Signs That You’re The One With Commitment Issues, Not Him

Ah yes, commitment issues, the term that we love to use when we can’t get someone to label a relationship or the person you’re seeing refuses to make plans more than two days out.

We’re quick to diagnose others with commitment issues, but rarely are people willing to admit it of themselves. Maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror and realize that you’re not any more willing to commit to something serious than he is.

You Like To “Live In The Moment”

couple mid-spin dancing in the woods
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Scott Broome
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Scott Broome

Rather than planning ahead or even thinking about the future, you prefer to call yourself spontaneous. You tell people you prefer to live in the moment and not stress about big decisions, but in actuality, you’re just avoiding those bigger decisions.

You Have A Lot Of Half-Learned Hobbies

art supplies all over table
Photo Credit: Pexels / Steve Johnson
Photo Credit: Pexels / Steve Johnson

Commitment issues can bleed into a lot more areas in your life than just your relationships. You have a tendency to start projects or try to pick up new hobbies only to quickly lose interest, which is how you end up with an unfinished online course on graphic design, a guitar you never learned to play, and a Crossfit membership you’ve been meaning to cancel.

You Want A Lot Of Space

woman upset with man outside
Photo Credit: Pexels / Vera Arsic
Photo Credit: Pexels / Vera Arsic

If you are in a relationship with someone (though you’re probably not labeling it yet), you tell them that you like to have your own space. You’re happy to spend time by yourself or spread your time amongst groups of friends rather than get too close to one person.

You Fantasize About Past Relationships

man and woman fingers linked
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Hunter Newton
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Hunter Newton

Rather than focusing on what’s in front of you or what you could be making out of the relationship you’re currently in, you spend your time thinking about past relationships. You might not even want to get back together with an ex, but you know you’re not fully over them yet.

You Want To Take Things Really Slow

couple hand in hand at water's edge
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Raffy John Jimenez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Raffy John Jimenez

In your mind, you’re being cautious by saying that you want to take things slow, but there is such a thing as too slow. If you can’t move forward with someone, you’re just going to be at a standstill.

You Choose Men Who Aren’t Available

couple looking away at top of tower
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Zoran Zonde Stojanovski
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Zoran Zonde Stojanovski

By consistently choosing men who are unavailable to you (regardless of their reasoning for that), you set yourself up to be in a position of never having to fully commit to them. You know they’re not going to ask that of you.

You Don’t Want To “Ruin” Things With Change

couple sitting outside on bench with greenery around
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

You claim that the reason you don’t want to label your relationship or progress with someone is that you think change will “ruin” what you have now. We’ve all heard that line from someone, but there’s not much truth to it.

Compromise Isn’t Something You Do Willingly

couple sitting back to back
Photo Credit: Pexels / Elina Sazonova
Photo Credit: Pexels / Elina Sazonova

Relationships are built on compromise, but compromise is not something that you’re happy about or willing to do very often. Think about why you’re making things more difficult than they need to be. Are you pushing someone away or seeing how far they’ll go for you?

It’s Always Their Fault, Not Yours

man talking animatedly with woman
Photo Credit: Pexels / Fauxels
Photo Credit: Pexels / Fauxels

Are you surrounded by unreliable friends, difficult coworkers, or family members who don’t respect you and your decisions? Rather than it being everyone else’s fault, maybe it’s your fault for surrounding yourself with people you aren’t fully invested in, because then there’s no risk to you if something doesn’t work out.

PDA Is Not Your Thing

couple in public man kissing woman's forehead
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ira Dulger
Photo Credit: Pexels / Ira Dulger

The thought of PDA gives you anxiety because that would mean publicly showing that you’re with someone or have feelings for a person. Even though a stranger’s opinion on your relationship doesn’t matter, you still avoid PDA.

You’re Always On The Job Hunt

interviewr shaking hands
Photo Credit: Pexels / fauxels
Photo Credit: Pexels / fauxels

You get bored easily and you struggle to stay in one place for a long time, which extends to your professional life. You’re always thinking about changing jobs or fields entirely, maybe going back to school, maybe quitting to backpack around the world.

You’ve Lived In A Lot Of Different Places

woman unpacking in empty apartment
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

If you’re someone who gets bored with their work easily, that could mean you’re the person who is constantly city-hopping, moving around the country, and never actually settling down in one place.

You’re Overly Critical

woman leaning on man's back
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic

You’re the queen (or the king) of finding flaws in anyone that you might be interested in. If you’re looking for a reason for something to not work out, you’re always going to be able to find one.

The Idea Of Labeling Makes You Uncomfortable

couple outside sitting on lap
Photo Credit: Pexels / Helena Lopes
Photo Credit: Pexels / Helena Lopes

You’re the person who always says that you shouldn’t label things, but why not? You could argue that if labels aren’t that big of a deal, it shouldn’t matter that you don’t want one, but you could also argue that the term “girlfriend” could mean whatever you choose, so it’s not that scary.

You’re Indecisive

woman looking indecisive at computer
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio

You’re someone who struggles with making decisions, especially the big decisions in life, but also the smaller ones. You leave decisions to the last possible moment, which leads you to make the wrong decision or miss opportunities.

You Agree With Someone, Even When You Don’t Actually

group of people talking
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

A fear of commitment can also spread to something like being afraid to commit to a certain opinion or be tied to beliefs. Rather than stand strong on an opinion or topic, you’d rather agree with someone else, even if you don’t fully agree, because you don’t want to be called out or have to stand your ground.

You Can’t Commit To Plans Too Far Out

colorful bullet journal calendar
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Estee Janssens
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Estee Janssens

You always like to keep your schedule open because you never know what might come up. Three to five business days is about as much notice as you’re willing to give someone, and even that is pushing it.

There’s A Similar Timeline To All Of Your Relationships

woman leaning head on man outside seated
Photo Credit: Pexels / văn-thắng
Photo Credit: Pexels / văn-thắng

It’s not exactly a coincidence that all of your relationships come to an end after three months, or you always find fault in someone after you’re with them for five months. You’ve established that point in your head as the point of no return, when you’ll be in a “real” relationship, and you avoid passing that point.

You Stay In Relationships You Know Aren’t Right

man with arm resting on woman looking away outside
Photo Credit: Pexels / Trinity Kubassek
Photo Credit: Pexels / Trinity Kubassek

Staying in a relationship that you know isn’t the right one for you is an easy way of getting out of making a commitment. Committing to someone fully isn’t easy, but it’s easy to half-heartedly stay in a relationship with someone you know you have no intention of being with long-term.

You Feel Uneasy When Your Partner Shows Their Feelings

man holding womans hand seated black and white
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay
Photo Credit: Pexels / Pixabay

PDA might make you uncomfortable, but so does your partner expressing their feelings to you in private. Just the thought of talking about your feelings or having to hear how someone feels about you gives you anxiety.