Single People Get Real About Their Biggest Dating Struggles
Not only is it hard to find someone you actually want to date, but it's even harder, when you've found someone, to figure out how to keep them and make it work. The struggles are endless. These singles got vulnerable sharing some of their biggest ones on Reddit, and maybe we can all learn from them.
Online Dating Is Quantity Over Quality
"On the surface, it seems great in that you can meet people online without having to physically see each other to make contact. The trade-off is the utter mountain of nonsense and completely shallow profiles." —ancapailldorcha
It seemed like a world full of possibilities at first, until it became clear that more options only mean more bad matches to sift through.
Having To Actually Care About Someone Other Than Yourself
"It's easier to just come home and Netflix the evening away." —[deleted]
Dating comes with expectations. You're now supposed to take another person's feelings, schedule, and lifestyle into account every time you need to make a decision.
Having To Put Up A Front
"Constantly feeling like just a party trick. I can hold a conversation and crack a witty joke or reply, but most of the time I'm silent."
"I feel as though if I started dating someone, when they get to know the real me, they'll find an empty void. I fear overstaying my welcome in someone's life and being revealed for the true person I am." —[deleted]
However, the right person will keep on liking you the more they get to know the real you.
Figuring Out The Line Between Standards And Pickiness
"Getting to my late 20s, I don't want to date anyone I don't see a serious future with. Makes it way too easy to pick holes in people, probably quite unfairly." —GarlicyBread
Although it's healthy to set standards, sometimes we get too caught up in them and we don't give chances to people who might end up surprising us.
Getting Too Comfortable Being Single
"I'm maybe a bit too comfortable being single. I got a good thing going right now. I operate on my schedule, I do what I want when I want, and I'm able to be totally self-absorbed." —thatlldopigthatldo
Dating doesn't mean having to give all that up completely, but there is an amount of freedom, free time, and low effort that just doesn't fit with being in a relationship.
Is it Flirting, Or Are They Just Being Friendly?
"I have no idea how to flirt or read whether women are/aren't trying to flirt with me, so I always just sit on the side of caution and assume they aren't. I see it happen to others, I understand what things are done, but I just don't know how to apply it to myself." —thelokester
It's usually safer to assume they're just being friendly than to read into it and just be disappointed later. Why can't they just come out and tell you if they like you?
Potential Mates Are Either Busy Or Flaky
"Many people I meet can't answer their phone or respond to a text. Many people cancel plans or don’t even show up. The ones that finally get past this initial stage are often busy, so I can rarely see them." —beefstewforyou
How did we become so busy that we can't even make time for each other anymore? There's so much more to life than the tasks we get caught up in every day.
Looking For The Wrong Kind Of Person
"I'm attracted to instability." —murderousbudgie.
Sounds like I'd get along with this person as I tend to be attracted to anything toxic myself.
Often, we get caught up in the excitement and get sweet-talked by the wrong people, completely ignoring all the red flags. Then that relationship hurts us so we swear off of love altogether.
It's Hard To Find New People
"I don't put myself in scenarios to meet other people. I go to work (small company), go home. The only time I actually come into contact with someone new is at a store or restaurant, but that seems very inappropriate to hit on someone who HAS to be there.
"Plus I can't keep a conversation going with someone on Tinder." —Lelentos
Ironically, technology has made it harder to meet new people, as it's no longer as acceptable to strike up conversations with strangers and meet people the old-fashioned way.
Being Your Own Worst Critic
"I don't think I'm a good enough person right now to be in a healthy relationship. I'm broke, out of shape, and very insecure. I need to get it together before I can feel comfortable asking someone to share their life with me." —unitythrufaith
The truth is, you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. You need to build that confidence to avoid the risk of someone walking all over you and be in a healthy relationship.
Overthinking Is Getting The Better Of You
"I overthink, which leads to overreacting or too much damage control and thus causes them to think I'm insane, so they lose interest, and then the depression kicks in.
"Long story short, I need to chill." —IrishWithoutPotatoes
The mind plays tricks on us. Our insecurities get the best of us. Whatever it is, overthinking can cause us to be our own worst enemies, but there are ways to rewire our brains against it.
Comparing Yourself To Others
"I think I'm pretty enough, but then I go out and see all these women looking fabulous and feel like slinking home to hide. Honestly feel like if a guy had a choice between me and them, it'd be them every time." —notsocrazycatlady101
It's hard to find confidence in a world where we're surrounded by models in movies and social media setting an unrealistic beauty standard for the rest of us.
The Ghosting Culture
"The fact that we have a date set up and they just stop talking to you. Or when you've actually had a date or two and they just stop talking to you. It's really annoying and immature if you're not interested just tell me I'm a big boy I can take it." —thr0aty0gurt
It's so easy with online dating now to just hide behind a screen and not deal with any real-life confrontations.
Not Knowing How To Stand Out
"I get that 'Hi there. How are you?' is boring, particularly when 500 other men are in your inbox with that same opening line, but having to come up with a zinger, pun, or a memorable pickup line for every new woman I match with is tiring.
"I want to connect with someone, not dance like a trained monkey for them." —FuzzyElf47
Having too many potentials is a mixed blessing. It makes it even harder to find the right one.
