Stop Taking This Online Dating Advice
The internet is full of terrible dating advice. Some of it is old-fashioned, some of it only works on a case by case basis, some of it is restrictive, and some of it is just straight-up toxic.
If you've come across any of the following pieces of dating advice, think twice before you take it.
"Look Up Your Date Online First"
There are a lot of ways this is justified, especially if you're going on a blind date. You don't need to know their whole life story to make sure they're not a serial killer, and chances are they don't have their crimes listed on their Instagram. Get to know them and learn to trust them yourself.
"Let Them Make The First Move"
Why does it matter who makes the first move? The risk of rejection is 50/50 on both sides, whether you go first or not. It's just as nerve-wracking for both parties. If the moment is right, just go for it, and if it doesn't go well, then at least you get to find out where they stand.
"Avoid Serious Questions Too Early"
How are you going to form a bond and really connect with someone if all you talk about in the beginning is the weather and what you had for dinner? Allow yourself to get vulnerable and you'll be surprised how quickly and deeply you'll feel a connection with someone.
"Don't Talk About Your Exes"
We're not saying you should constantly bring up your ex and compare everything to them. But it's important to acknowledge that your exes are a part of your journey and who you are.
Talking about them might help the other person understand your needs and behavior in a relationship.
"If They Can't Handle You At Your Worst, They Don't Deserve You At Your Best"
This is so easily used as an excuse to cover up and rationalize your own bad behavior. Yes, relationships aren't all about fun, and you will both have your downs and need to be there for each other.
However, you also need to take accountability for when you are at your "worst" and make sure that you're still reasonable.
"Play Hard To Get To Keep Them Wanting More"
Here's the thing: with so many dating apps and such out there now, playing hard to get will only hurt you. They'll either take you at your word and assume you're not that into it, or they'll give up on pursuing you in favor of someone who showing more reciprocity.
"Keep Them Guessing"
Okay, a little bit of mystery is definitely exciting and adds to the thrill of the beginning of a relationship. But if you're going out of your way to be mysterious because you don't want to seem available, they won't be able to tell you're interested anymore. Stop playing games and just tell them how you really feel.
"Don't Ever Go To Bed Angry"
Communication is important in the resolution of an argument. However, it's quite hard to achieve it in the heat of the moment, when your thoughts are clouded by your feelings.
Sometimes, sleeping on it and getting some space really is what you need. It clears your head, as things don't seem as bad in the morning and you're actually able to talk it out.
"If He's A Real Gentleman, He Has To Pay For The First Date"
Someone remind me what year we live in again? There shouldn't be an expectation for the man to always have to pay on the first date, or any date. It can get unfairly expensive. Offering to split it or taking turns on dates is a much more balanced and fair approach.
"It Will Happen When You Least Expect It"
No, if you stay home in bed every day, love won't magically come knocking at your door. This saying takes away your autonomy and replaces it with a sense of powerlessness.
There are definitely steps that you are in complete control of taking to enhance your odds, put yourself out there, and meet new people.
"You'll Know Right Away When You Meet The Right Person"
If only this were true...it would have saved us a lot of heartbreak. There is no way to know from the get-go if a person is your soulmate. It's all about trial and error and the clarity you will receive the more that you get to know them.
"Opposites Attract"
Opposites might seem exciting at first, as they can be people who get us out of our comfort zone. However, studies show that "birds of a feather flock together" is more true. Opposites can lead to friction in the long term due to irritation and misunderstanding.
"Everyone Deserves A Second Chance"
Well, some people do, sure. That doesn't mean that this should be a rule for everyone. A second chance should really be a personal decision and not feel like it's because you have to or because it's "the right thing to do."
Think of whether this person truly deserves it, how much they hurt you, and how likely they are to repeat their mistake.
"They're Probably Just Not Talking To You 'Cause They're Scared"
This advice is commonly given by friends or family to rationalize why someone who seemingly liked you isn't showing you attention anymore.
The fact is, you should let their actions speak for themselves. If they really care about you or want to speak to you, they will, and if they don't, then chances are they just aren't that interested.
"Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket"
This is where fear of commitment stems from. Many people are so afraid of committing themselves to one person, either in fear of getting hurt or in case something better is out there. However, you can't truly give someone a fair shot by always having a couple of people on the go.
"Happy Wife, Happy Life"
This old saying can ring true to a certain degree: of course a wife who's happy in a marriage will enhance the marriage. Yet it also puts a lot of pressure on the husband to always do what the wife says and always come second to that. A healthy relationship should really be about meeting the needs and desires of both parties in a balanced way.
"Love Hurts"
Love does hurt, but it doesn't mean it should hurt always and all the time. Real, healthy love should feel empowering, exciting, and make you feel better...with the occasional moments of hurt. If the hurt is outweighing the rest, then it's not really love, is it?
"Healthy Relationships Should Be Easy"
Just like love shouldn't hurt all the time, there shouldn't be an expectation for a relationship to be smooth sailing all the time, either. There is a middle ground between the two. So if you're avoiding all your issues so that you never have to fight or deal with confrontation, that's not healthy either.
How you deal with the issues that will unavoidably happen is what makes the difference.
"You Can Do Better"
The reason this isn't considered good advice is that if you really like someone and get told this by friends or family, you're likely to feel sad and unsupported.
It should be okay for you to make your own mistakes and find out for yourself, and unless they are actually treating you badly, you can like him for whatever reasons you see fit.
Here's The Only Advice You Do Need: Just Be Yourself
At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what advice you follow. Some people will like you, and some won't. What's important is that you be yourself, and whether that comes on too strong or too distant, the right person will be able to see your charm through it.
