They say your ex is your ex for a reason. You may not realize it when you first break up as you tread through the initial loss, but almost nine times out of 10, you realize what a true blessing it truly was.
These people definitely dodged a bullet, from exes who turned into level 10 stalkers to those who still tried to steal their Netflix account.
The Ex You’re Still Stuck With On Holiday
Who knows? Maybe this will be a chance for them to rekindle their romance while sipping on pina coladas on the beach.
If not, there’s no better way to get over a break up than a vacation. Just pretend the other one’s not there.
The Exes Who Uses Dead Roses As Metaphors
“He left a dead rose in my mailbox after calling my house about 100 times. Then, called later and asked if I liked my ‘present’ and told me that’s how he feels without me, dead and withered. Somehow, I was not moved to take him back.” —Troll_Flogger
If you’re looking to ruin the romantic value of flowers, this is how. Maybe live roses would’ve been a better gesture.
The Ex Who Didn’t Have The Right Mental State To Get McDonalds
“They told me ‘I just don’t think either of us has the right mental state to date other people right now. Come home, please. Bring McDonald’s.”
I don’t believe not having a mental state to date other people is the basis of a healthy relationship. They should definitely be ordering their own McDonald’s.
The Ex Who Played Mind Games
“She came home to find a pair of women’s panties in their bed. Instead of confronting him, she washed them and put them on pretending she had lost them. She then served him dinner and didn’t eat anything. So he didn’t eat dinner that night.
“She made sure he noticed her new obsession with crime shows, all the while she would make sure to play the ‘perfect’ girl; He was certain she knew about the affair and was planning to murder him…” —Leeza Fedosova / Quora
That’s one way of avoiding confrontation like a grown-up adult.
The Ex Who Still Used The Same Netflix Account
“My brother’s ex had been stealing our Netflix for the past two months now by disguising her account as ‘settings’ and honestly I ain’t even mad. I’m just really disappointed in myself for actually believing that an account named ‘settings’ would legitimately be Netflix settings.” —@yellowgengar2 / Twitter
If I were them, I’d at least ask for a refund on the subscription they took advantage of and maybe get a cheaper Netflix account out of it.
The Ex Who Doubles As An Evil Mastermind
“So I found this key at work. Being the good Samaritan I am, I called the number. Turns out this guy’s ex-wife made about a hundred of these keys and put his number on it, and scattered them around the country on her road trip.
“He is now getting calls 24/7 because of it.” —NotaScientologist / Imgur
At what point do you get a number change? Let’s hope he deserved this, because it’s quite the revenge plan.
The Ex Who Proposed Three Times For The Fun Of It
“My ex proposed to me publicly, at a bar. He liked the way it went so well that he proposed to me two more times at two different bars in our hometown. In front of everyone we know. I said yes. Three times.
“It was getting really close to our date and he hadn’t done any of the things that he agreed to do. I finally confronted him about it, and he told me that he was not going to marry me and that he didn’t think that I was going to take his proposal so seriously.” —aubrey_25_99
He could’ve at least “just kidding” or something any time after the proposal…
The Ex Who Won’t Let Anyone Have You If They Can’t
“He started messaging all the new guys he thought I would maybe go out by asking them not to invite me out ’cause he felt he still had a chance with me’. This happened not once or twice, but with 10 guys. He didn’t even know them in person. I didn’t even know them!” —buenaonda1 / Reddit
Talk about being a little possessive. Can you imagine finally feeling ready to get back out there after a bad breakup and yet your ex still finds a way to ruin your life?
The Ex By Day And Stalker By Night
“He started stalking me and my new boyfriend. He would come to my work and bring me lunch. He called when I wasn’t at home and left me messages of stupid love songs. I had to through all these stupid messages just to get to the ones other people left for me.
“He also kept asking me to marry him. He never wanted to get married before and now it was all he ever talked about!” —anonymous / Quora
They do say that you never know how good something is until it’s gone. It sounds like he was a little too late.
The Ex Who Made Sure He Got Exactly Half Of Everything
“There is an old mansion in my city. While the wife was touring around Europe on an extended holiday, the courts awarded her half his property in a divorce. He had the front half of the house cut off, moved eight miles, and added to his new home.” —Jer_Cough / Reddit
Can you imagine being that level of petty? The court must have assumed they’d find a way to either both live there or buy the other person out.
The Ex Who Will Give You Endless Last Chances
“My phone rings ‘Hey just wanted to let you know that I’m getting married this afternoon and I’m pregnant so now is your last chance…’
“Two years later my phone rings again ‘Hey, I’m pregnant again and getting married again…this is your real last chance…'” —KylerTopFlight
This is a funny way to get updates on an ex’s status every once in a while, and a reminder that you made the right decision leaving them.
The Ex With A Secret Double Life
“Mine was (is) engaged and married. To two different people.” —Kaell311
I have so many questions. Was she meant to be the third wife? Did other wives know about each other? But most importantly, how does one even have time for three different relationships? One is barely manageable.
The Ex Who Was Jealous Of The Dog
“I suspected she was crazy long before I knew her, but I realized it when she asked me to euthanize my dog because ‘he was taking up too much of “our” time.'” —lazlounderhill
This is awful on so many levels. All dogs ever want is to be loved, so if a partner ever tries to make you pick, you always chose the dog.
The Ex Who Tried To Fake A Physically Impossible Pregnancy
“Tried the old fake pregnancy to keep me around. The only problem is that I’m the female. I’m not sure how he thought he could convince me that I was pregnant.” —olives_andsuch
Maybe they were so in sync that he was more in tune with her body than she even was. He even felt the kicks on her behalf.
The Ex Who’s Ready To Sue You For Breaking Up With Them
“Had an ex tell me that if I did not take her back she would sue me. Long story short I’m now a proud owner of a victory in court.” —SrCrossCountry
It’s unclear what grounds one would even have to sue an ex simply because they left. Can you imagine if on top of divorces, every time a couple went through a breakup, they also had to take it to court?
The Ex Who Uses Sims As Her Outlet
“She built us a family on her sims game, which I thought was a little creepy. So I told her. She murdered my character, which didn’t really make me feel any better about it.” —calvicstaff
No questions here about how she really felt about his request. She clearly had a whole life planned out for the two of them, all he to do was follow it.
The Ex Who Is Willing To Change
“A month after we had broken up, I started dating a new guy. My ex told me that he would cut his hair to look like the new guy’s, dress like the new guy, and act exactly like the new guy if I got back with him.” —aranjelais / Reddit
I don’t think this is what people mean when they tell their ex that they need to change their ways. They mean work on yourself, not become an entirely different person.
The Ex Who Is Just Really Lonely
“‘I know it’s been like a year, but I’ve asked out 4 other girls and they’ve all said no. So I thought I’d try again with you.'” —iwasbornon420 / Reddit
Although maybe the determination could be slightly admired, I don’t think telling a woman that she’s the fourth backup choice in the rotation is the way to her heart…
The “Ex” Who Fell A Little Too Hard Too Quickly
“He painted my name all over his bedroom, bathroom, and lounge room. He proposed and then photoshopped us into wedding pictures, sent invites to all his family, mine and my friends. Then he got an ultrasound photo online and tried to announce to Facebook that we were expecting a baby.
“All we did was go on half a double date with friends.”
If you ever feel bad about being single, thank your lucky stars you at least didn’t make that kind of impression on a date.
The Ex Who May Be A Vampire
“She tried to draw my blood out while I was asleep to put in a vial she wore around her neck.” —wrath212
I understand wanting a little souvenir from your significant other to walk around with, but if you’re going to take their blood, it’s probably a good idea to ask them what they think first.