If life’s a journey and love’s the prize, it’s no wonder people chase it their whole lives and have a hard time letting go of it when it’s gone. However, when we rush into it because we’re scared, it’ll fleet away, and if we hold on too tightly even when it’s not right, we risk actually turning love into a toxic feeling that causes more harm than happiness.
There are many steps between meeting the right person and a lasting loving relationship. It takes time, and if you rush it, you risk missing out on key foundations.
Being Best Friends First
You’ll hear long-lasting couples tell you again and again that the secret to their life-long marriage is that they’re best friends first and lovers second. You can’t become best friends overnight. It requires you to bond, experience new adventures together, learn about one another, and open up to each other. It’s the kind of friendship that keeps on growing even when you start dating.
You Say Things You Don’t Mean
You might agree to meet their family before you’re ready and they’ll say yes to the puppy you’ve always wanted to adopt even though they hate dogs. This is simply because you’re both caught up in a fantasy. You’re living in the “what could be” rather than trying to figure out what the reality will be like.
You Make Promises You Can’t Keep
Similarly to saying things you don’t mean, this will not be a problem now but will come back to bite you—if not soon, then years down the line. This is how couples break up after five years of dating because they finally realized that they can’t accept that their partner doesn’t want kids or that they do want a wedding after all, even if they agreed it was just a capitalist scam for a while.
Learning Each Other’s Quirks And Habits
We tend to hide our quirks because we’re self-conscious about them. But knowing that your partner likes to keep the light on is important if you can only sleep in total darkness. There are certain habits that only reveal themselves over time, and you need to be aware of them before making a decision on whether this person is actually right for you.
Your Emotions Get Clouded
When you try to rush a relationship, you also confuse yourself a bit. Your actions become a bit forced rather than reflecting how you would truly feel and naturally act.
At this stage, you’re just putting your best face on rather than reflecting every part of who you are, the good and the bad. It becomes hard to then tell if you even actually like this person.
You Put On Rose-Colored Glasses
Stop asking yourself after the fact how you couldn’t see how your exes were such terrible people—this is how. When you rush a relationship, you ignore the red flags. Often, it’s because you can’t even see them because you’re still in the early infatuation stages.
You Fall In Lust And Miss Out On Love
Let’s be clear: love and lust are two very different things, even though they feel similar in the early stages. Lust is a single-minded obsession with a new person.
However, the main difference is that lust is fleeting and can easily be switched over from one person to the next.
Maintaining Your Independence
You get so caught up in a rushed relationship that it’s basically like you enter this new world where only this new object of your desire exists. A rushed relationship takes up so much of your time and makes you feel like you need to give it everything.
Soon enough, you’re spending all your nights at their house and making weekly excuses for missing the yoga classes you used to love.
You Create Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
This is because you’re not taking the time to build a solid foundation to build on. The beginning is the time you need to establish boundaries and inform each other on your needs and comfort levels.
Instead, you’re just trying to make it to the next milestone on uneven grounds.
Your Friends Will Think You Fell Off The Face Of The Earth
By rushing things with one person, you get so caught up in their world that you start to forget everything and everyone outside of it. Be careful as your loved ones will eventually stop trying to reach out.
They’re the ones who’ll be there for you if it doesn’t work out, so you don’t want to ice them out.
Learning Relationship Dynamics
The reason so many couples struggle with communication is that they fail to take the time to find out how their partner responds to communication.
Some people are very confrontational and need to deal with an issue right away, some need to take space away first to gather their thoughts. Knowing this allows you to find a compromise and know when to act and when to just listen.
Build Sexual Tension
This one seems silly, but you don’t want to run out of the excitement of intimacy before it even begins. You want to build it up, actually get to know what they like, and try new things together.
This also allows you to be able to differentiate your real feelings from just a physical connection.
Set Expectations That Can’t Be Met
In a rushed relationship, you tend to just want to give and give and you don’t realize until too late that it has become an expectation. They expect you to always be available, and you expect them to always take you out.
You need to be able to set realistic expectations from the start that can make you equals.
You Keep Chasing Emotional Thrills
Because a rushed relationship takes you on such a high, the comedown from it when you reach a more stable point in the relationship can make you crave that feeling once again.
This can be the start of a toxic relationship where the highs are high but the lows are really low. It’s almost like the drama becomes part of the passion and excitement.
Trick Yourself Into Believing In Love At First Sight
Repeat after me: There’s no such thing as love at first sight. There’s good chemistry at first sight, infatuation at first sight, instant sparks at first, but not love at first sight. These are just starters and great foundations, but they don’t make any guarantees.
Some people don’t even find this feeling till later, and they still have successful relationships.
You’re Putting Too Much Pressure On Them
They might not realize this at first, but they’ll grow to resent you for it. They might have said that they loved you when you told them you did, but they probably just felt backed into a corner in the rush of feelings.
The reality is you don’t even know each other well enough yet to be in love.
You Risk Being A Rebound
The truth is that some people rush into a new relationship in an attempt to get over an old one. It’s just a way to desperately fill a void and cover up a wound with a Band-Aid.
Rebounds rarely ever actually stand the test of time. The heart needs to be healed and ready to actually be able to let someone else in.
You Become Easily Manipulated
We’re sorry to say it, but in the early stages, you just see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear. This makes it very easy to feed you flattery and false hope, and you could end up being taken advantage of.
They might even be convinced that this is the first and only time they’ve fallen for someone from the moment they saw them, but chances are they just forgot the excitement of liking someone new.
You Risk Getting Hurt
All the reasons we’ve listed so far basically lead to the same outcome: hurt. Although there’s a chance that you could still make it even if you rushed the relationship, you’ve left all the hard work for later and it only accumulated.
This makes the rest of the relationship tumultuous. It’ll be hard to change the habits you’ve formed.
Just Slow Down And Enjoy The Ride
Why do you want to rush a relationship, anyway? The early stages are some of the best. Even if you’re looking for security and stability through commitment, enjoy the process that will lead you there.
Not only will that encourage you to have a more fulfilling and lasting relationship, but it’ll allow you to live in the moment and really get to know this person who makes you so excited for who they are.