Things That Happen When An Empath Falls For A Narcissist
This is quite a dangerous combination. You would think a person who is so caring and loving would not be matched with someone who is selfish and thrives on boosting their ego, yet it happens quite often.
The narcissist ends up feeding on the empath's nurturing personality until they have nothing left to give...
What Is An Empath?
You might consider yourself an empath if you're the kind of highly sensitive person who has a gift for intuition. You're able to sense what those around you are feeling and thinking. You're also very nurturing and generous and have high emotional intelligence.
On the flip side, you can't help but take others' suffering to heart, you're loyal to a fault, and you have a hard time with setting healthy boundaries for yourself, always putting others first and stretching yourself out too thin. This makes you a narcissist's perfect victim.
What Is A Narcissist?
Narcissism is generally considered to be a condition where a person has an inflated sense of their own importance. They feed off their own ego, which means they have a deep need for attention and admiration. Depending on the severity, they may lack empathy for others altogether.
In reality, they are very vulnerable and have low self-esteem, making them a perfect project for an empath.
Why Are They Attracted To Each Other?
The narcissist is attracted to the empath because they embody all the characteristics that they will never have (caring and stable). The empath always listens to them, seems to understand them, and is always available.
On the empath's end, they get charmed by the narcissist's initial irresistible and seemingly caring charm. Once their true colors show, the empath stays because they can't help but need to figure them out. Then, when they realize they're broken, they can't help but go into savior mode and try to fix them.
The Empath Feels Like Just Being Around Them Is Enough
Empaths love quickly, hard, and deeply. All they crave is unconditional love back. They try to fill that need so wholeheartedly that they convince themselves they are satisfied just by being near their narcissist partner.
This is obviously also fueled by the narcissist, who convinces them they're doing enough just by being attracted to the empath.
The Narcissist Makes The Empath Feel Like The Relationship Is Going Well
Narcissists are very good with their words. They know just what to say to make the empath stay with them. They will ask them "you love me, right? You know how much I love you, right?"
They give them just the right dose to keep them while getting away with mistreating them the rest of the time.
The Narcissist Seeks Constant Validation
A narcissist feeds off the empath's giving nature to boost their own ego. They need constant validation because they actually lack self-esteem.
Although they come off as overconfident, they need constant reminders, so they fish for compliments and keep repeating it to themselves as often as possible.
The Narcissist Will Slowly Start To Gaslight The Empath
A narcissist is so good with words that they will get the empath completely questioning their reality and recollection of events.
They will assertively repeat "I never said that," or “you're crazy and imagining things” to the point where the empath begins to embody those feelings.
Narcissists Manipulate Empaths With Hope
You can't be too hard on an empath for staying, because the narcissist really has a gift for stringing them along with hope. They know how to give enough compliments and affection to reward the behavior they require from the empath.
The empath becomes conditioned to want to act correctly to receive that positive reinforcement and forgive the rest. Plus they rely on the hope that things will get better.
The Empath Grows To Think This Connection Is Special
The highs are pretty high, and they're enough for the empath to overlook the lows, even though they're really low. They begin to normalize the rollercoaster instead of finding a more balanced, consistent, and healthier relationship.
The narcissist feeds that by telling them things like "I've never felt this way before."
The Empath Stops Asking For Their Needs To Be Met
Somewhere along the line, the empath stops advocating for their needs and desires. They give up because they're afraid to anger their partner.
They believe that they will be happier not asking for anything and avoiding conflict than to keep asking and being made to feel selfish or like they don't matter.
The Empath Will Grow Reliant On The Narcissist
The power dynamic completely becomes uneven in the narcissist's favor. The narcissist will slowly hold more and more control over the empath through both their feelings and their routine, leaving the empath feeling reliant on the narcissist.
The empath will start to believe they “need” them, and would never find anybody else like them.
The Empath Finds Themselves Isolated From Their Loved Ones
Over time, the empath's loved ones will notice the red flags and start to warn them. The narcissist will manipulate the empath into believing that they shouldn't listen to what other people think, that they love them even though they can't see it, and that their friends are just controlling and jealous.
The empath will devote all their time and attention to the narcissist instead, slowly breaking or losing relationships with loved ones.
The Empath Will Lose Themselves And Their Self-Esteem
The stable, confident, and caring person the empath once was will slowly fade as they become bitter, lose their confidence, their beliefs, and their balance.
The narcissist makes them so dependent on them and belittles their character and needs so often that they eventually break and fall for it.
The Empath Blames Themself For All Issues
The empath begins to blame themselves for every little thing. The narcissist turns the tables on them so often that they begin to automatically blame themselves and apologize first.
Even when they know they're not in the wrong, they take the blame just to end the confrontation.
