Signs You’re In Love With The Idea Of A Person And Not Them

It’s easy to get so caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new that you end up envisioning what the future could hold for you two without actually getting to know if they’re the right fit.

Take a step back and ask yourself, do you actually like them or even know them? Or is it just easier caving to the idea of them?

You Feel More Into Them When You’re Apart

woman sitting on chair in living room looks ut the window
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

When you’re not together, you miss them badly. You spend hours daydreaming of what your next date will be like, then the next hundred. Yet, when you’re finally with them, you come home feeling really underwhelmed.

You Picture A Future Where They’ve Changed

a man and woman share an umbrella romantically
Photo Credit: Joel Overbeck / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Joel Overbeck / Unsplash

You like them now, but you definitely think you’d like them better if they could just save up a little more money, make fewer jokes, and turn vegan. Only then can you really start your lives together.

You Have Idealized Expectations

writing a checklist in a notebook
Photo Credit: Glenn Carstens / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Glenn Carstens / Unsplash

You have seen so many 2000s rom-coms that you can’t seem to understand why real-life relationships don’t turn out the same. You still wait and hope for your big movie moment where they fight for you against all odds.

You’re Still Waiting For A Grand Romantic Gesture

man proposes to woman in the sunset
Photo Credit: Ani Kolleshi / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Ani Kolleshi / Unsplash

Instead of being content just chilling at home for a date night, you’d much rather they take you out for a three-course dinner, greet you with flowers, and cry every time they apologize to you. Love should be in the little things, not the gigantic gestures.

You Prefer Group Dates To Being One On One

Group of friends sit in scenic spot
Photo Credit: Arthur Poulin / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Arthur Poulin / Unsplash

Group dates seem much more exciting to you because you’re alone with them at home anyway. You want to show them off so everyone can see how lucky and in love you guys are instead of using that time to bond closer together.

You’re Stuck Reminiscing About The Good Old Days

man and woman embrace each-other in a shadow
Photo Credit: Morteza Yousefi / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Morteza Yousefi / Unsplash

Everything seemed so perfect in the beginning, but the butterflies don’t last. Once the excitement of a new relationship goes, it’s replaced with feelings of attachment and can still feel just as intense.

If it’s not and you’re just always waiting for things to go back to the way things are, you might just be holding on to an idea.

You Think A Relationship Is What Will Finally Make You Happy

man and woman stand beside each other and the woman holds his arm
Photo Credit: Heather Mount / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Heather Mount / Unsplash

If you don’t feel happy prior to a relationship, you’re likely not to be happy during it. A relationship isn’t meant to fix you, and it will often fail if you are trying to fill a void. The best person to make you happy is you.

You Don’t Like To Take It Slow

Woman holds a man's face as she kisses him
Photo Credit: Cassie Lopez / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Cassie Lopez / Unsplash

You fall fast and you fall hard. The more you think about it, you can’t remember the last time there wasn’t at least one person that you had a crush on. The problem is that you don’t actually get to know them when you move that quick.

You get so caught up in the physical and in the idea of them that once you do get to know them, you realize you might not even like them.

Their Reactions Keep Surprising You

Man pushes against his forehead in stress
Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao / Unsplash

There seems to always be a disconnect between how you imagined them and how they end up reacting in certain situations. The result is that you feel disappointed both in yourself and in them for not matching up to the version of them that lives in your head.

Your Hangouts Keep Turning Into Arguments

man and woman sit in robes looking mad at each other
Photo Credit: Damir Spanic / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Damir Spanic / Unsplash

You can’t help but nag each other about something every single time you meet. Half the time, you don’t understand how the argument started or what it’s about, but you’re both just frustrated with each other for not fitting into each other’s ideals.

You’re Living In The Future Instead Of In The Now

woman points at location on map with passport, sunglasses, camera and coffee surrounding it
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash

All you want to talk about is the next step, you want to keep moving forward so you can move in together, get married, etc. As if it’s a checklist you’re trying to cross items off of without actually looking around to see if you’re happy and making the most of the present moment.

You Love To Share Your Entire Relationship On Social Media

Woman scrolls through Instagram
Photo Credit: Kate Torline / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Kate Torline / Unsplash

You care more about how you present your relationship than about working on the issues that are happening behind closed doors. If you can convince everyone else that you’re the perfect couple, then maybe you’ll actually become it?

You Ignore All Their Red Flags

Red flag standing on the beach
Photo Credit Carolina Daltoa / Unsplash
Photo Credit Carolina Daltoa / Unsplash

You keep trying to paint them in your mind as not having flaws. Every time they exhibit any red flags, you find a way to justify it with excuses like they’re only bailing on you all the time because they work so hard, or they only yell at you because they care.

You just want the relationship to work out even if at the cost of it not being with the right person.

You Expect Them To Put In All The Effort

man climbs tree to reach his woman
Photo Credit: Tiraya Adam / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Tiraya Adam / Unsplash

Relationships are about balance, so it is likely to tip over negatively if you keep expecting them to fit the mold you’ve created in your mind rather than meet them in the middle according to the kind of person they already are.

You Tend To Feel Unloved

woman lays sideways in bed sad
Photo Credit: Yuris Alhumaydy / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Yuris Alhumaydy / Unsplash

You’ve always kind of struggled with self-esteem and feeling like those around you didn’t appreciate you or love you in the way you wanted or needed. You hope that you’ll finally meet the person who makes up for those feelings and loves you unconditionally. The only problem is that love has to start from within yourself.

You Like To Be Needed

woman sits on countertop as man cuts some bread in the kitchen
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash

It gives you purpose and motivation to tend to someone and feel like some part of them needs you, if not depends on you for comfort, love, or even simple chores like cleaning or cooking.

You hope somehow they reward you with their love. Be careful as this might be another way you’re trying to fill a void rather than working on being your best self to meet your best match.

Your Values And Goals Don’t Align

woman practices meditation while facing the sunrise
Photo Credit: Jared Rice
Photo Credit: Jared Rice

You want kids one day and they don’t, and you want to raise them Catholic but they’re not religious in the slightest. These factors might not cause any issues right now, but they have to be considered when you choose whether or not to pursue a relationship with that person. Those fundamental values are not likely to change for you.

They’ve Told You They’re Not Ready To Commit

man holds woman tightly between his legs while laying in bed
Photo Credit: Claudia Van / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Claudia Van / Unsplash

They said they just want to keep it casual and you’ve agreed. This means you can’t try to change their mind on the daily or hope that once they see how great you are, they’ll fall so madly in love with you they won’t be able to resist.

Accept that kind of relationship for what it is rather than idealizing what it could be, or move on from them so you can find what you’re looking for.

You Change Yourself For Them

woman sits crossed legged in fancy dress and stares at herself in mirror
Photo Credit: Yulia Pantiukhina / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Yulia Pantiukhina / Unsplash

You think maybe if you just dress a little differently or move for them that they might finally compromise for you too, and you’ll have the perfect relationship.

The moral of the story is that if they’re not meeting your standards and your ideals in the present moment, it’s better to assume that’s not going to change than live in hope that it does.

Deep Down, You Know There’s A Better Fit, But You’re Scared

woman rests her head on man who is facing the other way
Photo Credit: Milan Popovic / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Milan Popovic / Unsplash

Sometimes you idealize someone and your relationship simply because it’s easier to do so and hope that it changes and gets better than to risk letting them go and starting over again from scratch. However, is it worth settling for someone when your perfect match is out there walking the streets?