20 Things That Shouldn’t Be Happening If You’re In A Solid Relationship
Often, we don't realize that something is going wrong or that something is bad for us until it's too late, and relationships are no different.
You may think that you're in a healthy, stable relationship because you don't have any of the problems that your friends are dealing with from their drama-filled relationships, but sometimes, it's the little things that can add up and signal that all is not well in paradise. If a lot of these things are happening in your relationship, it might not be as solid as you think...
Arguments Turn Into Personal Attacks
Rather than dealing with whatever problem comes up, your arguments tend to digress or result in one (or both) of you making personal attacks.
It doesn't solve anything, though, and you're left more upset than before.
They Don't Have Your Back
The whole point of having a partner is that you have someone in your corner who will take your side and back you up when you need it.
Being with someone who is always taking someone else's side doesn't leave you feeling like you're in a partnership—at least not one that's working.
You're Not Invited To Things You Should Be
It's healthy and normal to spend time without your boyfriend or girlfriend.
The problem is if you're being excluded from or not invited to things that you would normally bring your partner to—like family events or dinner at a friend's house where you know that other people are bringing SOs.
You're Not Comfortable Speaking Your Mind
If you're in a happy, stable relationship, you should feel comfortable bringing up any topic or issue with your partner without fear that they're going to lash out or get upset with you.
Your opinions and feelings are valid, and your partner should reinforce that.
You're Holding Grudges
If you tell your boyfriend that you're over something or you settle an argument, you have to actually let it go. It doesn't help to hold onto the anger or resentment.
It only makes things worse for you—and for them—in the long run.
They Make Decisions For You
They make decisions about where to eat on a Friday night, but they also make decisions about whose family you're going to spend Thanksgiving dinner with, and their decision isn't debatable.
Ask yourself, is that really fair?
You're Jealous Or Worried About Your Partner's Ex
You can't be in a relationship with somebody who you don't fully trust.
If you're still concerned about someone's ex-boyfriend or you feel like you can't trust your partner around his ex-girlfriend, you either need to deal with your own insecurities, or your partner needs to be better at reassuring you and showing you that you can trust them.
They Dismiss Your Opinions Or Feelings
At the very least, if someone is telling you how they're feeling or that they're upset about something, you should be trying to see their point of view.
If they simply brush away your feelings or dismiss your opinions, you're not going to get anywhere.
You're The One Who Always Wins The Arguments
It's nice for you that you're the one who always wins the arguments, except this was a bit of a trick—in a stable relationship, there shouldn't be someone who wins or loses an argument.
You both have to come to a fair compromise.
They Don't Treat You Like An Equal
It's common for one person in a relationship to naturally take the lead in certain situations or take charge depending on personalities, but you still have to see each other as equals.
Without that you have nothing.
The Same Problems Keep Coming Up
A major part of a healthy relationship is conflict resolution. If the same issues keep coming up, you haven't actually resolved those issues in the moment.
Whatever you're doing apparently isn't working.
They're Hyper-Critical
It seems like every little thing you do is up for debate or review. Your partner is overly critical of you, making it seem like you can't do anything right.
Your partner shouldn't be acting as the judge for everything you do.
You're Always The One Who Has To Be The Bigger Person
After an argument, there's usually one person who has to step up and be the bigger person, to take the initiative to end the cold war and apologize, but it shouldn't always be you.
You can't be the one who is wrong 100% of the time.
You Put Your Own Needs First, Always
Even though there are two people in your relationship, you still live with the mentality that your needs are your biggest priority, and your needs are the only ones that you care about when it comes down to it.
You both need to feel taken care of in your relationship.
There's No Compromising
Just like you're always the one to apologize first, it feels like you're also the one who always has to compromise.
Your needs are not a priority, with you always making the effort to make sure your partner is happy, but they don't do the same for you.
You Avoid Talking About The Future
You might not even realize that you're actively doing it, but once you think about it, you realize that you've never had a conversation about your future together, or even what you want from your own future. What does that say about your relationship?
How long do you plan on being with the person you're dating?
You Talk To Your Friends About Your Issues Rather Than Your Partner
It can be nice to talk something out with your friends when you need support, but you have to make sure you're not just talking to your friends.
Address your issues with your partner too.
They Stop Putting In Effort
Your partner should never treat you like it's a given that you're always going to be there for them or with them, no matter how long you've been together.
They have to continue putting in the effort.
They Give You Ultimatums
A relationship should not be based on ultimatums.
The relationship shouldn't be a bargaining chip or something that you threaten the status of when you're trying to get your way.
You Feel Like Something Is Missing
It's normal to have an off day or have moments of doubt after an argument, but you shouldn't be feeling like something is missing or something is off about your relationship for the majority of your time together.
Relationships are supposed to be fulfilling.
So What Do You Do If You Noticed Any Of These Things?
So, you went through this list, and some of the things on it are sticking with you. Now, what do you do?
Is it time to break up? Can these problems be fixed? There are some steps you can take and questions to ask yourself to see.
Identify The Problems
Know what the problems are in your relationship and how to express them.
You need to have something more tangible than a feeling if you're going to face these issues.
Communicate About The Problems In A Healthy Way
Sit down with your partner and talk everything out.
Don't hold anything back, you want to make sure that you've expressed all your feelings and your worries and you want to make sure that they've shared theirs.
Can You Reach A Compromise?
Is there something that you can both do that will make the relationship better?
If you're lucky, you can find a compromise and keep working on things. If you both still feel committed to the relationship, you can find it.
Create Boundaries And Keep Them Firm
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship is making boundaries for yourself.
What are you willing to compromise on, and what won't you? Are there things that you are sick of putting up with?
Ask Yourself Are You Really Happy?
When it comes down to it, is the relationship making you happy enough to save?
You have to want the relationship to last for any kind of plan to work out.
Can You Figure Out A Way To Make This Work?
Are you willing to do what needs to be done to make it work?
Like you have things you don't want to compromise on, so does your partner. If the things they need to make the relationship work aren't right for you, maybe it's time to break up?
Will You Regret It If You Breakup?
If you break up with this person, do you feel like you're going to miss out on something that could have changed your life?
Will you spend a lot of your time wishing that you could get back together with them?
Talk To Someone You Trust About It
One of the best things you can do is talk to someone you trust to be honest with you.
They're going to give you the objective point of view that you need to make an informed decision. However, remember that only you and your partner know each other best at the end of the day.
Weigh The Pros And Cons
Making a list is never a bad idea, as simple as that may seem.
Make a list of the pros and cons of staying in the relationship and see if you can make any decisions that way.
