Men Reveal The Ridiculous Reasons They Left Their Ex

If you think you’ve heard it all, think again. The reasons these men dumped their girlfriends will remind you that love truly is dead…until you catch yourself siding with the man who just couldn’t handle the strict “fries and nuggets” diet his girlfriend was on.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

birthday party with cake
Photo Credit: Becky Fantham / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Becky Fantham / Unsplash

“I was 4 days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn’t break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift and I wasn’t willing to make a 34-day commitment to the relationship.” —shakeyjake

I would have at least waited to see what the gift was. A gift is a gift, no take-backs.

Applying Condiments Freely

woman eats a burger
Photo Credit: Angelos Michalopoulos / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Angelos Michalopoulos / Unsplash

“She was putting mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it all over the fries.

“Then she licked the mustard off her hand. You would never ever think she would do this by looking at her or speaking to her.” —callmesnake13

Honestly, that’s just gross. At least use a spoon or something.

She Smelled Like His Mother

Woman Applies Deodorant by mirror
Photo Credit: The Creative Exchange / Unsplash
Photo Credit: The Creative Exchange / Unsplash

“She wore the same deodorant as my mother does.” —bobrobertsonson

I guess the Oedipus complex has been proven wrong by this guy. On the other hand, he could’ve simply asked her to switch deodorant scents.

A Built-In Narrator

couple drives in sunset
Photo Credit: Darwin Vegher / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Darwin Vegher / Unsplash

“She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving. ‘Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree’ (that’s how she would say it)” —I_Say_I_Say

I can see how this would get annoying after a while, but it would also be kinda cool having a life narrator at all times like you’re in your own movie.

Like Dating The Cookie Monster

woman enjoys her food
Photo Credit: Pablo Merchan Montes / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Pablo Merchan Montes / Unsplash

“I dated this girl who was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of mmms and noms as well. It was like dating the cookie monster.” —CloudJockey

Just let the woman enjoy her food! There aren’t many other things that bring us joy these days, okay?!

Ruining The Whole Movie

eating popcorn in bed
Photo Credit: jeshoots / Unsplash
Photo Credit: jeshoots / Unsplash

“She would constantly talk specifically during the dialogue of movies. In scenes where nobody was talking…silence. Then as soon as somebody started talking: ‘did you read the article on Shea Butter in the paper?'” —adamiojsg

You can only rewind so many times before it gets really annoying that someone keeps talking over it. Either watch it together or leave.

Who Actually LIKES watching Commericials?

clicking on remote to watch tv
Photo Credit: Erik Mclean / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Erik Mclean / Unsplash

“When she watched shows on the DVR she wouldn’t fast-forward through the commercials.” —happilybitter

This has got to be some kind of psychopath trait, right? Who actually likes to sit through commercials when they have the option to skip them?!

The Human Echo

singing along to ipod
Photo Credit: Bruce Mars / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Bruce Mars / Unsplash

“She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn’t know the words until she HEARD them. It got SO annoying, SO quickly.” —geekstorm

That seems very confusing to the brain. How do you even hear the right lyrics if you’re constantly singing over them with the delay?

On A Strict Diet Of Fries And Nuggets

mcdonalds meal tray
Photo Credit: sepet wqyan / Unsplash
Photo Credit: sepet wqyan / Unsplash

“She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.

“I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonald’s to get nugs/fries.” —[deleted]

I mean, we all love us some nuggs and fries, but the body needs its nutrients sometimes…

Too High To Reach

man runs up the stairs
Photo Credit: Heidi Fin / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Heidi Fin / Unsplash

“I broke up with a girl because her apartment was an 8th-floor walk-up.” —citylims

I guess he just wasn’t ready for a relationship on this level. Or he was just really lazy and she dodged a bullet. They could’ve at least met at his place instead.

Matching Skirt To Matching Socks

woman with multiple shopping bags
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash

“I was out shopping with a girl. She picked out a skirt, and when she went up to pay for them, the woman at the register asked her if she needed a pair of matching socks.

