This list could actually be endless. The average of left swipes to right swipes for the majority of women has to be around 50 to 1 at the very least. Before you blame dating culture and the multitude of options, maybe men need to consider that it’s their lackluster profiles that are the issue.
From captions with no substance to self-proclaimed “alpha males,” these profiles immediately got a left swipe.
“I’m An Open Book”
“Or ‘just ask’—man, give me something to work with!” —sassylittlespoon / Reddit
By saying you’re an open book without even giving out the title is like saying that all the pages are blank and there’s no substance to that book.
“‘Alpha Male,’ ‘here for a good time, not a long time,’ ‘fluent in sarcasm,’ and ‘is anyone on here real?'” —ladylovie / Reddit
These are all the makings of the same type of guy. If you have to describe yourself as an alpha male, then you’re clearly just trying to convince yourself. We often attribute that to your insecurities.
“Anyone that has ‘entrepreneur’ on their profile is someone I do not want to be around.” —WitherWithout / Reddit
Entrepreneur of what? Just the word by itself is so vague and makes us think of pyramid schemes. For all we know, you could be an entrepreneur selling soap from Avon.
“Don’t Waste My Time”
“‘Don’t waste my time.’ OK, swiped left, congrats on conserving your time.” —color-balance / Reddit
It’s not our fault that you deem every failed connection as a waste of your time rather than learning from them and growing to be a better person who comes up with substantial captions.
“Because Apparently, That Matters”
“Any height followed by ‘because apparently that matters.’ Or, listing nothing but height.” —EricaCrop / Reddit
Usually, this is an indication that you actually don’t feel good about your height, while we really don’t care. Our attraction to you will be based on so much more than how tall you loom over us.
“Make Me Change My Mind About Women”
“It’s very manipulative and the perfect bait for ‘pick me girls.'” —KitchenBiscotti1 / Reddit
Why do some men think of women still as catty competitors when really we’re all part of the same sisterhood? Saying something like this is an insult to all women and a huge turn-off.
“Message Me If…”
“One time a guy had on his OKC ‘message me if you know how they get the M on the M&M’ So I messaged him ‘it’s a stamp!’ with a link to an article, and he was like ‘Uh ok.'” —ParadiseSold / Reddit
This is why dating is confusing. You’re the one who asked to be messaged about this, so the first step to communication would be acknowledgment.
A Novel About Your Ex
“Saying you’re ready to settle down with that elusive right woman, and then writing a novel about how much you hate your ex/how she made you cheat/how she stole everything/why you went to jail…
“It’s like a really bad infomercial with lots of more, but no actual product.” —JustWentToGround / Reddit
“If You Can’t Take A Joke…”
“‘or are easily offended’…” —nzkwjb / Reddit
How come these men won’t consider that the issue might be their insensitive and not-at-all-funny jokes? This is a red flag for the kind of guys who will insult you, mask it as a joke, and then get confused at why you’re upset.
“Looking For An Intelligent Companion”
“Which is fine. However, the pretentious rant that comes after that usually destroys it. So, are you looking for your intellectual equal, or are you looking for someone to dumb it down enough to give your sad rant some credibility?” —JustWentToGround / Reddit
Rather than ask for it, look for it, and determine for yourself if you’re an intellectual match.
“You Wanna Know Who The Most Beautiful Person In The World Is?”
“‘…Just read the first word again’ I found this on the profile of my old boss, who super liked me. He was one of the worst bosses I’ve worked for.” —urbanlulu / Reddit
Here is our take on that: “You wanna know who is staying single another day? Just read the first word again.”
“I Never Get Matches Anyway”
“Anything that’s unironically self-deprecating. Like ‘Nobody swipes right on me…'” —you-lack-attention17 / Reddit
Fake it till you make it, but not so much as to lie. Just enough to show your best and most confident self even if that’s not the way that you feel at all times.
“I Promise I Won’t Kill You”
“He said THAT and then kept referring in-jokes to it. ‘Promise I’m not a serial killer, I’ll get you home on time. I love going for walks on the beach and I’ll keep you safe. Don’t worry my trunk has a safety handle on the inside and I promise I won’t kill you… Etc. What started out as a joke in the beginning actually started to scare me by the end.” —You_MayBeRight / Reddit
We get that this an unspoken fear, but that’s what makes it no joking matter.
A Picture Of Your Car
“Not a phrase, but a picture of their car/truck/bike as their profile picture with or without them in the picture too. Unless there is a cat in there somewhere it’s just kind of odd. Should I assume that you are a car?” —embersapril / Reddit
Who knows…maybe they’re a transformer!
“Love A Girl Who Can Cook”
“Anything involving women who can cook. ‘Will introduce you to my parents if you can cook’ etc. If that’s the relationship two people want cool, no judgment, but to me, it reads like you can’t cook and are going to expect me to do it for you.” —Alternative_Answer / Reddit
We’re only here for relationships with equal give and take!
“Wearing Make Up Is Not A Hobby”
“Then what is it then??” —darling_of_knowledge / Reddit
Men go around preaching that they hate when women wear a ton of makeup and prefer a natural look. What they don’t realize is that while they think a natural look is no makeup at all, they’re still expecting the airbrushed look, which still involves makeup.
“Let Me Show You How You Should Be Treated”
“This screams of insecurity, possessiveness, and toxic masculinity.” —LittleWinchester / Reddit
Usually, these phrases come with some kind of savior mentality and imply that a woman can’t survive otherwise. While these men portray themselves as gentlemen, they tend to have old-fashioned views on gender roles.
“Loyal And Faithful To One Woman Only”
“That sounds like a warning label on an appliance. Sounds like his life got torpedoed when he got caught cheating.” —JustWentToGround / Reddit
Usually, this is a red flag for possessive and insecure boyfriends. Monogamy doesn’t mean control over your partner. It only means trust.
“Love To Settle Down With A Woman Who Can Tame Me”
“Translation: ‘I’m gonna treat you like my mom, except with sex. Then I’m going to complain that you’re no fun.'” —coffeeblossom / Reddit
This is the same man that is going to cheat a year down the line and blame it on the fact that you were trying to “change” him.