They say that going through a breakup feels just as painful as mourning a death. As your heart feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces, your mind races. This is when doubt sets in and you start to wonder if you made the right decision, and you feel inclined to give yourself false hope that you can actually fix it after all. STOP.
Nine times out of 10, a breakup happened for a reason. Here are some hard-to-accept signs that you were right to break up in the first place.
You Thought About It For A Long Time
Breakups that happen in the heat of the moment might not last. However, if the many nights you cried yourself to sleep, the never-ending conflicts, and your desperate need for something to change finally pushed you over the edge over time, then this was a long time coming.
You’re Recognizing Yourself In The Mirror Again
As broken as you might feel after a breakup, a part of you is proud of yourself for finally breaking the cycle and getting out.
Now, you can find the person you lost in a relationship that took all your time and energy. Even if you have to drag yourself out the door to go to yoga, you’re doing it.
You Miss Having Someone, But Not Them
Do not mix up the two. Just because you feel a void when you check your phone in the morning and no one’s texted you good morning, that doesn’t mean that you need your toxic ex to be the one to send it. The perks of a relationship can easily be replaced by someone else when you’re ready.
You Don’t Know What Else You Could’ve Done
It’s okay to accept that you gave the relationship everything you could and that it’s not that it wasn’t enough, but it just wasn’t working.
You couldn’t do it all on your own, and if they weren’t putting in the work to help change the situation as well, then it was doomed from the start.
Feelings Of Betrayal Had Started Third-Wheeling The Relationship
Whether you were cheated on, lied to, or had your privacy violated, your trust and level of security have been damaged.
It’s not always possible to get that back. Often, once you’re betrayed, you just can’t get past it, and it comes up again and again in the relationship, like a third wheel.
No One Did Anything Wrong, You Just Grew Apart
Other times, breakups are hard to accept because there was no real falling-out or conflict to be mad about. Rather, you just weren’t the same two people who once fell in love.
You were still both lovely people who cared about one another, but you no longer made a good fit. Some people are simply meant to be a chapter in your story that helps you along the way.
You’re Scared About The Next Step
Take this fear as a blessing. It’s normal to question what’s next after a relationship as you learn to create a new routine. This is because all change comes with anxiety until you adapt to it.
At the same time, this should leave you hopeful because the possibilities are endless. What’s next is entirely up to you.
You Realize You Kept Making Excuses For Them
You loved them, so you kept convincing yourself that their behavior would change and that their mistakes were just slip-ups.
A breakup is a good opportunity to ask yourself what is important to you outside of the relationship and evaluate if your ex measured up. You’ll realize they didn’t actually meet your criteria.
You Were Always Living In Hope For The Future
You stopped living in the present because the present was either too painful or not what you wanted. You kept feeding yourself hope that, one day, things would be different and better.
Ask yourself what’s more worth it: being unhappy now in hope that maybe something will change, or taking control of your happiness and changing it yourself before your life just passes you by.
You Kept Doubting And Shutting Down Your Own Mind
Either because they were defensive or manipulative, your ex kept making you feel like you had no right to be upset, that you were nagging them, or that it was all in your head, so you stayed.
You’re entitled to your feelings and boundaries, and you have the right to express them even if they try to dismiss them.
You No Longer Feel Stuck
Maybe in the moments when you’re alone right now, you’re feeling lost and confused, but at least you no longer feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and that the next thing you say or do might set them off. The next moment no longer feels suffocating, but liberating.
The Lows Were Really Low
Relationships where the highs are really high and the lows are really low are not healthy. Eventually, the lows will outweigh the highs because they’ll bring out the worst in you and slowly break you from the inside.
Balance is key in any healthy relationship.
The Double-Standards Started Piling Up
It is completely unfair that they expected you to clean up after them, get laundry done, and cook every day, yet when you got sick, they told you to just rest and didn’t actually provide you with any of the same care that you give them.
You need to take turns taking care of each other and doing things for one another.
You Didn’t Know How To Talk To Them Anymore
Healthy, positive communication is essential to make a relationship work and last. Although it can be worked on, both parties need to be receptive to listening and expressing their needs.
If they were always getting defensive, avoiding confrontation, brushing issues to the side, and being dismissive, there was no way of communicating with them.
The Compromises Were Mostly On Your Side
There’s no denying that couples have to make compromises in a relationship to take into account both parties’ preferences and needs. This means that there has to be an equal give and take.
If you were constantly the one giving in, your needs weren’t being met while they were getting away with everything they wanted.
You’re Able To Attend More Social Gatherings
You used to have to find excuses, constantly ditching your friends and bailing on events because your ex didn’t feel like going and socializing but also didn’t feel comfortable having you go without them.
Now you get to go wherever, whenever, and without having to report back to anyone.
The Pain Will Pass Over Time
Think of it this way, the longer you stayed, the longer you would delay the process of healing. A breakup hurts the most at first, then less a month later, then eventually, it stops hurting at all.
In comparison, a toxic relationship hurts every day that you’re still in it.
You’re More Productive Since The Breakup
You can finally pick up all those projects you left by the wayside waiting for the right time or hoping your ex would help and support you through them. Your time is all your own.
You can go back to school and change careers, you can travel and experience the world, or you can simply binge-watch reality TV for an entire weekend without ever giving up the TV.
Your Friends Keep Reassuring You It Was The Right Decision
Your friends will always be supportive of your decisions, but chances are they got to see the relationship in a different light than you. They were able to notice how it brought you down.
If they’re telling you it was the right choice, trust them. You’ll eventually come to see it from their perspective too.
Not All Breakups Last Forever
At the end of the day, sometimes breakups are actually a necessary step to make a relationship work.
They act as a wake-up call and give the opportunity for both parties to work on themselves first so that they actually be better people for each other. It’s easy otherwise to get comfortable and not bother.