As much as we would all like to live our lives never assuming any responsibility for the consequences of our actions, that’s just not realistic.
You may have had a string of bad relationships or terrible dates, but there comes a point when you have to look at the common denominator. Are all men trash, or is the reason that you’ve found no luck in love actually because you’re sabotaging yourself?
You Want It Too Much
Despite what you might have told yourself, it is absolutely possible to want something too much. Love seems to be one of those things that the more you want it or the more desperate you become for a relationship, the less likely it is that you’re going to find it.
As much as you’re tired of being single, the people who are desperate for love are often the people who most need the time alone. You’ve got to focus on yourself and be able to be by yourself before you bring someone else into the picture.
You’re Staying In A Relationship You Know Isn’t Working
It’s hard to know when to give up on a relationship or when to fight for it. If you’ve been with someone for a long time and it’s not working, you feel like you’ve committed so much time to it that you need to make it work.
That’s the wrong answer, though! If you know that something genuinely isn’t working for you, it doesn’t do you any good to stay with someone that doesn’t give you what you need. Not every person in your life deserves a second (or third, or fourth) chance. You have to be able to make that tough decision in order to give yourself a chance.
You’re Too Forgiving Of Your Partner
Just because you love someone does not mean that you’re required to forgive all their bad behavior. The idea that you have to have unconditional love for someone, that they can’t possibly do anything that’s too bad? It’s not a motto to live by.
If you’re willing to forgive anything that your partner does, they’re going to continue to push those boundaries, knowing that you won’t push back on them. Having boundaries is healthy, and you have to be able to stick to them, to enforce them. You need to know when to say enough is enough and be able to recognize when someone has done something that you’re not okay with.
You Have No Confidence In Yourself
If you aren’t even able to spend some alone time with yourself, why is anyone else going to want to be with you? You have to be confident in yourself and in what you bring to a relationship.
Insecurity is not going to help you find a person that will make you happy. They can’t take away your insecurity; you’ll just end up developing new ones or projecting those insecurities onto the other person.
You’re Not Actually Putting Yourself Out There
Literally every person who has been single for an extended period of time has been told by a friend or by their mother that they just need to put themselves out there in order to find love.
Unfortunately for you, that’s probably true. And more importantly, you’re probably not actually doing it, even if you think you are. Simply having a dating app on your phone that you casually swipe through once a week but never actually initiate a conversation on is not the equivalent of putting yourself out there. Looking at your local cute barista for more than one second of eye contact when he hands you your coffee also does not count, FYI.
You Ignore The Signs That Other People Give You
Maybe the reason that you’re not able to find love is that you refuse to believe that anyone could actually be interested in you. Because of that belief, because of your own insecurity, you aren’t able to see the signs that people are giving you.
You could be missing out on the fact that the guy at the bar was interested in you, not your friend, or the fact that your really close friend is dropping major hints because you just don’t think it’s possible.
You’re Still Keeping Your Options Open While In A Relationship
It’s perfectly normal that while you’re in a relationship, you’re still going to notice that another person is attractive. You’re dating someone, you’re not blind.
The issue is when you’re not willing to fully commit yourself to the relationship you’re already in. You’re worried about what could still be out there or you’re not ready to fully commit yourself to another person, so you let your eyes wander. This “the grass is always greener” mentality is what’s going to stop you from being able to fully explore a relationship and actually see if your current relationship is what you need.