A woman wondered if she was wrong for teaching her boyfriend a lesson the hard way. She took to Reddit to complain about how her boyfriend never bothers to refill or move items back to where they belong.
Instead, he just leaves everything everywhere and expects her to pick it up. What happens when she doesn’t?
She Tried Talking To Him
The user had recently come to realize that her boyfriend rarely moves items back where they belong. This includes returning knives to their spot near the cutting board or putting the cats’ feeding scoop where it can be found for their next meal.
She explains that she has talked to him about this but nothing got resolved.
It Interferes With The Cats’ Feeding
One of the consequences that bothers her the most is the cat feeding. The boyfriend feeds the cats in the morning and leaves the scoop wherever.
When she goes to feed the cats at night, she has to wander around the whole house to relocate it and put it back. Now that she’s leaving it where she found it, he’s annoyed that he can’t find it the next morning.
He Never Replaces The Toilet Paper Either
Nothing is worse than being done on the toilet only to realize that there’s no toilet paper left in sight. Since the boyfriend never replaces it, the girlfriend decided to bring her own roll in and out of the bathroom and not replace it either.
She says that she hasn’t replaced it in months and yet he still hasn’t replaced it. It seems like he just stopped using it.
Then There’s The Grocery Shopping
To add on, every time the couple goes grocery shopping, the boyfriend just shoves all the bags into the fridge, freezer, or pantry for his girlfriend to empty later.
She has stopped emptying the bags and organizing the fridge, and simply removes the items she needs from the bag and leaves the rest.
The Chicken Incident
Obviously, something was bound to go wrong, and there was a chicken incident that really upset him.
“Last time he put a pack of chicken in the pantry that I ‘didn’t notice.’ I really didn’t notice it though. I assumed he at least checked the bags to be going in their general locations.”
They Have Been Fighting Nonstop
The fighting wasn’t getting resolved and the same issues kept coming up over and over again between the cat scoop and the groceries.
The girlfriend felt like she had no choice but to ask Reddit for advice on how to fix the situation and save her relationship.
It All Goes Back To Our Upbringing
We’re not saying to blame our parents, but the habits we form as adults are often taught and instilled in us from a young age. This also sets the standard for our expectations.
“I can clearly see we have some stuff to work on and I will address it accordingly. I honestly think I’m pretty lax about this because my mom treated me very similarly and I just got used to doing everything myself.”
The Boyfriend’s Parents Were Toxic
The Reddit user explains that although the easy thing to do would be to walk away, she has reasons for why she hasn’t. She finds the main issue is with their families,
She doesn’t get along with his family and finds her parents to be narcissistic. In comparison, her boyfriend misplacing things is the least of her problems.
Resolutions Require Consistency
Partners shouldn’t take offense if they’re held accountable. If one person says they’re going to accomplish certain chores, they need to follow through and do it well.
The other thing they need to do is stay consistent with how often they follow through. However, there should also be reasonable space for compromises if there’s a good reason for it.
It’s Necessary To Get To The Root Of The Issue
Much of what we do as adults are the result of a mix and match of past experiences. If both partners take the time to learn about each other’s past, they may better understand why they are the way they are now.
This may open the line for communication and create less conflict…as long as it’s not used to make excuses.
One Party Is Not More Important Than The Other
To avoid a power imbalance in the relationships, both members of a couple need to feel like they are receiving as much as they are giving. Both members are important, deserve to have their needs met, and have equal support.
It’s unfair to expect just the woman to do all of the chores. This risks making her feel burned out and emotionally drained.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
There are studies that show that even today, women do the majority of the housework. According to the Office for National Statistics, women did almost 60% more of the unpaid work, on average, than men. That includes cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.
It’s quite confusing considering housework doesn’t align with the equality trends women have been fighting for.
Women Do Twice As Much Work
If you think about it, more and more women are joining the workforce. The pay gap between men and women has been narrowing. Fathers are expected to spend more time at home with kids.
Yet somehow, the housework gap hasn’t narrowed. Even though men are doing more, they’re still doing the bare minimum while women do what they do plus cover the rest.
Maybe Men Just Can’t See It
It could be that men just don’t notice what needs to be done. Maybe they didn’t grow up seeing their fathers doing it so they don’t realize they’re lacking.
Meanwhile, their moms likely did the “invisible” work in silence and didn’t get recognized for it, so they never even became aware of it.
Reddit Thinks It’s A Him Problem
Gender expectations aside, Reddit was in agreement that any adult should know better. One person commented: “Anybody who leaves grocery bags in the fridge is absolutely ridiculous and needs a wake-up call.”
The behavior was judged as pure laziness, with another adding: “That’s a level of lazy that I didn’t even realize existed, and I have made a career out of being lazy.”
We Should Treat Each Other As We Want To Be Treated
When it comes down to it, it’s about love and respect. Two people who really care for each other should want to help rather than be selfish and expect everything to be done for them. One Redditor pointed out: “Is he your boyfriend or a toddler?”
This is a sentiment that was shared by many Redditors, with another one adding: “It is always funny to see how people react to being treated as the person they treat badly.”
The Peter Pan Syndrome
Did you know that we have actually coined a term for grown men who still act like children? It’s called The Peter Pan Syndrome.
This term describes all the men who never fail to show patterns of emotionally immature responses and behavior. It was made popular by a man named Dan Kiley, who published a book in 1983 titled “The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up.”
Why Do Men Act Like Children?
That is not a question we can answer ourselves, but according to Quora user Jae Starr, it’s “because it’s easier than being an adult, and males like to find the easiest way to do things.”
On a more serious note, it could be that some men have a poor understanding of what is expected of them as adults because of the privilege they grew up with over women.
Women Find Men Who Do Chores Attractive
Some studies performed by the University of Washington found that the more involved men were in doing house chores such as washing dishes, cooking, and vacuuming, the more likely the women in their lives were to be into the idea of having sex.
In other words, women find it hot when men pick up the slack at home too.
Equal Work Can Lead To More Intimicay
Another study by the Council on Contemporary Families found that men taking on more traditionally “feminine” roles used to be a turn-off, but that’s old news now.
Today, it’s the couples who share the domestic labor that are having more sex than everyone else. The more work women did, the more the frequency decreased. Do with that information what you will.