“My girlfriend happily said ‘Yes,’ and I thought that totally unacceptable, that she could be so quickly and easily swayed to make yet another purchase. It was SHOCKING to me.” —rayrayheyhey

Clearly, this man doesn’t understand how hard it is to match the right socks to a skirt.

Clearly, She DID Mind

couple sits on couch in front of netflix
Photo Credit: Cotton Bro / Pexels
Photo Credit: Cotton Bro / Pexels

“She always said ‘I don’t mind’ as the answer to every question put to her. What film do you want to see? What do you want from the chippy? What club do you want to go to tonight? Always ‘I don’t mind,’ so I would make a choice only to be met with ‘ugh, I don’t like that. I would rather [insert choice]'” —Bamboo_Steamer

In her defense, it’s a lot easier to know what we don’t want than what we do want. Call it a process of elimination. He, for example, is eliminated.

The Man Who Only Dates Women With No Smell

woman takes a whiff of the flowers
Photo Credit: Daniel Apodaca / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Daniel Apodaca / Unsplash

“She had a smell. It wasn’t a bad smell. It was quite pleasant. Everyone likes her smell. I hated that. I only date women that don’t have any smell at all now.” —PM_ME_UR_PANTY_COLOR

Is that even a thing? Is he looking to date a doll? It’s called being alive and having pheromones. We all have a smell, it’s unavoidable.

She Was Literally Out Of This World

beer cup at baseball game
Photo Credit: esmejones / Reddit
Photo Credit: esmejones / Reddit

“I took her to a baseball game and things were going well. But she kept referring to the crowd as ‘the humans’ or ‘you humans.’

“For instance, we all did the wave at the game. She laughs and says ‘You humans have weird customs.’ This freaked me out. All I could think was if we are the humans… wth are you?!” —mekio_san

Cats Deserve Nothing Less

the cutest cat smiles at camera
Photo Credit: Jae Park / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Jae Park / Unsplash

“Anytime a cat walked into her line of sight (we’re lesbians, there’s always a cat around), she would go ‘kitty!’ Didn’t matter if she was in the middle of saying something or if I was talking about something. It just popped out of her mouth. I couldn’t handle it.” —esmejones

I really don’t see the issue here? Cats need to be appreciated, that’s it, that’s all.

A True Full House Fan

full house family cast
Photo Credit: L. Cohen/WireImage
Photo Credit: L. Cohen/WireImage

“She would say ‘how rude’ whenever someone would tease her or be sarcastic. In that ridiculous Stephanie Tanner from Full House way. This wasn’t just sometimes. Every. Single. Time.

“Her entire sense of humor revolved around Full House.” —Skullpuck

I mean, Full House was arguably a great show, but it was very unrealistic and we should not base our life choices accordingly.

Priorities Here Are A Little Off

woman does some gardening
Photo Credit: Benjamin Combs / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Benjamin Combs / Unsplash

“She worked as a florist and did a lot of gardening around her house. This led to her hands being fairly dry often, even though she used lotion. I always felt like I held hands with a dude with small rough hands.” —Hey_Martin

Couldn’t he focus on how good she was at taking care of and growing things that were alive? It shows she’s nurturing, organized, and talented. But no, her hands weren’t soft enough…

He Underestimated Her Pscychology Skills

psychology on type writer
Photo Credit: markus Winkler / Unsplash
Photo Credit: markus Winkler / Unsplash

“She called herself ‘pretty much a psychologist’ after taking Psych 1000.” —omeezysheezy

You don’t need a class to read people, it’s a gift. Some people are just born with it, and maybe she was one of them.

It’s A Journey Not A Race

woman sits on edge of path
Photo Credit: vlad Bagacian / Unsplash
Photo Credit: vlad Bagacian / Unsplash

“She walked too slow. We’d go out somewhere and walk down the street and I’d turn around and she’s like 20 feet behind me.” —daveysaurusrex

Clearly, he didn’t know how to appreciate the journey and was always in a rush to get to the destination. Take a second to appreciate the scenery.

Define “Travel”

woman points at map
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash

“She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her ‘travels to the grocery store’ or ‘my travels to Yosemite.'” —moderatelysizedmikel

Who are we to redefine travel for her? I count leaving my couch to go to the fridge as travel.