Breakup texts can suck real bad, and breaking up with someone face-to-face is considered the gold standard of breakups.
Face-to-face is usually the decent thing to do, especially if you've been dating for a few months — but is it really the best way? As much as you might hate to admit it, there are actually some pretty big advantages to ending things via text.
We All Know Breakups Suck
A world without breakups sounds amazing, but sadly (and sometimes not sadly), everything comes to an end.
Breakups are never fun, and being dumped by text can feel like a MASSIVE "f-you."
When Text Breakups Are Acceptable
It has to be said that there actually may be a time and place for text breakups.
Hey, at least your ex can't see your ugly cry when you realize that you've been dumped.
Nobody Is Saying That Breakup Texts Are Always Okay
It feels like your partner is taking the coward's way out, and it leaves you with basically no sense of closure.
If you have a lot of love and respect towards your partner, or if you have been dating for a LONG time, it's best to tell them in person. Truth is, there are other situations where it can feel like the only option.
Being Dumped Over Text Is Better Than Just Being Ghosted
Even though it's not really acceptable to break up with someone over text unless it is your only option, it's still really common.
Over text, being the dumpee sucks, but at least it's better than being full-on GHOSTED. Being ghosted leaves you with lots of questions and self-doubt.
Toxic Relationships & Anxiety
Sex Educator Bianca Laureano, says "I think it depends on the relationship and what's going on. If someone is in a violent or abusive relationship, for example, that’s a valid reason to break up over text."
"Or, if someone has an anxiety disorder and the thought of breaking up in person seems impossible to them, that’s also a fair excuse."
Codependent Relationships - You're Forced To Move On
Codependent relationships are relationships where one or both partners relies totally on the other for emotional or physical support.
A lot of the time, it can be easy to persuade yourself or be persuaded by your partner to stay in an unhealthy situation. In these situations, a text dump may be better because it allows less room for conversation.
Why Do People Choose To Breakup Over Text When It's Not The Only Option?
Given the impersonal nature of dating today, it's very unlikely breaking up over text will result in any social consequences.
So, people go with their impulse to take the easy way out. It's a lot less confrontational than telling someone face-to-face that things aren't working out.
The Ideal Breakup Text
Discretion is key for breakup texts. The message should be as brief and candid as possible. Avoid using metaphor breakup lines or other forms of figurative language that could be open to interpretation.
Also, avoid long details on why you're breaking up with your partner as they probably know why the relationship isn't working.
Some Sample Texts
if you feel like it's the best or only way out, there are some ways to kindly break up with someone over text.
Therefore, it is important to convey your message in the kindest way possible. Crafting your text in a mature and thoughtful manner will arguably make moving on easy for the other person.
If You've Only Gone On A Few Dates
Breaking up with someone who you barely know can for some reason be nerve-wracking because you don't know where it could take you, but that spark just isn't there.
Sample: "Hi, hope you're good. I really enjoyed getting to know you but if I'm honest, I'm not feeling a real connection between us. It was lovely meeting you."
If You Just Want To Be Friends
If you want to be friends with someone after a breakup, it's a good option to call them or see them in person, but below is an example.
Sample: "I wanted to say that I really have enjoyed chatting with you and spending time with you. I would love to see you again, but for me, it would be as friends."
Short And Sweet
This is potentially a good option for someone who is in a co-dependent relationship because it doesn't really leave much room for discussion.
Sample: "I feel we aren't compatible and this relationship isn't working for me. In order to get clarity on this situation and heal myself, I've decided that I can’t be with you any longer. So I'd like to end all further communication and wish you the best in the future."
After A First Date
We've all been on a date where we just KNOW things won't work out. Instead of ghosting them or dragging them along, it can be best to send a breakup text.
Sample: "Hey (name) thanks for meeting me yesterday. I'm pretty sure you feel the same, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Always awkward to be the first to say, but didn't want to be one of those [ghosts]. I wish you the best."
A Consequence Of Always Sending Breakup Texts
If sending breakup texts becomes a habit, the person doing the dumping is never going to see the impact of their actions.
They won't get to witness their ex visually going through shock, sadness, or anger. This can increase the likelihood of being impulsive, hurtful, or dismissive in the future.
You May Have To Discuss Things After
A breakup text can help you communicate your exact thoughts into words, but don't expect it to be one and done.
Even if you're breaking up with them over text, you will likely have to have a back and forth conversation about why you want to break up. Discussing ways to fix the relationship is also not automatically off the table.
How To Deal If You Get Dumped Over Text
That being said, if you're blindsided by a breakup text, you'll likely be hit with a ton of emotions. It's okay to be angry, especially if you thought things were going well.
Experts recommend deleting breakup texts so you don't read them over and over again. Try to find comfort in the fact that this happens a lot, and you're not the only one.
Some Positives Of Beng Broken Up With Over Text
At least you have time to think about your response. In-person, it can be hard to translate your thoughts into words on the spot.
You can also arguably be more honest, as you're behind a screen.
The Closure Argument
Sometimes having to sit in person with your partner and hash things out gives you closure.
Other times, it's a guaranteed way to make you feel more confused than ever. At least with a breakup text, one person is set in their ways.
Try Not To Do It
Overall, text breakups don't feel good. Unless you're in a toxic situation, it can be best to just give the person a phone call.
However, if you feel uncomfortable even doing that, a breakup text is a good way out. Just know that even though you don't have to directly face them, there will be consequences.
What Do You Think?
There are TONS of different opinions out there on breakup texts, some bad, some good. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
But, it must be said again that breaking up in person is usually the best way to go to honor both parties. What is your opinion on breaking up with someone over text?