It’s all too easy to fall into a pattern of dating guys who are not going to be good for you long term—I know because I’ve been there too. While it can be hard to know whether someone is going to be good for you right off the bat, there are certain traits that are easy to identify that can raise the red flag a little earlier than others.
These are types of guys who you are probably better off avoiding in your dating life.
Guys Who Mock Therapy
Therapy is a great tool for a lot of people to work through their mental and emotional problems in life and address their unhealthy behaviors—it’s a good thing all around, and there’s no shame in seeing a therapist.
However, a man who mocks therapy often either has his own unresolved issues or he prefers when his partner isn’t getting good emotional advice so it’s easier to manipulate her. Either way, it’s no good.
Guys Who Are Inconsistent
He loved you yesterday, but today he’s despondent. He gives you a lot of attention for one week, but he can’t even manage a text back the next. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells with him because you never know what kind of mood he will be in.
You shouldn’t put your time or energy into someone who’s going to be inconsistent and jerk you around based on their own whims.
Guys Who Have Substance Abuse Issues
I understand that you might go into a situation like this coming from a good place with a big heart, and I also want to clarify that I’m not saying that people with substance abuse issues aren’t deserving of love.
However, you can’t force a person to help themselves. You’ll either end up trying to take care of him and end up having to “mother” him, or he won’t have the right amount of energy to work on the relationship and overcome his issues. You’re better of not going down that road.
Guys Who Want You To Be A Housewife
It is totally fine for you to want to be a housewife, but it is always a bit concerning when a guy is adamant that he wants that future for you.
First of all, it should be up to you to decide whether you pursue a career or, if you have the financial means, stay at home as a wife. Secondly, it can be a control tactic where he hopes to make you fully dependent on him.
Guys Who Can’t Express Their Feelings
I get that men are socialized differently from women so that, from a young age, emotional expression is limited or discouraged.
However, you cannot maintain a relationship with a partner who is unable to healthily communicate how he’s feeling or what he wants from you. It’s frustrating and exhausting to have to manage someone else’s emotions or deal with a partner lashing out because he cannot actually say how he’s feeling.
Guys Who Constantly Make Fun Of Women And Their Interests
He makes fun of anything that is traditionally a female interest or preference: astrology, dancing, lattes, pop music, reality television shows, etc. While he might not be critical of you directly, he often makes fun of other women he knows and their actions.
Ultimately, a man who only respects women that he’s romantically attracted to does not really respect women at all, and it’s only a matter of time before you start to feel the effects of it.
Guys Who Care More About Themselves Than Anyone Else
To a certain extent, every person needs to have some level of self-interest to get through the world, but some people take it too far.
Dating a guy who is intensely self-absorbed means that he will always put his own needs in the relationship before your own or that he’ll consider his own time and energy as more valuable than yours. You deserve to date someone who gives you equal consideration in the relationship.
Guys Who Can’t Make Up Their Minds
He wants you and then he doesn’t want you. He wants to be committed and then he wants to have his space. He just never seems to be able to make a decision about what he wants in the relationship, so you’re left having to guess.
You should be with someone who makes their intentions clear from the start and shows that they are sure about you.
Guys Who Are Overly Critical Of Your Decisions
It can be as simple as him not liking your outfits, or as serious as criticizing your career goals or what kind of friends you have. He consistently tears you down or belittles the choices that you make for yourself, even if it doesn’t really affect him.
A partner who cannot respect your autonomy as an individual is likely controlling or just simply a jerk, and you do not need that in your life.
Guys Who Prioritize “Privacy”
He doesn’t feel like sharing a lot of things in his life with you—he doesn’t want his friends to be your friends, he thinks he deserves to keep a lot of secrets away from you, and he doesn’t want you to post on social media about your relationship at all.
I can understand that a little privacy is important for everyone, but if he is extreme about his boundaries, it can be a real red flag. The reason he wants absolute privacy could be that he wants to get away with being unfaithful or he doesn’t see you in his life long-term.