Everyone is going to have their own expectations when entering into a relationship, and while some things are going to be more of a priority for you than they might be for others, there are certain things we can all agree on.
There are some aspects of a relationship that you should expect, and you should never be made to feel like what you’re asking for is unreasonable if you’re asking for something like being treated as an equal to your partner.
They’re Able To Control Their Anger
No one deserves a gold medal for being able to express their own feelings appropriately. You can’t control what emotions you feel, but you can control how you choose to express them or react to them.
You should expect that your partner be able to have a conversation with you when they’re upset about something, or to have a discussion about a problem without it turning into an argument. Name-calling, yelling, or any sort of physical expression of their anger isn’t something that should be happening.
You’re both adults, you’re going to have moments in life where you’re upset about something, and you have to be able to deal with that without throwing a fit.
And no, consistency does not equal the death of spontaneity.
Expecting that your partner give you consistency in your life and in your relationship means you expect that they behave the same way with you as they do with their friends as they do with their family or yours.
It means you know that you can count on them to be there for you when you need someone to talk to. It also means that you can probably predict how they’re going to react to a situation. You’re never nervous about how they’re going to react or worried that they’ll blow up about something.
They Follow Through
This can go hand in hand with looking for a partner that can provide consistency for you.
If your boyfriend says that he’s going to do something, you can count on him to do it. And we’re not talking about the little moments like him forgetting to change the garbage because you asked him while he was watching hockey.
Say you start a discussion about a behavior of his that made you uncomfortable during an argument last week. His response is he says that he’ll make more of an effort to no longer do that. If he’s someone who consistently follows through, it’s not just about saying the words for him—he’ll show you with his actions too.
In the beginning of a relationship, the “good morning” texts, the all-day conversations, and the general constant communication are all great, but it’s not really sustainable, is it? You still want to be able to live a life outside of your partner.
If you’re in a relationship and choose not to spend every waking moment either with or talking to your boyfriend, that doesn’t mean your relationship is any less stable than that of your friend who spends every single night with her partner. In fact, many people would argue that you might be in a better place in your relationship.
It’s healthy and normal to have friends you don’t share with your partner, or to have activities you enjoy doing separately from each other—and your girlfriend shouldn’t make you feel guilty for wanting to spend one or two nights a week away from each other.
Your Feelings Are Heard And Validated
Rather than dismissing your feelings during an argument or telling you that you’re overreacting to something, you should expect your partner to hear what you’re saying and try to empathize with you.
You’re going to disagree in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that every disagreement needs to turn into a huge argument. Being able to hear what someone is telling you, acknowledge how they’re feeling, and try to see their side of it or understand where they’re coming from will help you to build a stronger relationship.
You Trust Each Other—Completely
Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who has self-proclaimed trust issues will tell you that someone who says they trust their girlfriend compared to someone who actually does behave in two different ways.
If you can’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you, what’s the point in being in a relationship? Unless you’ve explicitly given your partner a reason to not believe that you’re telling them the truth or that you’re going to be where you say you are, the expectation should be that they trust your word as the truth.
A huge part of trust is going to be that commitment to honesty, too. Being in a relationship where you have to constantly wonder if they’re telling you a lie or not because they’ve lied about little things (or big things) before is not going to lead to your eternal happiness together.
To Be Treated As An Equal, In Every Way
There are going to be moments in every relationship when one person needs more support from the other, and there’s always going to be one person who makes more money than the other or knows more about a certain topic than the other, but you’re still equals.
A relationship is a partnership, and it should be an equal partnership. You deserve to be in a relationship where your opinions are valued, your concerns are acknowledged, and you’re treated as someone who is as worthy of love as your partner is.
Neither of you is doing the other a favor by being in the relationship. You’re on the same team, and it’s an even playing field.
An Interest In You
It may seem like an obvious one, but it is perfectly reasonable to expect that the person you’re with is more interested in you than the average friend.
You want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to share their interests or hobbies with you and makes the effort to reciprocate that interest. For a relationship to work, you both have to be fully invested and interested in the other persons feelings, thoughts, or hobbies.