I Schedule My Breakups Ahead Of Time, And I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

Breakups are never easy for anyone involved, and they tend to mess up your life for a bit of time. You need to take time to watch some movies, listen to some sad Taylor Swift songs, and eat a few pints of ice cream.

Some would say that there is no good time or place to experience a breakup, but I’d disagree, and that’s why I schedule my breakups.

To Be Honest, It Fits My Personality Quite Well

woman making notes writing on bed desk
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Paico Oficial
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Paico Oficial

I am a pretty Type A person: I love organizing things into their correct place, my apartment is always spotless, and I live and die by my day planner. Like, I schedule everything into my day planner ahead of time.

It makes me calm to think that I can find a correct time and place to get anything done, and breakups are no exception.

So What Exactly Do I Mean By Schedule?

open day planner with a pen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Renata Adrienn
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Renata Adrienn

It is not like I get into relationships already planning a breakup date, and it’s not like I schedule my breakup like another appointment in my Google calendar just because I have some open space on Thursday at 5 p.m.

However, once I’ve come to the conclusion that a partner and I have to call it quits, I don’t just dump the information on them.

I Think About How A Breakup Might Affect Me Short Term

woman sitting and looking out open window
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kinga Cichewicz
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kinga Cichewicz

One of the hardest things about a breakup is that someone who has been pretty constantly in your life will suddenly disappear. Your daily life and your support system get disrupted.

On top of that, the emotional stress of a breakup really takes a toll on you in all aspects of your life: you’re not as able to function at work or in other important tasks you might have.

I Think, Therefore I Plan

woman writing on empty page
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ana Tavares
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ana Tavares

When I am planning a breakup, I strategically plan to do it at some time when I’m going to have fewer external stressors to deal with. I make sure it’s not going to be the day before I have a big work presentation or something equally as stressful, because I know how hard it is to be focused when you’re experiencing emotional stress.

When I was in college, I had a boyfriend break up with me the day before I had a big essay due and two final exams. Naturally, I ended up receiving some of the worst grades of my academic career. I learned that timing should be considered when it comes to big emotional events.

Of Course, It’s Not All About Me

man and woman holding hands standing back to back
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Henri Pham
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Henri Pham

I always also consider what my partner has going on before dropping a breakup on them. I’ll consider what stressors they might have.

I make sure to pick a time when they’ll be able to really process the breakup, be surrounded by supportive friends or family, and won’t have to deal with other things on their plate while doing so.

There Are Other Factors To Consider As Well

silhouette of man and woman holding hands
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alex Iby
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alex Iby

I always look at the big picture when planning a breakup. Did I agree to go as a plus-one to a wedding that weekend? If so, it would be rude to break up right before that.

Is there a major holiday, like Christmas, coming up? If so, perhaps I should break up with them before they think about getting me a gift.

The Exact Time And Place Are Important, Too

day planner with

Another facet of planning a breakup is to figure out a time and place that are mutually beneficial to both parties.

I’ll never do a breakup before my partner or I have to go to an event immediately afterward. I think it’s in good taste to do breakups in a private space in case the other person wants to cry so that they can feel comfortable knowing that no one is watching.

It’s Not An Excuse To Put Off A Breakup

calendar with cork boxes hung on wall
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Monica Sauro
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Monica Sauro

I would like to be clear: “scheduling” your breakup isn’t an excuse to put off doing the deed for a long period of time because you’re dreading it.

In my opinion, the furthest in advance that you should schedule your breakup is four weeks out, and that’s only in the situation where there are no feasible times before that are considerate of your partner’s feelings. I would say that the sooner, the better.

I Have Been Called “Cold” For This Practice Before

woman with eyes closed tilting her head up
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Brooke Cagle
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Brooke Cagle

I’ve had people in my life criticize me for planning out my breakups in advance. Some say that it’s more important to express my feelings when I feel them rather than making a partner wait.

Personally, I think scheduling in advance allows me to make sure I’m not being rash in the decision as well as giving me a chance to really figure out my thoughts so I can communicate them with my partner when I decide to follow through on the breakup.

I’m Not Saying It’s For Everyone

open day planner with pencil
Photo Credit: Unsplash / JESHOOTS.com
Photo Credit: Unsplash / JESHOOTS.com

Relationships don’t come with a manual, and there is no one “right” way to break up with someone. While scheduling and planning are helpful ways to approach the act, there are other ways to go about it that are equally as valid.

However, if you’re someone who can get anxious about how breakups will affect the other parts of your life, or if you’re someone who finds peace in having things organized and scheduled, I recommend giving it a shot if you (unfortunately) have to break up with someone someday.