Signs They’re A Master Manipulator Masquerading As ‘Sensitive’
You thought it was really cute how they couldn't help but cry when the dog came on in that movie and how they're so willing to talk about their feelings with you. Then, all of a sudden, you realize they're actually just never happy, and somehow it's all your fault?
Your sensitive partner might actually just be an emotional manipulator.
They Have A Way Of Making You Feel Guilty
No one is in the wrong all the time, yet somehow you feel like you are. Even when you try to do something nice for them like surprising them with coffee at work, you're left feeling guilty for not putting enough sugar in.
This is a way of deflecting so that it looks like they can do no wrong, while you feel like you constantly need to be making up for it.
They've Never Heard Of Compromise
They make it seem like you're working on a compromise. You bounce off ideas, you try to present yours, then somehow they talk you into doing exactly what they wanted.
They have such a way with words that they're able to convince you that this is what you wanted too all along, but was it really?
When They Do "Compromise," They Make Sure You Know It's A Favor
On the odd time they compromise and do what you wanted to for a change, they don't let you live it down. They will seem miserable the whole time they're doing it and when they're done, they'll continue to remind you about the one time they did something for you to keep you eternally grateful.
They Make You Question Your Recollection Of Events
You're starting to question your sanity because even though five minutes ago you were sure about why they were in the wrong, they've presented it in such a way now, denying certain facts and pointing out other details, that now you can't tell what even happened anymore.
This is just their way of getting out of trouble.
Their Actions Don't Speak The Same Language As Their Words
They are full of promises. You both spend hours talking about your hopes and your dreams, and they tell you exactly all that you want to hear. You start to think everything is going to get better.
Except they never follow through, at least never for long enough. When you try to remind them, they'll just make you feel like your expectations were unreasonable.
They Try To One-Up You When You Voice A Concern
Whenever you try to express something that's bothering you, like maybe you miss your sibling, they'll try to one-up you with something uncalled for like, "Well, you're lucky you even had a sibling." They need to feel like the victim of every situation.
Cue The Waterworks
If things aren't going their way and they can't find the words to get out of it, they can basically cry on command. It's a way of tugging on your heartstrings so that they can just have you feel bad and cave.
They Insist On A Home-Court Advantage
A home-court advantage is a control tactic that works by taking a person out of their element. Do you find yourself always being in their space? Their home? Doing their activities? This could be their way of keeping control of you and of what they want with no regard for what you want.
You're Always Apologizing First
Even though an argument started out because of something they were clearly in the wrong about, it spiralled in a way you can't even remember where somehow it actually ended up being your fault after all.
So either you're apologizing now 'cause you're the last one to mess up or because you just want to be done with the argument. Either way, they're not in trouble anymore.
It's Their Way Or The Highway
This goes for every little thing. They somehow have conditioned you into doing everything the way they like it, from the way you load the dishwasher to the movies you pick on TV. Not to mention, they somehow have gotten you to do most of the work too, while they sit there and you wait for their praise.
They Assume Rather Than Actually Ask For Your Input
How many times have you ever heard, "My bad for assuming it would make you happy"? This is a tactic.
"Manipulators often voice assumptions about your intentions or beliefs and then react to them as if they were true in order to justify their feelings or actions, all the while denying what you say in the conversation," says Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT.
"They may act as if something has been agreed upon or decided when it hasn't in order to ignore any input or objection you might have."
They Don't Give You Enough Time To Make A Decision
If you're feeling pressure to give an answer in a dedicated time frame, then beware, as this a common sales and negotiation tactic. It's a way of putting pressure on you to make a decision before you're ready so that you crack and just agree to whatever they want while still feeling like you had a say in it.
They Give You Ultimatums Or Threaten You Subtly
This is another common reaction whenever you try to voice a concern. You're then met with responses such as, "Well, if I'm such a horrible person, then we shouldn't hang out anymore, why don't you just break up with me..."
They will play the victim to make you feel like you need to reassure them rather than blame them.
They Will Shower You With Affection When They Feel bad
This is a way to charm you so that you feel like they're actually such a good person that loves you, so how could you ever be upset with them? However, notice how this sweet behavior will most often be following up a time they know they've upset you?
They Hide Behind Sarcasm
Manipulators don't particularly enjoy direct communication. It would make their game a little too obvious. So instead, they use sarcasm to make fun of your feelings, thoughts, and even actions until you feel insecure about them. Maybe even until you mimic theirs instead.
There Is Always Some Kind Of Sob Story To Gain Your Sympathy
The story of how their parents' divorce affects them to this day does not justify why they can't properly communicate with you. We've all got our issues, and they're just using theirs as a crutch to justify their actions and get you to feel bad for them.
You Constantly Make Excuses For Them
You can only justify so much of their behavior until you realize that they're relying on you doing so rather than taking accountability and doing anything about it. Don't blame yourself, though, as they have subconsciously trained you to do so because you love them.
They Make You Prove That You Really Love Them Over And Over
Somehow, nothing you ever do for them is enough, and they have a way of getting you to always feel the need to "prove" how much you love and care about them. Be careful as a lot of the time, this is a way for them to gain power over you, especially if they're putting in effort in showing you the same.
They Make You Carry Their Baggage For Them
If you're starting to feel drained or exhausted every time you hang out with them, that's their way of bringing you down with them.
Suddenly, rather than being just support or a shoulder to cry on, they depend on you to help them or save them from whatever baggage is weighing on them, even though it shouldn't be your responsibility.
They Know Exactly Which Of Your Insecurities To Play On
The best way to manipulate someone is to break them down, little by little, so they're easier to control.
They might play it off as trying to help you because they "care" so much about you, but if their comments (like telling you you'd be "healthier and look better if you lost a couple pounds") are starting to get to you, it's because that's what they're doing.