Feeling Pressured Into Dating By Others
"I just want to remain single and enjoy my life but society thinks that's weird, so friends and family keep trying to coerce me into a relationship. That and too many men want kids and I want no part of that." —VivaLaSea
It's hard to feel justified in wanting to remain single on purpose and not going along with all of the social expectations, milestones, and general life path. What if you just wanted to travel solo for the rest of your life?
Rejection Hurts The Same Every Time
"Constantly getting rejected, even from girls I assumed I had a good chance with. Also whenever I'm talking to someone new, and it feels like there's something there, I find out they have a bf/husband or they're talking to someone else." —jerbear574
I don't think anyone ever gets "used to" rejection. It always feels just as disappointing to find out someone you like picked someone else over you.
Getting Hung Up On An Ex
"Heart is still with my ex. Been that way for a year and it hasn't gotten any better." —RockefellerRozay
The good news is that it always does get better. The bad news is there is no answer on how long that might take, and it can cause you to miss out on some opportunities.
Constant Love Triangles
"The people I want to date don't want to date me. The people who do want to date me, I don’t want." —frickingfrackingf**k
It's often ironically the people you don't want that want you and the people you want that want someone else. It's a vicious cycle.
Seeing Everyone Else Be In Relationships
"All of my friends are dating. I don't have anyone to prowl with." —PopeBasilisk
The worst feeling is when you too want to be in a relationship and can't find anyone but still have to witness all the happy couples on social media and listen to all your friends gush about their boos.
Sharing Common Ground
"I have a real hard time finding people with similar interests and good communication skills. I'm not super well versed in pop culture and so I don't pick up on the references people like to bond over.
"I'm a good conversationalist, I like discussing art, culture and above all, literature and foreign languages." —westitchthesewounds
It's one thing to be attracted to someone, it's another to actually be able to connect with them.
Where Are The Interesting People At?
"Most people are bland. Those people on TV, bland. Pro athletes, bland. Everyone you talk to seems interesting because they are giving you the same party trick you are giving them. Their Instagram is curated. You see everyone's highlight reel." - Robo_Ross
It's hard to know if you're meeting the real person these days. Social media has made everything feel so fake.
Some People Are Just Happy On Their Own
"I don't need to be with someone. I would never settle. I would gladly live the rest of my life alone than spend it with someone I don't actually want to spend it with. Of course, that's a terrifying idea as well. Is someone settling for me?
Am I only in this because they are tired of looking? That's something I vet for. I have to gauge if they're truly there or not." - cornndog
Knowing What We Want Can Be Just As Frustrating As Not Knowing
"I've been in a long-term relationship, and most of it was good, so I know what I'm aiming for if that makes sense? If I get the idea that someone I could date won't match up to what I've already had, I struggle to really be interested." - GarlicyBread
Our standards might be too high. If it doesn't look a certain way initially, you write it off before it has a chance to become anything.
There Are Things Other Than Dating That People Find Important
"As I've gotten older, the drive to be with someone has waned substantially and, according to several of my older acquaintances, it really fades in your 50s and beyond. Honestly, if I had the option, I'd turn the urge off altogether." - SoleInvictus
As life goes on you start to realize that there are so many other things in the world that you can focus on.
Self Esteem Will Always Be A Struggle
"In my early 20s, I was fat and ugly. Now I'm almost 30 and just ugly and feel like I missed the boat." -DGAFasaurus
If you've ever struggled with your self-esteem, it can be hard to let those things go. Deep down, we all feel like that insecure person from time to time.
People Like Their Alone Time
"Part of me wants to go on dates and spend time with someone I like, but only when I feel to it. Another part of me is like, "What if he wants to call me frequently? What if he wants to see me every weekend? What if he wants to text throughout the day?" and I worry I'll get sick of someone because of that.
So, I think I sometimes sabotage my own dating efforts by not being as open as I should and maybe seeming a little uninterested even when I really am." - optigan
Keeping It Casual Isn't For Everyone
"The struggle would be trying to "keep it casual". Apparently, no one in their 20's or early 30's wants to be in a long-term relationship." - [deleted]
It seems as though so many people out there aren't looking for anything serious. They just want something "casual."
It Takes A Lot Of Guts To Date
"Courage.
I've basically spent my life coming up with reasons not to get into a relationship. Investing in school. Investing in career. No options near me. I'm not going to live here very long. Got some injury I'm bouncing back from. Excuse after excuse. And now I'm like 10 years behind the game and not sure how to learn to play without wasting people's time.
Sometimes I fear I'm so far behind it's not worth trying to catch up." - LotusFlare
Texting Is Always So Frustrating
"I suck at texting. And apparently, texting is a very necessary form of communication both to get into a relationship and to maintain one." - iwenttoseeaboutagirl
There has to be better ways to communicate with one another than just texting all the time? How come it feels like this is the only way we can connect?
The Creeps Are Out There
"Creeps. Creeps are the worst part about dating right now. It can be really hard to gauge a man's creep factor over text, so I'd get pumped up for dates only to be really disappointed." - quamamoena91
Someone had to say it. There are a lot of creeps out there that are going to make dating more frustrating than it needs to be.
