Stop Calling Decent Guys ‘Unicorns’—It’s Toxic AF

Calling someone a “unicorn” is a fairly new trend, but it’s one that’s caught on pretty quickly. It’s the word we use to describe people that we are dating when they seem as though they are perfect.

They’re different from everyone else, and they’re going to treat you right! It might seem harmless, and you might actually think it’s flattering, but there is a toxic side to the idea.

Yeah, He Might Be Great, But So Are You

a couple sitting in a tent together
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonathan Borba
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonathan Borba

First and foremost, just like they’re amazing, you’re amazing too! If you’ve started dating someone who seems like a unicorn, then chances are that you are too! Someone great wouldn’t date someone who isn’t.

It Might Make You Feel Like You’re Not “Worthy”

couple looking out a window with their dog
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Chewy
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Chewy

The problem with thinking that the new person you’re dating is a unicorn is that it might create feelings of unworthiness in yourself. You might start to question whether or not you deserve to be with someone who is that great.

It Puts Him On Pedestal

couple lying on a bed together
Photo Credit / Unsplash / Davids Kokainis
Photo Credit / Unsplash / Davids Kokainis

It also puts him up on a pedestal and no matter how great he is, he isn’t going to be perfect. The higher up you build that pedestal, the farther he has to fall.

You Don’t Want Him To Take Advantage Of It

a couple smiling under a tree
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero

You also run the risk of them knowing you think they’re perfect, and in their mind, that might mean that they can’t do any wrong and they’ll take advantage of that built-up trust.

It Creates A Lot Of Unnecessary Pressure

a couple hanging out in the kitchen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Toa Heftiba
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Toa Heftiba

If you go into a new relationship with someone thinking they’re a unicorn, you’re creating an expectation that the relationship is also going to be perfect, and that will never be the case—no matter how great you both are.

It Doesn’t Give Him A Real Chance To Get To Know You

boyfriend giving a girlfriend a piggy back
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Justin Follis
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Justin Follis

If you’ve already decided that the new person you’re dating is perfect, then you might not be open to learning new things about them. Your perception of them will outweigh the way that they really are.

It Might Also Make You Miss Some Serious Red Flags

couple playing with sparklers
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

By deciding that your new man is perfect, you’re also putting on those rose-tinted glasses that are going to stop you from seeing any serious red flags that need to be addressed.

Calling Him A Unicorn Makes You Seem A Bit Jaded

couple looking out over the city
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Lauren Richmond
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Lauren Richmond

There is also the fact that calling him a unicorn in the first place might make you seem a little jaded. It makes it seem like all the other people you’ve dated have just been terrible and might make you come off as pessimistic.

You Shouldn’t Go Into A Relationship Thinking It Will Be Perfect

couple laughing at sunset
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Merchán Montes
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Merchán Montes

The relationship is never going to be perfect. You can both try as hard as you want to make it the most perfect relationship in the world and it never will be. It’s because you’re both human.

And You Shouldn’t Expect Any Person To Be Perfect

couple sitting under a tree together
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Shanique Wright
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Shanique Wright

No person is ever going to be perfect. We all have our flaws and our baggage that we carry around with us. So it isn’t fair to think that someone in your life is without those things.

It Could Make You Seem Like You’re Insecure

couple taking a selfie together
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Duri from Mocup
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Duri from Mocup

Calling your partner perfect over and over can be a sign that you’re feeling a bit insecure. Are you actually reminding yourself when you say this? Do you actually believe it?

It’s Going To Make Them Hard To Replace

couple huddling under a blanket on a mountain
Photo Credit: Unsplash / John Schnobrich
Photo Credit: Unsplash / John Schnobrich

Breakups happen, and that’s never a fun thing to go through. If you break up with someone you thought was your unicorn, it’s only going to make it that much harder to move on.

Imperfections Are Kind Of What Makes A Person

a couple sitting in a field smelling flowers
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ricardo Esquivel
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ricardo Esquivel

The things that make us imperfect are such a big part of who we are, so why would you want to miss seeing those things in someone? Getting to know those imperfect parts of each other is what creates vulnerability.

There Is A Difference Between The Perfect Partner And The Perfect Person

a couple wearing matching sweaters
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Renate Vanaga
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Renate Vanaga

OK, so. I think sometimes this comes down to not being able to tell the difference between someone who you made up in your mind to be perfect, and someone who would make the perfect partner for you.

Thinking Your New BF Is A Unicorn Creates An Imbalance

couple playing in the snow together
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yana Lizunkova
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yana Lizunkova

You don’t want to be in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power. Making him perfect makes you less than him, and it kind of puts him in a position of control.

If They’re Perfect, Does That Mean You Have To Be Too?

couple standing in front of a building
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrik Langfield
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrik Langfield

Like we said earlier, if he’s so great, you’re probably great, too. Don’t forget that you’re just as incredible a partner who should be cherished and loved. Give your partner a chance to make you feel that way too.

You Don’t Want Your Illusions To Become Your Reality

couple chilling in someone's room
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sinitta Leunen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sinitta Leunen

If you put all these pressures and projections on a relationship, then you might miss out on how great your actual relationship is. You have to be realistic about the way your relationship is going.

Instead, Try To Be Real With Each Other

couple sitting in front of the window
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sinitta Leunen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sinitta Leunen

Being your honest self is the best way to be in a good relationship. It’s never going to be perfect, but if you can promise to be your real selves, you’re off to a good start.

Accept That They’re Going To Be Flawed Just Like You

a picture of a couple's reflection in a puddle
Photo Credit: Unsplash / The HK Photo Company
Photo Credit: Unsplash / The HK Photo Company

Remember that you’re not perfect either, and like we’ve said, your partner isn’t going to be. You just have to decide what you are willing to compromise on and what you’re not.

Always Give Yourselves A Lot Of Room To Grow

couple sitting in a field together
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Michael Easterling
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Michael Easterling

Remember that people are going to change, just like you’re going to change, and that means your relationship is going to change as well. With some luck, you’ll both be able to grow together and be happy in your imperfect relationship.