Signs You Should Be Suspicious Of A Guy’s Ex—According To A Guy
When you start dating someone new, it's inevitable to admit that they probably have an ex or two (or many more) in their history. It's totally normal to be curious or even a bit apprehensive about your new boyfriend's exes, but sometimes the feelings go beyond that—sometimes you even worry about what she still means to him.
These are signs that you should be suspicious of your boyfriend's ex—as told by a guy.
He Brings Up His Ex Often Without Prompting
It's one thing for him to mention his ex once or twice in passing or if you ask him about her, but it's weird if you're regularly hearing her name in conversation without any prompting.
He Won't Tell You Why They Broke Up
Past breakups will naturally come up in conversation when you're seeing someone new, and most people are willing to share why something didn't work out in the past. It's suspicious if he refuses to talk about the breakup, especially if it's his most recent ex.
They Still Talk To Each Other Regularly
It's one thing to send a happy birthday text to an ex or talk to each other in passing, but it's another thing to hold conversations with them frequently, and it might suggest he still has strong feelings for her.
He's Very Sentimental About Her
You should be wary if he talks about his ex in a nostalgic or overwhelmingly loving way. Sure, he might have once had those feelings for her, but he shouldn't still have that level of attachment to her.
He Goes Out Of His Way To Defend His Ex
It's normal for someone to be amicable with an ex, but he goes above and beyond to stand up for her; even if she does something that's clearly wrong, he defends or justifies her actions.
He Compares You To Her
A man consistently comparing you to another woman is suspicious, but consciously making direct comparisons between the two of you, even if they seem positive, is troubling since it shows how she is still on his mind.
If You Meet Her, She's Very Cold Toward You
Okay, so meeting a boyfriend's ex is generally an awkward experience, but there's no reason for her to be cold towards you unless she still has feelings for him and views you as a threat.
They Hang Out Together...Alone
It's pretty normal if they have mutual friends so they end up at gatherings together, but hanging out one-on-one with an ex-girlfriend is extremely suspicious behavior and could mean he's cheating with her.
He Says He Feels Responsible As An Emotional Support For Her
When you date someone for a long time, you naturally become one of their main supports so, after the breakup, it can be hard for them. However, she should be leaning on friends and family, and not him for support. If he continuously makes her needs a priority, it's an issue.
He's Emotionally Distant From You
Every time you try to get emotionally intimate with him, he doesn't seem to be fully there. It almost feels like he's purposely maintaining emotional distance from you or doesn't really want to connect.
You Feel Like He Just Isn't Invested In You
Sure, you're seeing each other or dating, but it almost feels like he doesn't really care if things work out between the two of you or he isn't that invested in getting to know you. He could just be still emotionally invested in his past relationship.
Changing Her Name In His Phone
You notice that he's constantly texting someone named "Garrett" but he doesn't have any friends named Garrett and the messages, when they appear on his screen, seem suspiciously more than friendly.
So What Do You Do About It?
It can be hard to know what to do in this situation because it might come off as sounding like you're personally insecure or simply jealous of her despite there being a couple of red flags suggesting there's something really going on.
Ask Him About It Directly
Rather than letting things build up in your head or jumping to conclusions, sit your boyfriend down and ask him about his connection with his ex, explaining why you think there might be something going on.
He Might Not Even Really Realize What He's Doing
Remember that most men aren't socialized to dissect and analyze emotional situations and relationships. He might be innocently responding to her reaching out to him without considering that she might have motives beyond being friendly.
He Might Have Other Reasons For His Fixation On His Ex
Sometimes, people talk about their ex a lot as a result of traumas they faced from the relationship being toxic or damaging to them, and talking about it is part of their healing process.
It Might Hurt, But It's Better To Get The Truth Out There
Lastly, he really could just be harboring feelings for an ex, whether he wants to or not. It hurts to know that he's still emotionally invested in a past relationship, but it's better that you know than remain in the dark.
It Might Mean You're Best Going Your Separate Ways
The reality is that he might not be as ready for a new relationship as he originally thought and needs more time alone. Going your separate ways might be the healthiest option for both of you.
You Deserve To Be With Someone Who Fully Wants You
As much as you might have liked the guy, you really do deserve to be with someone who's ready to invest the same amount of emotion, intimacy, and time into you as you are for them.
Don't Demonize The Ex
At the end of the day, even if she was actively trying to "steal" him back, she's not responsible for the choices the guy made. She's not the one who hurt you—he is. Sometimes in love, there's no bad guy—just complicated emotions.
