To All The Bad Exes We’ve Had, Thanks For These Lessons
Even the worst of breakups and exes teach you valuable lessons about who you are, who you want to be, and what you look for.
Here are just a few of the lessons that prove that thanks to your ex, you are now closer to your best self. You'll find yourself turning the anger you harbored for them into gratitude!
People Make Mistakes Without Intending To Hurt You
You are not naive, weak, or always attracting the wrong people. You dated humans who made mistakes. The world isn't out to get you. The ways that you were wronged are what teach you what to look for, how to stand up for yourself, and how to be stronger.
There's No Point Settling For Comfort
You deserve the best—and yes, even the best isn't perfect—but the best doesn't make you cry. It strives to make you the best version of yourself, prioritizes you, and looks for your best interests. Every ex is you refusing to settle and going after that "best."
It's Better To Be Alone Than With The Wrong Person
There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and fill your time with friends, family, your job, or hobbies.
A bad ex teaches you that if you feel a void, you need to fill it with yourself rather than settle for someone just for the sake of being in a relationship.
When Someone Really Loves You, They Make Time For You
No one's ever too busy or too tired to put in the effort with someone they really love. That doesn't mean that life doesn't get in the way sometimes, but you learn to tell the difference between give-and-take and just chasing someone who doesn't love you like you deserve to be loved.
Endings Are Just New Beginnings
It's okay to be lost right after a breakup. But letting go of your ex gives you the opportunity to completely reinvent yourself. It's like life offering you a blank canvas and a second chance where you can now be anyone, live anywhere, or do whatever you want.
Your Feelings Are Always Valid
You're not too sensitive or just reading into things. You're entitled to your feelings. It's how you react to them and how you communicate them that you learn as you navigate a relationship.
Sometimes, it takes stepping away from someone who minimized and dismissed your perspective, time, preferences, and feelings to realize how much they matter—how much you matter.
The Way You Communicate Makes Or Breaks The Relationship
Some people can't help but feel the need to talk about issues right then and there, as they occur, because the anxiety of holding onto the conflict is overwhelming. But they learn to put their needs aside by looking at the bigger picture.
Reacting out of anger or sadness at the moment leads to regrets. Taking space allows for clarity and calming down.
Sometimes Love Just Isn't Enough
You might have loved them with your whole heart, and they might have loved you too, but either due to circumstance, compatibility, or character, it wasn't enough. Love is simply the foundation you build, it's the raison d'être of the relationship. After that, it's what you do with it that matters.
Changing For Someone Will Just Make You Miss Yourself
You can change your diet, your routine, move for them, get a new job, take up their hobbies, or make fewer jokes, but eventually, you won't even recognize yourself anymore.
Make sure that any changes you make are compromises and not sacrifices, that they benefit you both, and that you don't ever let go of what you love and what makes you who you are.
There's A Fine Line Between Love And Obsession
Love is healthy, built on trust, compromise, and understanding. Obsession is built on possessiveness, lust, dominance, and jealousy. It's not romantic for your partner to text you a million times on a night out with friends and check your phone while you sleep. People often have to learn this the hard way.
"The First Time Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them." —Maya Angelou
Don't expect someone to change or hope for their growth. Either take them as they are, or if it's not what you want, then let them go.
They may apologize over and over again, and you might choose to forgive them out of love, but when it comes down to it, pay attention to someone's actions, and not their words. It will save you a lot of heartache next time.
There's More Strength In Forgiveness Than Resentment
It's natural to hold a grudge for a bit as you process your emotions, but after some time, it simply becomes a crutch. Resentment holds you back from moving on and freeing yourself of the past to make the space for the future. With forgiveness you choose moving on, letting go, and a fresh start.
There's Life Outside Of Love
We often love the idea of love. We're surrounded by seemingly perfect couples in movies, ads, books, and social media. It almost feels like without love, you're behind or missing out.
The truth is that love is just a complement to a pre-existing life. Love is there to share what you already have and who you are, not to complete you.
Your Gut Is Usually Right
Some studies show that your gut is definitely worth listening to because it gives you important intuitions. Your gut informs you about your attractions, feelings, and affections, but it also signals when something doesn't feel quite right.
A Breakup Is Not Proof Of Your Failure, But Of Your Worth
We tend to believe that a breakup is a result of our mistakes. We picked the wrong person, we wasted time, money, and energy, or we broke something. In reality, breakups are milestones that you're meant to have.
With every breakup comes an ex who makes you more of who you are today and shows you what you want in the next relationship. If you just take the first guy you come across, you won't know if there was something better.
Your Needs Matter Too
Power dynamics are often established early on in relationships. Somehow, one person ends up catering to the other one's needs, and that dynamic becomes the expectation. Their needs get lost, and they come second. This is draining and unfair and teaches you the hard way to always put yourself first.
Time Heals All Wounds
Losing someone you love feels like the end of the world at first. It feels like everything you thought you knew was a lie, that you now have nothing, and that you're alone.
Slowly, you begin to see that none of that is true and that you're quite capable of moving on and being happy. The initial sting hurts the most, but once you make that call, everything slowly gets easier.
You Can't Make Someone Love You
As shown in the movie The Kissing Booth 2: "You can't really hold onto someone, 'cause the tighter you hold onto them, the more they wanna slip away. All you can do is love them..."
And if they don't want it, you learn to love yourself instead.
Rather Than Romanticize The Past, Focus On The Present
It happens way too often that two people stay in a relationship because it used to be good and they hope it will go back to that one day. Change is constant, and that's the only thing you can rely on. Either you change with it, or you move on to something better.
Being Content Is Not The Same As Being Happy
In longterm relationships, it's easy to lose the ability to tell whether you're actually happy or just going through the motions because it's good enough.
Relationships aren't always perfect, but you deserve to be in one that still excites you, pushes you, and makes you happy forever.
