Things You Shouldn’t Have To Change To Make Them Love You

It’s true that love and relationships often go hand in hand with compromises and sacrifices. However, there are limits to how much you should be required to change and give up just to make a relationship work. Some things are non-negotiable.

Give Up Your Path

Person at fork in wooded path
Photo Credit: Caleb Jones / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Caleb Jones / Unsplash

You were on some kind of path before you met, and while being with them might make you take a detour, it shouldn’t have to completely derail you forever. You’re entitled to go after the same milestones and goals that you once envisioned for yourself.

With the right person, you can find a way to get there together and get your paths to intertwine.

Change Up Your Appearance

woman gets ready in front of mirror
Photo Credit: Karen Levand / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Karen Levand / Unsplash

They liked you for a reason at first. Whether you’ve made the decision to switch up your looks since then, or they suddenly have changed their preference and now want you to dress more conservatively, it’s not your problem. Your look is a reflection of who you are, and it’s only up to you to decide how you want to portray it.

If they don’t like it they can leave.

Cut Out People You Care About

three women laughing
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

You shouldn’t have to pull away from your friends and family in order to spend more time with someone. Those are the people who shaped you into the person they met and wanted to date, and they will be the ones to pick up the pieces if your partner ever walks away.

The right person will respect them even if they don’t get along.

Fight For Their Attention

woman looks up in thought
Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Two people who supposedly love each other shouldn’t withhold their affection. It’s natural to want to give it to someone you’re interested in as much as it is for them to expect a certain amount of it.

If they can’t make the time or put in the effort to give you the amount that you need, then you have no reason to prioritize them either.

Take Up Their Values Over Yours

family moves into home, hanging picture frame
Photo Credit: hiveboxx / Unsplash
Photo Credit: hiveboxx / Unsplash

Unless they’ve truly convinced you by offering you a fresh perspective that made sense, and you’re not just doing it to please, you should never ever switch your values for someone else. If you can’t agree on having kids, or when to move in together, then you’re likely not compatible.

Otherwise, you might think you’re okay with it only to resent them for it later, or constantly feel pressured to adhere to their ideas.

Convince Them Of Your Worth

woman puts on her crown
Photo Credit: Jared Subia / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Jared Subia / Unsplash

You don’t lose any of your worth once you finally settle down with someone. They don’t suddenly earn control or ownership over your identity just because they’re dating you.

In that same sense, it’s not up to them to decide your worth—that’s all you. If they can’t see it, they weren’t worth it in the first place.

Work On Their Schedule

schedule with coffee
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash

You’re just as entitled to your schedule as they are to theirs. Your time is priceless and should be treated as such. It is reasonable to expect each other to both work around each other’s schedules, as life unavoidably gets busy sometimes.

But, you have much better things to do than to always be waiting around on them and having to change your plans to fit theirs as an ultimatum.

Have A Partner Be The Center Of Your World

woman holding a rotating globe
Photo Credit: Slava / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Slava / Unsplash

They’re there to complement and fit into the world you’ve created for yourself, not become it. Your world once existed before you knew they did, and you can once go on without them if you need to.

There is so much more to you than simply a better half, which means there is no reason to limit yourself to just living for a relationship.

Agree With Them On Everything

man and woman talk at coffee shop
Photo Credit: Eduardo Simões Neto Junior / Pexels
Photo Credit: Eduardo Simões Neto Junior / Pexels

If they’re right, they’re right. You can’t argue with that. There are so many gray areas, however, that there is enough space for you both to agree to disagree and open yourselves up to accepting opposing perspectives without it being a problem.

Your experiences up to the point you met shape your thinking and opinions differently. You should be able to learn from each other.

Fix All Their Problems

hand with giant bandaid
Photo Credit: Brian Patrick Tagalog / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Brian Patrick Tagalog / Unsplash

It’s not your job to fix someone else. It’s okay to help them, support them, and listen to them, but not do the work for them. There’s only so much you can to help with while still taking care of yourself.

