Signs You Shouldn’t Marry Them Even If You’ve Dated Forever

Just because you’ve invested your time and energy into a person and a relationship for a long time doesn’t mean that you should hold on to it forever. Sometimes a relationship is just meant to teach you the lessons you need for your forever person. Here are some of the ways to tell the difference.

You Keep “Almost” Breaking Up

woman holds her legs as she sits by window
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

If you’ve gotten to the verge of breaking up several times, then clearly, one of you feels like they’ve reached a point of giving up due to frustration, hurt, or the inability to reach a resolution on certain problems. This also applies if you’ve taken multiple breaks but keep coming back because it’s comfortable.

Those issues won’t go away just because you’re married, and once you’re legally bound, it’ll be a lot harder to walk away.

Only One Of You Compromises

man cooks while woman watches
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash

If one of you has commitment or control issues, that person is likely to try to hold onto the power dynamic of the relationship. Often, this unbalances the relationship and it ends up revolving around them.

One person makes all the sacrifices while the other person keeps expecting it until resentment grows.

Your Finances Don’t Complement Each Other

money tree growing out of pennies
Photo Credit: Micheile Henderson / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Micheile Henderson / Unsplash

Often, when you’re young and in love, you don’t pay too much attention to money and assume you’ll figure it out. However, those habits often dictate how the finances will play out years later, and when you’re older and have more responsibilities, it can become a problem if you’re not both on the same page and contributing equally.

You Have Some Different Beliefs Or Values

woman sits cross legged in forest to meditate
Photo Credit: Omid Armin / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Omid Armin / Unsplash

If you have fundamental differences in your morals, beliefs, and ideas that don’t seem like a big deal now, anticipate that they may come into play later.

For example, if you come from a different faith or only one of you wants kids, these issues could later be your downfall.

The Idea Of Planning A Wedding Gives You Anxiety

Photo Credit: Micheile Henderson / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Micheile Henderson / Unsplash

Wedding planning should be a little stressful but still enjoyable and exciting. Unless the reason is rooted in the fact that you never liked weddings in the first place, it’s definitely a red flag if every time the thought of planning your wedding with your partner comes up, you want to run for the hills.

You Dream About Living In Different Places

pastel beach homes right on the shore
Photo Credit: Sandra Seitamaa / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sandra Seitamaa / Unsplash

Once you’re married, your lives become even more intertwined. If one of you moves countries, as their spouse they are usually legally entitled to bring you. This seems great unless you both hope to live in completely different places or have conflicting opportunities that require relocating.

You Feel Like It’s The “Right” Thing To Do

wedding bands on top of dictionary definition of
Photo Credit: Sandy Millar / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sandy Millar / Unsplash

You shouldn’t get married to someone because it’s the logical next step, or your parents expect it, or they keep nagging you about it even though you’re not ready. This is a decision that you need to be 100% certain of.

You Dread Starting Over

sad woman covers up her face in bed in despair
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

Fear should not be your driving motivator for marriage. You shouldn’t agree to a lifetime with someone just because it’s comfortable, guaranteed, a safer option, or because having to start back at square one seems terrifying or like too much work. One day, you’ll wish you had taken that chance.

You Don’t Feel Your Best Around Them

woman looks in the mirror as she puts her hair in a ponytail
Photo Credit: Ladislav Bona / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Ladislav Bona / Unsplash

Ask yourself if after you spend time with your partner, you feel full of life and optimistic, or in a bad mood and diminished. A relationship is hard work, but it shouldn’t all be work to the point of leaving you completely drained.

You Don’t Want Have Wasted All That Time

woman puts her head on a man's shoulder affectionately
Photo Credit: Edward Cisneros / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Edward Cisneros / Unsplash

You don’t want the past couple of years of your life to feel like a waste of time and failure. You met each other while you were young and maybe it feels like you’ve grown apart rather than together, but you hope that one day one of you will change.

