Things To Remember When Dating After A Divorce
When you get married, you don't usually plan for or think about what would happen if you got divorced and had to enter back into the world of dating, but now you're here. You're starting a new chapter in your life as a divorcée searching for love, and that's a big deal!
Your last relationship didn't work out for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean that you're not entitled to love just as much as anyone else.
#1: Wait Until Your Divorce Is Finalized
You'd think that it would be obvious, but it's definitely not a rule that every divorcée lives by—though it should be. Please wait until your separation is over and your divorce is actually finalized before you go diving into something new. You need to take that time to process.
Think About Why You're Doing It
Are you looking to start dating again because you're actually interested in meeting someone new, or are you simply tired of your friends and family telling you that you should "get back out there"? Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. The "right reasons" being: for you, and you alone.
Throw Your "Type" Out The Window
Forget about whatever your usual type would be and instead just date people who pique your interest. Considering you've just ended a serious relationship, breaking away from the type of person you previously dated wouldn't be the worst idea...
Be Honest About Your History
Don't feel like you need to hide the fact that you've been married and divorced or that you potentially have children and other baggage still wrapped up in that relationship. It's nothing to hide, and you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed of it. Everyone has relationship history, so it's better to get it out in the open in the beginning.
Expect The Unexpected When It Comes To Your Emotions
Be patient with yourself when you're getting back into the world of dating post-divorce. You may feel like you've got a handle on your emotions but there's a good chance that a few unexpected emotional moments are going to worm their way in, so be kind to yourself.
If They Seem Too Perfect, They Probably Are
I am very sorry to have to be the one to tell you that if it feels like someone you're talking to is too perfect, it's probably because they are. They might be the perfect person for you, but anyone who seems perfect on a surface level is definitely hiding some skeletons in their closet.
Know What You're Looking For
You don't need to go into it with a mile-long list of things you want in your next partner, but having a general idea is important. Are you looking for a fling or someone to be the stepfather to your children? Think of a few attributes or qualities that are most important to you.
Ease Yourself Back Into The Dating World Slowly
There's no formula for when you're going to be ready to start dating again. You might go on a few dates and then retreat back into your shell for a few months when you realize you're not ready, or you'll go on one date a month for a year. You have to go at your own pace.
Give In And Let Your Friends Set You Up
Chances are at least one of your friends has told you that their husband's brother's girlfriend's second cousin would be the "perfect guy" for you, so it's time to open that door. Let your friends play matchmaker and see what happens!
Take Time For Yourself First
While you're sitting around waiting for your divorce to be finalized before you jump into the dating pool, why not spend a little time getting to know yourself? You just got out of a long-term relationship and now you need to figure out who you are.
Shop Around For The Right Dating Site
If you're turning to the internet or the app store to help you find your next relationship, try out a couple of different options. Every dating site or app offers something different, so don't be afraid to switch to a different one if you find that Tinder or Bumble isn't cutting it for you.
Don't Be In A Rush To Bring Your Family Into It
A big mistake people make when dating after a divorce is involving their children too early on. Hold off on involving children until you're positive you're actually interested in being with someone for the long term; otherwise, it's just going to be difficult and unfair to your children.
But You Should Still Tell Your Kids
While you don't need to be introducing every first date to your child, you should tell them (at least the older ones) that you're starting to date so that they're not blindsided if you actually do meet someone that you want to date long-term. Let them get used to the idea at their own pace before they're forced to.
Remember That Chemistry Doesn't Equal A Lasting Connection
It's easy to get caught up after a few dates or even some good conversations and feel like you've met your next soulmate. Having chemistry is a good sign, but it's not the only thing that matters, and it doesn't guarantee a lasting connection.
Focus On Dating, Not On Finding Your Next Relationship
Instead of entering every date or conversation with the mindset of "this person might be my next spouse or soulmate," try going for a more chill vibe. Experience some new things, meet some new people, maybe even get a few free meals out of it! You don't need to put the added pressure on it.
Trust Your Instincts
It's easy to feel like you can't trust your own judgment after you get out of a serious relationship because you're focused on how that one didn't work out. You're still the person who knows you better than anyone, though, so trust your gut feeling about someone. Don't ignore the red flags or brush things aside because you're too focused on being open to new experiences.
Take Up Some New Hobbies
If the thought of making a dating profile and choosing your seven best photos sounds like an absolute nightmare, maybe you'd be better suited to joining a class or picking up a new social hobby. The best way to meet someone who is interested in the same things as you is by doing that thing.
Manage Your Expectations
Seriously. Whatever your expectations are, you need to lower them...a lot. You're going to be much better off if you re-enter the dating world knowing that the first person you date (or the first 10) is probably not going to be your soulmate.
It's Okay To Not Be Looking For A Relationship
As long as you're clear with yourself and with any potential future partners about what you're looking for, it doesn't matter to anyone else. Whether you're looking for a relationship, a hookup, or a date to your company Christmas party, have fun with it and see what's out there!
Be Optimistic About Love
You might feel jaded after leaving a marriage because you thought you'd found your person, but you have to remember that you'll find love again. You're not going to die alone (unless that's what you want). You're going to find someone as long as you're willing to put yourself out there.
