Are You Ready To Take Your Relationship To The Next Step? Ask Yourself These Questions
We live in a hookup culture, and that can make it hard to know when you should take your relationship with someone to the next level. There are no right or wrong answers because everyone is different and so are their needs, but there are a few questions you can ask to check in with where you're at.
Can You And Your Partner Talk About It?
If you and the person you're seeing can discuss sex maturely, then it's a pretty good indication that you will be able to talk about your sexual relationship in a way that will be productive.
Unless you're into a guy who snickers when they hear the word boner, then that's fine, too.
You've Discussed Your Sexual History
You don't need to go through the detailed play by plays or share your number, but it is important to know the kinds of relationships your partner has had in the past. Is there anything they're still healing from? Anything they know for certain they don't want with someone new?
You've Done Other Stuff
It's a good idea to spend some time doing the other stuff with a person before going all the way. Do things like cuddle, kiss, and maybe some more serious making out to get a feel for the chemistry that's there.
You Know The Relationship Is Where You Want It To Be
Before having sex with your new partner, you have to check-in and make sure you're on the same page. Do you both want this to be something serious? Or is it just a casual hook up?
You Genuinely Enjoy Spending Time Together
Chances are that if you like the person in ways that don't have anything to do with how they look, then you're in a good place to start discussing the next steps, especially if you're looking for a relationship.
You Can Feel Comfortable In Awkwardness
Let's be honest, sex can be kind of gross. So it's important to make sure that you can feel comfortable being awkward and weird around this person because someone is going to make a weird noise or a face that is less than flattering.
You Give Each Other Real Compliments
When you compliment one another or list the reasons you're into each other, it has more layers to it. Even when they do complement your looks, they do it in a way that is cute and flattering, and not like a boy trying to pick you up in a bar.
You Know There Will Be Feelings Attached To It
You have to be comfortable with the fact that having sex with someone probably means you'll end up attached to them in some way. That's just biological. This comes back to making sure you're both on the same page with what you want.
You Have Realistic Expectations
Even though things will be exciting, they're not going to go perfectly the first time you do it. They probably won't the first few times you do. So remember not to get too discouraged if there aren't the intense fireworks you expected right away.
You've Talked About Safety
This is an important one. Have you talked about what your STI status is? What are you going to use for protection? If you're in a heterosexual relationship, what will you do if she gets pregnant?
You Can Picture The Morning After
It's easy to get carried away when you're imagining what things are going to be like at the moment. But, ask yourself, can you see them being there in the morning? Or, getting dressed for post "workout" snacks?
You Know You Both Want It
You both have to want it for the right reasons. If one of you wants to go all the way more than the other, it probably isn't a good idea. Sleeping with someone isn't going to speed up your relationship so it's best to wait if one of you isn't sure.
Your Heart, Head, And Body Are All Saying The Same Thing
Check with your gut! This one is a big one. You will know deep down if you're ready to do this. Spend some time thinking about it, close your eyes, take your deep breathes and talk it out with your inner self.
Ask Yourself If You Feel Confident
No one feels confident all of the time, but does the person you're with make you feel like you can be the best version of yourself dressed and undressed? Remember that confidence comes down to you in the end, but other people do play a part.
Ask Yourself If Either Of You Are Compromising Anything
Are either of you compromising on any values or morals that you had before going into the relationship? If so, are you making these changes for the right reasons and not just to appease the other person?
You Know You're Not Giving Into Pressure
Make sure that what is happening is because you want it to and not because you feel pressure from your partner or peers. Everyone is different and so that means that what is normal for them might not be normal for you.
Your Friends Approve Of Them
While it is ultimately your own decision, check in with your friends. If they've had the chance to meet your new boo they might see something that you don't because you're too wrapped up in your feelings.
You've Talked About What You're Into
Even though sex isn't going to be perfect the first few times, it's important to have an ongoing conversation about the things that you're into. That way, when it comes down to it, there are no surprises.
You Feel Like You Could Say "No" If You Needed To
It's super important to know that you're with someone who will respect your right to say no if you change your mind, which you totally can at any time. You might get cold feet, or find out at the moment that it doesn't feel right.
You Trust And Respect One Another
What it comes down to is: do you trust one another and will you be respectful of each other's wants and needs? With those two basic foundations, the rest should come fairly easily, even if it takes a couple of conversations.
