As a general rule of thumb, I would prefer not to be cheated on. I just don’t think that getting cheated on is for me. That being said, it’s not exactly something that is within my control.
Of course, any kind of cheating in a relationship would be very painful, but sometimes there is an even worse double betrayal involved in who they cheat with.
I Started Thinking With This TikTok
While it’s obviously a joke being made between this couple, it still made me start thinking about how who someone cheats with does actually mean something.
After some hard thought, I decided to rank the 18 worst people my boyfriend could cheat on me with for this hard-hitting piece of journalism, from least to most devastating.
18. Some Sort Of Celebrity
Let’s be real: at least it would make sense. There’s only really a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get it on with someone famous, so you have to take it if it’s there.
I mean, I would probably cheat on my boyfriend for Harry Styles.
17. A Random Woman He Met At A Bar
At least there was really nothing else going on there: he was just drunk and dumb and she was just drunk and present.
It would just be a one and done and I think I could emotionally recover from that.
16. His High School Sweetheart
I think I would feel a weird sense of superiority over my boyfriend if he went back to his high school sweetheart.
Like, why are you trying to relive your glory days by kissing the girl you met in math class? Embarrassing.
15. The Person Who Has To Dress Like A Hot Dog And Spins A Sign On The Side Of The Road
This one, while objectively hilarious, would make me wonder: what did he see in a person getting paid way too little money to spin a sign that he didn’t see in me?
I would have a total meltdown over it.
14. His Best Friend’s Girlfriend
It’s one thing for him to ruin my life, but there’s something vaguely comforting in the idea of him ruining his own too.
Sure, our relationship is in shreds, but he won’t even have his bros to go back to.
13. A Lady Of The Night
This is so boring and cliché, but at least I could have the satisfaction of knowing that she was definitely not as into him as he thought.
I might get screwed over, but at least another woman is collecting a bag.
12. His Ex Who Is Less Hot Than Me
Once you go great, you’re never supposed to go good again.
Is it shallow that I’d feel a little better knowing that I’m hotter than her? Yes. Would I still do it? Absolutely.
11. His “Work Wife”
It’s so funny how a partner’s work life is so foreign from your own.
It would be upsetting to know that my boyfriend wasn’t just platonically getting along with a coworker, though. Was he too busy flirting to get a raise? Annoying.
10. The Barista At My Favorite Coffee Shop
I’m sure the barista is a nice woman or whatever, but I would never be able to look her in the eye as she made my chai tea latté again.
I’d have to go search for a new favorite coffee place, which would be so inconvenient.
9. His Ex Who Is Hotter Than Me
Once again, I can get a little shallow, and my ego would definitely suffer from some strong bruising if my boyfriend went back to his super hot ex.
I just know I would be stalking her Instagram incessantly.
8. My Estranged Cousin Becky
I always have had this dream that me and Becky might reconnect and be close again sometime in the future, so having my boyfriend cheat on me with her would definitely ruin that.
I just want the fantasy to stay alive, you know?
7. His Female Best Friend He Told Me Not To Worry About
I always just knew there was something going on under the surface there.
On one hand, I would feel a little satisfied in knowing I was right. On the other hand, I would never trust again.
6. A Woman Who Looks Like A Younger Version Of Me
Once again, my ego could not take the idea of being “replaced” by a younger model of myself. My beta-version. My younger, hotter self.
I’ve already had an ex start dating a younger version of me, so this would just be the next, more devastating, step.
5. One Of My Friends
We’re getting into the real scary ones: the double betrayals.
It’s one thing to have a partner cheat, but to also be betrayed by someone whose hair I’ve held while they puked in a bar bathroom? I’d be livid.
4. My Mortal Enemy
This is a severe betrayal because I can’t imagine, after countless hours hearing me rant about this woman I can’t stand, having my boyfriend hook up with her.
She’d be so smug about it too.
3. My Best Friend
I think I’d be even more upset at the best friend than the man in this situation.
There’s something just deeply unsettling about the person who knows all of your secrets and fears betraying you like that.
2. My Sister
It’s such a classic one from the movies, but so bizarre to me.
If it ever happened to me, I would spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn’t take her out as a child.
1. My Mom
I feel like I don’t even need to explain this one.
I just know that I would never recover from the devastation of this happening. I would make a therapist very rich in the years it would take me to unpack it.
Anyway, My Brain Is Now Filled With Angry Thoughts
I thought that writing this article would be a fun exploration for me to joke about, but now I’m genuinely a little upset.
Guess I’ll go start a fight with my boyfriend over all the hypothetical cheating he’s done in my head!