If they’re not taking the right steps to help themselves first, they’ll never truly be happy and healthy.

Front The Bills

man looks through wallet sitting on front porch
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Unsplash

It’s normal to start splitting bills the deeper you get into a relationship, but there should be a compromise of give and take. It shouldn’t be on you if they can’t keep a job or start a savings account.

That’s a showcase of their life skills, and as much as it’s okay to encourage them and help them until they get back on their feet, it shouldn’t be the norm.

Spend Every Holiday As A Couple

christmas couple shoot
Photo Credit: Sergey Vavilin / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sergey Vavilin / Unsplash

Although spending holidays together is special and encouraged, it shouldn’t be a requirement. There are going to be times your family invites you up somewhere, or they have to work, and no one should feel guilty about it.

You can always have your own belated holiday or create your own celebrations.

Do Everything Together

couple cooking and watching laptop
Photo Credit: Elly Fairytale /Pexels
Photo Credit: Elly Fairytale /Pexels

You not only do not need to be doing everything together, but you shouldn’t be. Yes, you’re a couple, but you’re also two separate entities with your own hobbies, interests, passions, friends, families, and routines.

You have no obligation to like each other’s hobbies or friends, only to allow each other the time to partake in them independently.

Always Have To Let Go Of The Little Things

cwoman is angry on bed
Photo Credit: priscilla du preez / Unsplash
Photo Credit: priscilla du preez / Unsplash

You shouldn’t feel the need to always let go of the little things. Although you should pick your battles, you’re entitled to your feelings and allowed to get upset every once in a while. Stand up for yourself and communicate your needs.

Always Be Waiting For Something To Change

woman sits on chair at home
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

Sure, patience is a virtue, and it takes time and patience to work through a relationship and its issues. However, you shouldn’t feel like you always need to be waiting for things to get better, for your partner to feel better, or for something to change.

If you can’t be happy in the now, what’s the point of waiting for a future together? Often how things are now reflects how things will be again later.

Have To Be The One To Apologize First

woman hugs man from behind while he cooks
Photo Credit: Cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: Cottonbro / Pexels

It’s important to be the bigger person when possible, but you shouldn’t need to always be the one to swallow their pride every time to conclude a conflict. There’s no way that you’re the one who is always more at fault, and they need to learn to take accountability as well.

Lowering Your Standards To Meet What They Offer

fancy car is parked in front of big home
Photo Credit: Anastase Maragos / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anastase Maragos / Unsplash

This doesn’t necessarily just apply to your standards of a partner, but also to the kind of lifestyle they offer you. You don’t have to give up wanting a big house or a travel companion or moving cities, if those are the standards you set out for yourself.

There are ways to compromise without fully giving up your standards.

Tone Down Your Personality

Happy woman in sunglasses giving double-peace sign
Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle / Unsplasj
Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle / Unsplasj

Your partner initially fell for your flirtatious, witty, and dramatic humor, so it’s not your fault if down the line they realize it’s “too much” or don’t want to see you acting like that with other people.

You should be able to be completely yourself and not have to monitor it or apologize for it.

Your Independence

woman's legs in bathtub filled with water and flowers
Photo Credit: Hanna Postova / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Hanna Postova / Unsplash

You are still your own person. You can make your own decisions. You don’t need to ask for their permission, especially in matters that do not affect them.

You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you’ve lost your sense of self because you’ve become codependent.

Your Love Language

couple watches netflix in bed
Photo Credit: Edward Eyer / Pexels
Photo Credit: Edward Eyer / Pexels

You shouldn’t change your love language to fit your partner’s. Instead, you should be getting to know how you’d both like receive love so that you can give it to them in the way that they need it.

They can’t expect you to like gifts just because they do, and you can’t expect them to like physical touch just because you do. However, you should be adapting to each other’s languages and taking turns giving them.