The Empath Will Feel Responsible For Their Partner
The empath often feels overwhelmed by the responsibility to take care of their partner, and their narcissistic partner encourages it and even expects it without returning the favor.
They get stuck in a mentality where they think they're acting out of love and not out of manipulation. They start to feel responsible whenever their partner is upset or in a pickle.
The Empath Eventually Reaches A Breaking Point
The empath is shut down so many times when they try to communicate that they eventually can't take it anymore. They begin to see through the excuses, the deflection, and the shady logic.
This is when they begin to recognize that this is a toxic relationship for them and that they might not be completely defenseless.
The Narcissist Magically Proves They Changed As Soon As The Empath Tries To Walk Away
Right when the empath finally puts their foot down and indicates that they've had enough, the narcissist makes it seem like this was the wake-up call they needed to change and do better. They put on a show for a while, convincing the empath things are getting better.
The first few times, the empath falls for it out of their belief in growth and change, until they get caught back up in the same cycle.
The Narcissist Turns On The Empath When They Finally Do Walk
Eventually, the empath reaches the point of no return and walks away, for real this time. They refuse all of the narcissist's attempts at contact and reconciliation.
Once the narcissist realizes they have lost their own game, they take a hit to their ego and they lash out. Their worst self comes out as they try to hurt the empath to make up for the way they feel abandoned.
While The Empath Heals, The Narcissist Moves On To Their Next Victim
Once they finally break contact once and for all, the empath begins their journey of healing from all the manipulation and finding themselves again.
Meanwhile, the narcissist, not having changed at all, looks for the next victim who is willing to love them and feed their ego, even if it's only for a while.
The Empath Will Walk Away Wiser And Stronger
Dealing with a narcissist is a great lesson for an empath. Although it might scare them in some ways, it teaches them to find a better balance in giving and taking, as well as how to set healthier boundaries to protect themselves in the future. They learn to recognize the red flags and look out for their needs better.
It's All A Game
The empath and narcissist are playing an unfair game. Take it from someone going through it: "Living it currently. Not really working out. The empath always loses." —seamonkeybubbles / Reddit.
To which another Redditor chimed in, "You only lose if you play. Once you take your chips off the table there's no game anymore." —19nonostalgia / Reddit
At First, They're Both Vibrant...
"At first they are both, vibrant, healthy, full of life, happy, and ready to take on the world. Months to years later, there's a contrasting difference between the two. The Narcissist is healthy, vibrant, charming, wonderful, funny, charismatic, literally thriving... While the empath looks confused, caged, drained, fearful, and lacking confidence." —OkDatabase2 / Reddit
It's like the narcissist sucks the energy out of the empath.
Think Of Empaths As Emotional Sponges
Empaths are "emotional sponges," meaning that they can absorb feelings from other people very easily, and almost take them on as their own.
This makes it very hard for them to separate themselves from the narcissist, as they understand their pain and justify their behavior.
It's Doomed From The Start
Empaths are initially attracted to a false self that the narcissist puts out. They come off charming and intelligent and even giving. Until the day they turn on you.
That means that the relationship is usually doomed before it even starts. It's built on lies and empty promises.
In Reality, The Empath Can't Understand The Narcissist
As the relationship deteriorates, the empath might start blaming themselves. They might wonder what more they couldn've done or given, or what signs they made.
What they can't understand is why they couldn't heal someone they love, but even more, how the narcissist lacks this empathy.
The Narcissist Conditions The Empath
Narcissists string along empaths by showing them kindness and complimenting them. Then they make the empath believe that this is a reward to be earned, but only if they behave correctly.
If not, they punish them.
The Narcissist Can Admit Fault
It's not that the narcissist doesn't feel remorse or isn't aware of their toxic behavior. In fact, when confronted by the empath, they'll even admit it and apologize.
They might even say that they want to change. The problem is that little to nothing is then done to actually change, and the cycle doesn't break.
They Trauma Bond
The push-and-pull nature of the narcissistic relationship can create a trauma bond between them. This is the part where it can feel almost impossible to leave the relationship, no matter how bad it gets.
Instead, the empath starts looking at themselves and what they need to do to change and be a better partner to the narcissist.
The Empath Forgets They Can Only Be Responsible For Themselves
The empath gets so caught up in trying to fix the narcissist that they forget that they're only responsible for their own personal growth, and only the narcissist is responsible for theirs.
Although it's hard, the empath needs to understand that even when dating someone, they can't do their work or make them want to change.
It Is Avoidable
It's not like empath and narcissist are destined to meet. Despite their initial attraction, the empath can learn what signs to look for so that they can escape before they get too attached.
This will allow them to see through the charm and protect themselves.
