Ah yes, commitment issues, the term that we love to use when we can’t get someone to label a relationship or the person you’re seeing refuses to make plans more than two days out.
We’re quick to diagnose others with commitment issues, but rarely are people willing to admit it of themselves. Maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror and realize that you’re not any more willing to commit to something serious than he is.
You Like To “Live In The Moment”
Rather than planning ahead or even thinking about the future, you prefer to call yourself spontaneous. You tell people you prefer to live in the moment and not stress about big decisions, but in actuality, you’re just avoiding those bigger decisions.
You Have A Lot Of Half-Learned Hobbies
Commitment issues can bleed into a lot more areas in your life than just your relationships. You have a tendency to start projects or try to pick up new hobbies only to quickly lose interest, which is how you end up with an unfinished online course on graphic design, a guitar you never learned to play, and a Crossfit membership you’ve been meaning to cancel.
You Want A Lot Of Space
If you are in a relationship with someone (though you’re probably not labeling it yet), you tell them that you like to have your own space. You’re happy to spend time by yourself or spread your time amongst groups of friends rather than get too close to one person.
You Fantasize About Past Relationships
Rather than focusing on what’s in front of you or what you could be making out of the relationship you’re currently in, you spend your time thinking about past relationships. You might not even want to get back together with an ex, but you know you’re not fully over them yet.
You Want To Take Things Really Slow
In your mind, you’re being cautious by saying that you want to take things slow, but there is such a thing as too slow. If you can’t move forward with someone, you’re just going to be at a standstill.
You Choose Men Who Aren’t Available
By consistently choosing men who are unavailable to you (regardless of their reasoning for that), you set yourself up to be in a position of never having to fully commit to them. You know they’re not going to ask that of you.
You Don’t Want To “Ruin” Things With Change
You claim that the reason you don’t want to label your relationship or progress with someone is that you think change will “ruin” what you have now. We’ve all heard that line from someone, but there’s not much truth to it.
Compromise Isn’t Something You Do Willingly
Relationships are built on compromise, but compromise is not something that you’re happy about or willing to do very often. Think about why you’re making things more difficult than they need to be. Are you pushing someone away or seeing how far they’ll go for you?
It’s Always Their Fault, Not Yours
Are you surrounded by unreliable friends, difficult coworkers, or family members who don’t respect you and your decisions? Rather than it being everyone else’s fault, maybe it’s your fault for surrounding yourself with people you aren’t fully invested in, because then there’s no risk to you if something doesn’t work out.
PDA Is Not Your Thing
The thought of PDA gives you anxiety because that would mean publicly showing that you’re with someone or have feelings for a person. Even though a stranger’s opinion on your relationship doesn’t matter, you still avoid PDA.
You’re Always On The Job Hunt
You get bored easily and you struggle to stay in one place for a long time, which extends to your professional life. You’re always thinking about changing jobs or fields entirely, maybe going back to school, maybe quitting to backpack around the world.
You’ve Lived In A Lot Of Different Places
If you’re someone who gets bored with their work easily, that could mean you’re the person who is constantly city-hopping, moving around the country, and never actually settling down in one place.
You’re Overly Critical
You’re the queen (or the king) of finding flaws in anyone that you might be interested in. If you’re looking for a reason for something to not work out, you’re always going to be able to find one.
The Idea Of Labeling Makes You Uncomfortable
You’re the person who always says that you shouldn’t label things, but why not? You could argue that if labels aren’t that big of a deal, it shouldn’t matter that you don’t want one, but you could also argue that the term “girlfriend” could mean whatever you choose, so it’s not that scary.
You’re someone who struggles with making decisions, especially the big decisions in life, but also the smaller ones. You leave decisions to the last possible moment, which leads you to make the wrong decision or miss opportunities.
You Agree With Someone, Even When You Don’t Actually
A fear of commitment can also spread to something like being afraid to commit to a certain opinion or be tied to beliefs. Rather than stand strong on an opinion or topic, you’d rather agree with someone else, even if you don’t fully agree, because you don’t want to be called out or have to stand your ground.
You Can’t Commit To Plans Too Far Out
You always like to keep your schedule open because you never know what might come up. Three to five business days is about as much notice as you’re willing to give someone, and even that is pushing it.
There’s A Similar Timeline To All Of Your Relationships
It’s not exactly a coincidence that all of your relationships come to an end after three months, or you always find fault in someone after you’re with them for five months. You’ve established that point in your head as the point of no return, when you’ll be in a “real” relationship, and you avoid passing that point.
You Stay In Relationships You Know Aren’t Right
Staying in a relationship that you know isn’t the right one for you is an easy way of getting out of making a commitment. Committing to someone fully isn’t easy, but it’s easy to half-heartedly stay in a relationship with someone you know you have no intention of being with long-term.
You Feel Uneasy When Your Partner Shows Their Feelings
PDA might make you uncomfortable, but so does your partner expressing their feelings to you in private. Just the thought of talking about your feelings or having to hear how someone feels about you gives you anxiety.