Does Modest Clothing Mean You Value Yourself More? This Woman’s Boyfriend Seems To Think So

A 20-year-old woman recently shared on Reddit about a fight she and her boyfriend had over a bikini she wanted to wear on vacation. She explained that in his mind, modesty and dressing conservatively go hand in hand with how much he values a woman.

So, not only would her boyfriend not let her wear this new bikini, but he also got bothered with nearly everything that she wore, especially on nights out. And spoiler alert, once she was done explaining the story, Reddit roasted this guy.

People Should Wear What They Want—Male Or Female

glamorous woman with lots of shopping bags in her hand
Photo Credit: freestocks.org / Pexels
Photo Credit: freestocks.org / Pexels

Fashion double standards are everywhere. For example, it’s completely fine for an older man to wear a speedo at the pool, but some think it’s inappropriate for a young girl to wear a bikini?

It’s 2021, people. Let’s just let people wear what they want to wear without any discrimination (just don’t get the wrong idea and show up to work nude).

Let’s Talk About Modesty

two women on the beach
Photo Credit: Yaroslav Shuraev / Pexels
Photo Credit: Yaroslav Shuraev / Pexels

Modesty is a way to dress that avoids encouraging looking sexually attractive to others.

This guy, however, has taken his belief in modesty to a new level, with many calling out his sexist double standard and attempt to be controlling.

A Woman Bought A New Flattering Bathing Suit That She Loved

flower bikini on sales rack
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Pexels
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Pexels

The girlfriend starts off by explaining that she has been dating her boyfriend for five years, and they are both 20 now.

She explains: “I recently got new bikini bottoms that I believe are ‘Brazilian cut’ which means they show more. It’s not a thong and covers a lot still. I myself do not like exposing myself all that much but these new bottoms really make me feel good about how I look in the mirror!”

But Her Boyfriend Wasn’t A Fan

man and woman standing outside arguing
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels

She says that her boyfriend genuinely thinks that the more you cover up, the more you value yourself.

He hates when people look at her, but at the same time, this man will mow the lawn shirtless, wear short shorts, and even pull his swim trunks up to tan at the pool. Double standard, much?

She Doesn’t Know How To Fix The Situation

cutout paper question marks surround notebook
Photo Credit: Olya Kobruseva / Pexels
Photo Credit: Olya Kobruseva / Pexels

The post continues: “I don’t know how else to explain this to him. I have told him that if he doesn’t like my bikini bottoms, that he doesn’t have to wear them.”

“I don’t care what other people think. They’re going to look at me no matter what I’m wearing.”

“I Care More About How I Feel Than How I Am Perceived”

woman's shopping bags by her feet
Photo Credit: Porapak Apichodilok / Pexels
Photo Credit: Porapak Apichodilok / Pexels

She explains that because of her body type, it’s not always easy to find tops that fit. She often finds that she is showing off her boobs without really wanting to.

“I look at the suit and think ‘I like this style,’ ‘I like how this fits,’ or ‘I like the way this makes me feel.'”

And She’s Tired Of Her Boyfriend’s Behavior

arguing couple, man is pulling on woman's arm as she turns away
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels

She explains that she is tired of being seen by her own boyfriend as somebody who doesn’t “value” themselves, all because she doesn’t wear the most modest things out there.

Because “most of the time I’m in a baggy t-shirt, but god forbid I swim.”

He Doesn’t Want Her Wearing The Suit In Front Of His Brother

man sitting at kitchen table with his head in his hands
Photo Credit: Andrew Neel / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrew Neel / Pexels

She ends the post by explaining that the two are going on vacation with her boyfriend’s older brother. Ever since she got the new suit, her boyfriend has asked her repeatedly if she is going to wear the bathing suit “in front of him.”

She has responded with: “if you need me to cover up myself to make you comfortable with me hanging out with your brother, that reflects more on him than it does on me.” Preach, girl!

A Quick Summary

man smoking by the kitchen door while woman sits at the kitchen table
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels

To sum up the situation: This man seems to think that modesty goes hand in hand with self-respect and valuing yourself as a woman. This, whether he sees it or not, comes across as controlling and sexist.

After scrolling through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that nobody was in support of the boyfriend. Let’s read a couple that stood out.

“He Doesn’t Value Women Who Don’t Cover Up”

Reddit comment:
Photo Credit: MuppetManiac / Reddit
Photo Credit: MuppetManiac / Reddit

This commenter explained that by forcing her to cover up (even around his brother), it shows the amount of respect he has for a woman relies on the amount of clothing she wears.

And even though the young woman explained in the comments that she doesn’t change for his satisfaction, who actually wants to be with someone like this?

Lots Of People Recommended She Dump Him

Reddit comment:
Photo Credit: Escarlatilla / Reddit
Photo Credit: Escarlatilla / Reddit

Lots of people in the comment urged her to consider ending the relationship, calling his opinion sexist.

So, he’s allowed to mow the lawn shirtless and hike up his swim trunks, but his girlfriend isn’t allowed to wear a bikini to go swimming?

He Needs To Show Some Respect

Reddit comment:
Photo Credit: NotAlana / Reddit
Photo Credit: NotAlana / Reddit

Many people glossed over the fact that both people in this relationship are only 20 years old. And your 20s are a time of personal growth and maturity.

This commenter pointed that out right away and explained that it may be best for her to consider taking a break from the relationship.

Some Called It Controlling

Reddit comment:
Photo Credit: MatildaJeanMay / Reddit
Photo Credit: MatildaJeanMay / Reddit

People who had been in controlling relationships before thought that this whole situation was a red flag of a toxic, controlling boyfriend.

Because at the end of the day, if you break it down, the boyfriend is literally trying to stop her from swimming comfortably. She’s her own person, and he is trying to control how she looks.

Others Shared Their Experiences

Reddit comment:
Photo Credit: quartzm / Reddit
Photo Credit: quartzm / Reddit

Like the comment above, a couple of users explained how their relationships work when it comes to opinions on what clothing they wear.

This woman explains that because she and her boyfriend both love and trust one another, it doesn’t matter what they wear.