Stop Calling Decent Guys ‘Unicorns’—It’s Toxic AF
Calling someone a "unicorn" is a fairly new trend, but it's one that's caught on pretty quickly. It's the word we use to describe people that we are dating when they seem as though they are perfect.
They're different from everyone else, and they're going to treat you right! It might seem harmless, and you might actually think it's flattering, but there is a toxic side to the idea.
Yeah, He Might Be Great, But So Are You
First and foremost, just like they're amazing, you're amazing too! If you've started dating someone who seems like a unicorn, then chances are that you are too! Someone great wouldn't date someone who isn't.
It Might Make You Feel Like You're Not "Worthy"
The problem with thinking that the new person you're dating is a unicorn is that it might create feelings of unworthiness in yourself. You might start to question whether or not you deserve to be with someone who is that great.
It Puts Him On Pedestal
It also puts him up on a pedestal and no matter how great he is, he isn't going to be perfect. The higher up you build that pedestal, the farther he has to fall.
You Don't Want Him To Take Advantage Of It
You also run the risk of them knowing you think they're perfect, and in their mind, that might mean that they can't do any wrong and they'll take advantage of that built-up trust.
It Creates A Lot Of Unnecessary Pressure
If you go into a new relationship with someone thinking they're a unicorn, you're creating an expectation that the relationship is also going to be perfect, and that will never be the case—no matter how great you both are.
It Doesn't Give Him A Real Chance To Get To Know You
If you've already decided that the new person you're dating is perfect, then you might not be open to learning new things about them. Your perception of them will outweigh the way that they really are.
It Might Also Make You Miss Some Serious Red Flags
By deciding that your new man is perfect, you're also putting on those rose-tinted glasses that are going to stop you from seeing any serious red flags that need to be addressed.
Calling Him A Unicorn Makes You Seem A Bit Jaded
There is also the fact that calling him a unicorn in the first place might make you seem a little jaded. It makes it seem like all the other people you've dated have just been terrible and might make you come off as pessimistic.
You Shouldn't Go Into A Relationship Thinking It Will Be Perfect
The relationship is never going to be perfect. You can both try as hard as you want to make it the most perfect relationship in the world and it never will be. It's because you're both human.
And You Shouldn't Expect Any Person To Be Perfect
No person is ever going to be perfect. We all have our flaws and our baggage that we carry around with us. So it isn't fair to think that someone in your life is without those things.
It Could Make You Seem Like You're Insecure
Calling your partner perfect over and over can be a sign that you're feeling a bit insecure. Are you actually reminding yourself when you say this? Do you actually believe it?
It's Going To Make Them Hard To Replace
Breakups happen, and that's never a fun thing to go through. If you break up with someone you thought was your unicorn, it's only going to make it that much harder to move on.
Imperfections Are Kind Of What Makes A Person
The things that make us imperfect are such a big part of who we are, so why would you want to miss seeing those things in someone? Getting to know those imperfect parts of each other is what creates vulnerability.
There Is A Difference Between The Perfect Partner And The Perfect Person
OK, so. I think sometimes this comes down to not being able to tell the difference between someone who you made up in your mind to be perfect, and someone who would make the perfect partner for you.
Thinking Your New BF Is A Unicorn Creates An Imbalance
You don't want to be in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power. Making him perfect makes you less than him, and it kind of puts him in a position of control.
If They're Perfect, Does That Mean You Have To Be Too?
Like we said earlier, if he's so great, you're probably great, too. Don't forget that you're just as incredible a partner who should be cherished and loved. Give your partner a chance to make you feel that way too.
You Don't Want Your Illusions To Become Your Reality
If you put all these pressures and projections on a relationship, then you might miss out on how great your actual relationship is. You have to be realistic about the way your relationship is going.
Instead, Try To Be Real With Each Other
Being your honest self is the best way to be in a good relationship. It's never going to be perfect, but if you can promise to be your real selves, you're off to a good start.
Accept That They're Going To Be Flawed Just Like You
Remember that you're not perfect either, and like we've said, your partner isn't going to be. You just have to decide what you are willing to compromise on and what you're not.
Always Give Yourselves A Lot Of Room To Grow
Remember that people are going to change, just like you're going to change, and that means your relationship is going to change as well. With some luck, you'll both be able to grow together and be happy in your imperfect relationship.