It’s safer to assume that they were only meant to help your growth and teach you valuable lessons than to be your forever person.

One Of You Still Harbors Trust Issues

Woman Rests Head on Man's shoulder who is facing away from her
Photo Credit: Milan Popovic / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Milan Popovic / Unsplash

Trust issues either stem from past trauma or are due to a breach of trust in the relationship. Either way, unless you get over them, they will keep coming back to haunt the relationship with unnecessary arguments, feelings of anxiety, frustration, and ultimately, the failure of the relationship.

You Feel Like You Still Want To Explore

person in hat points at location on map
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Element 5 Digital / Unsplash

You can love your partner and still feel like you can’t shake off the feeling that you’re missing out on someone or something. You shouldn’t dismiss your feelings just to say “I do.”

Sometimes, these feelings are worth exploring so that if, in the end, you still choose your partner, you no longer spend the rest of your life wondering “what if?”

You’ve Lost Part Of Yourself In The Relationship

woman with face hidden leans against the wall looking down
Photo Credit: Eric Ward / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Eric Ward / Unsplash

Often, you don’t realize how much of yourself you’ve lost to a relationship due to the sacrifices you’ve made, the compromises, and the expectations until it’s too late. Once you’re at that point, you might need time alone to find yourself before you can commit to a lifetime.

The Same Argument Keeps Coming Up

man holds the phone head to yell into it
Photo Credit: Icons 8 Team / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Icons 8 Team / Unsplash

If you keep arguing about the same thing, then either you’ve never actually tackled the root of the problem, or you’re not accepting that it’s unresolvable. Once that happens with one issue, it’s safe to assume that the same thing will happen with other issues.

You Think Marriage Will Solve The Rest Of Your Issues

groom holds his bride in front of him as she shows off her bouquet
Photo Credit: Olivia Bauso / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Olivia Bauso / Unsplash

You think that once you put the word “marriage” into it, that will push them to put in more effort, commit more, try harder, or change.

In reality, you’re still in the exact same relationship, with the exact same set of issues, but you refer to them as your spouse, and breaking up is harder.

They Don’t Show Interest In Your Goals

mug of coffee sits on top of goals daily calendar
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash

Through marriage, you agree to take on each other’s lives forever. That means going through the ups and downs together, supporting each other through decisions, and helping each other achieve your goals.

To do that, you need to have a pretty good idea of what the other’s person’s vision of the future looks like and make sure it fits in with yours.

Your Friends And Family Object

best friends laying side by side hide each other's eyes
Photo Credit: Sam Manns / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sam Manns / Unsplash

It’s a lot harder to see the relationship’s flaws when you’re in it and in love. Your family and friends aren’t in love with your partner, so they can see their faults more clearly.

That doesn’t mean you should solely rely on their opinions, but you should definitely wonder why they don’t support your relationship.

You Still Feel Lonely Sometimes

man looks out the window pane
Photo Credit: Freddie Marriage / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Freddie Marriage / Unsplash

According to a relationship specialist, your impending marriage is doomed if you experience feelings of loneliness.

If you’re feeling lonely even though you’re spending all your time with someone and you still can’t get shake that feeling, then maybe it’s better to be alone.

You Figure Everyone Else Is Doing It, So You Should Too

guests raise a glass at wedding reception
Photo Credit: Alasdair Elmes / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Alasdair Elmes / Unsplash

Once all your friends start to get married, you start to feel pressured that you should probably get to it too, that you’re running behind, or that they seem so much happier and have their lives together more.

However, if you rush just to match them, you might not experience such a happy ending.

You Need To Convince Yourself You’re In love With Them

woman tightly hugs a man in the snow
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash

Once you’ve been together with someone for long enough, you might start to forget why you fell in love with them in the first place.

Those romantic feelings have been replaced with comfort, and even though you might still love them as a person, you might have just fallen out of love with them, and that’s okay!