easy to think that it’s either your fault or your ex’s fault. The truth is that it takes two to tango. When a relationship doesn’t work out, unless someone did something legitimately bad like cheating or lying, the chances are that you’re both “to blame” for the end of the relationship.
Be Your Own Best Friend
You are your own only soul mate. Write that down, internalize, do whatever you need to do to understand that you’re never going to find the comfort of another person that you can get from yourself.
Learning to be there for yourself and take care of yourself is going to help you be more independent. If you’re looking for someone to chase all the pain away, you’re never going to find them anywhere other than in yourself.
Accept That “Perfect On Paper” Doesn’t Mean A Perfect Relationship
Alright ladies, let’s be honest. If we’re not looking for someone who gives us that stomach drop, then we are looking for someone who looks good on paper, which is equally as toxic. What appears to be perfect on paper might not be what’s actually best for you, especially if those qualities are coming from what you think you should be looking for.
Start Paying Attention To Red Flags
Ignoring red flags is what some of us do best, especially if it is someone that we really like. But at a certain point, we have to start accepting that those red flags count for something, and looking back and seeing them clearly isn’t enough.
Learn To Let Some Things Go
It can be easy to think that you need to have every fight with your partner that presents itself. You need to learn to pick and choose your battles. Don’t give in every time and let them get away with things that are objectively bad, but if he doesn’t make the bed, is it that big of a deal?
Make Peace With Being Alone
Look, it’s time we start admitting to ourselves that we might not ever find someone we want to settle down with, and that is OK. You don’t need to be with someone. You should make peace with being on your own.
Ditch Unavailable Guys
How many of us have fallen for a guy who has made it pretty clear he is unavailable, either by saying it out loud or by his actions? That has to be enough for us to leave them behind. No more thinking they’ll come around, and no more believing we can change someone. That’s just not how it works.
Don’t Rush Into Things
When we meet someone and they’re actually someone worth investing the time and emotion in, it can be tempting to reach all those relationship milestones quickly and solidify your relationship as a serious one right away.
While there is nothing wrong with working out the fact that you want to be exclusive early on, you don’t need to rush your relationship. Learn things about that person before you commit to them.
Leave Your Ideas Of A Dream Relationship At Home
At the end of the day, we have to stop expecting our perfect, happy relationship to look like we think it should look. You can’t control another person or the trajectory of your life, which is probably going to throw a wrench in that plan once in a while.
Let People Into Your Life
It can be hard to actually put yourself back out there after you’ve been burned by a bad relationship. In order to have a relationship that is going to be healthy and work out, you have to be willing to let them into your life in a real way. If they’ve proven to be someone you think you can trust, then trust them.
Learn To Be Up-Front And Less Passive-Aggressive
Part of being in a good relationship is being up-front about your needs and not expecting someone to read your mind or know what you need from them. Remember, like we said before, it takes two people to make a relationship work, and that means you have to open and honest, too.
Don’t Make Your Partner Your Number One Priority
This may seem counterproductive, but it ties back in to not expecting a person to complete you. You’re a person in your life, too, who needs to be taken care of and nurtured and loved, and that should take priority.
Stop Avoiding Conflict
You may think that trying to avoid conflict would be a good way to keep a relationship together, and as we already discussed, it can be if it is unnecessary. But part of picking and choosing your battles is actually sticking up for yourself and your needs. It’s OK to express your feelings, the good ones and the bad ones.
No More Mind Games
A lot of us came into dating thinking that there is some kind of game that needs to be played, but that could not be farther from the truth. No more waiting a certain amount of time to text back, no more holding back on certain things, just go with your gut and trust your instincts.
No More Over-Compromising
When it comes to dating, you have to learn that there are certain things you can compromise on and some things that you shouldn’t. Use your best judgment when it comes to these things, and don’t over-compromise yourself into being a different person in a bad relationship.