Signs That They’re Not In It For The Long Term
Maybe you hit it off at the start: you met, went on a few dates, and really liked spending time together—you even started thinking about what it would mean for you to be together in the future. But lately, something feels off, though you can't quite identify it and aren't sure what it means.
These are some signs that they've lost interest or just don't see you as a long-term partner.
They're Always "Busy"
Whenever you try to make plans or try to talk to them, they tell you they're "busy," although, they either don't explain why they're busy, or their excuses always seem a little lackluster.
While some people are busy, it's often the case that "busy" is just a code for "not interested."
They Stop Planning Dates
They don't ever seem to make definitive plans with you.
They either wait for you to try and set something up, or they constantly say that they will, but rely on "playing it by ear."
Every Date Is A Spontaneous "Surprise"
In connection to the last point, they always seem to call "because they suddenly have free time."
It might feel like they're thinking of you, but in reality, you're probably a last resort for them.
You Don't Have A Fun, Flirty Dynamic Anymore
Your conversations with them used to be witty, playful, and fun, but lately, that edge has disappeared when you talk to each other.
It's almost as if the life in your dialog has died, or they just aren't trying anymore.
You Don't Meet Their Friends, Or They Stop Bringing You Out
If they constantly put off letting you meet their friends, they probably don't see you being a permanent part of their life.
If you've met their friends, but you're not invited out around them anymore, your partner might be losing interest.
They Flake On You All The Time
When you do make solid plans with them, they cancel the day of.
They cite reasons like "picking up an extra shift at work" or a "last-minute emergency," but those things happen too often to be true.
They Only Message You When They're Bored
When they're sick with the day off, or they have nothing going on, they'll text you really consistently for the whole time.
But then they go back to being barely there the second they're back to their regular schedule.
They Always Plan Around "Their" Time With No Consideration For Yours
Whenever it comes to making plans, they expect you to fit around their current schedule.
They'll ask you to cancel plans for them, but they would never return the favor for you.
They've Stopped Complimenting You
They used to compliment you much more, whether it was based on appearance or personality, but they've slowly stopped doing so.
This is even more telling if they act indifferent to your accomplishments and feelings when you do share them.
They Start Doing Obnoxious, Annoying Things
They were always attentive before, but suddenly they're taking hours to text back and acting indifferent to you a lot of the time.
Sometimes people act like jerks in order to push current partners away rather than having to just say they're not interested.
They're Very Inconsistent With How They Treat You
They're friendly and fun when they're in the mood for it, but they go ghost the second it's no longer convenient for them to keep up the conversation.
They think of you more as an option than a priority.
They're Vague About How They Define Relationships
Whenever you bring up the R-word around them, they always talk really loosely about how they view relationships and say things like, "they just don't want to let labels confuse things."
That means they likely just don't want a label with you.
You Only Really See Them At Night
You don't seem to spend time with each other often anymore, but when you do, it's never during daylight.
They always claim to be too busy during evening and weekend hours, but they'll come for an adult sleepover at 10 p.m.
All Of Your Dates Involve "Staying In"
Trips to nice restaurants and fun activities have ceased to occur and every date seems to involve you staying inside.
When you try to plan something else, they seem resistant, which may mean they don't feel like putting in the effort for you.
They're Always "Tired" Or In A Mood
They always only seem half-there or in a bad mood when you spend time together, even though they insist they're just "tired."
It's totally normal for that to happen occasionally, but it shouldn't be the majority of the time or without explanation.
They Don't Want To Take Pictures With You
They never want to take pictures with you, whether it be at a public event or just a selfie.
If they don't want any evidence of you together, either they are seeing other people or they don't think you're going to last very long anyway.
They Only Share Surface-Level Things About Themselves
You know a bit about what they do for a living, a couple of their generic hobbies, and a little information about their friends.
But they keep you at arm's length when it comes to their passions, values, and family life.
They've Stopped Really Trying To Get To Know You
While they initially asked you a lot of questions about your hobbies, goals, and other deep aspects of your personality, they've stopped digging.
Now, they stick to casual "how was your day" type questions, likely because they don't see you being around for long.
Things Have Drastically Changed Since The Beginning
If you go back through all your text messages and call logs from when you started seeing them and compare them to how they treat you now and things have changed a lot, it's not a great sign.
It likely means that they just aren't as interested anymore.
You Just Feel Something Is Off
Human intuition doesn't get enough credit. If you feel something is seriously off, you might just be right and you should bring it up with them.
Be honest and open—it might be the opportunity they've been looking for to admit their feelings have changed or that they don't want a long-term relationship.
You Don't Feel Like You Can Be Yourself Around Them
You shouldn't be too scared that if they see your flaws they'll lose interest. You shouldn't have to put up a front or always look your best.
If it's that easy for them to start to distance themselves, then it might be because they're not planning to stay for the long term anyway.
You Can Tell You're No Longer A Priority
If they're acting like you're merely a convenience, always choosing everyone and anything else before you, then you know you should put up your guard.
When you want to make it work with someone, you take their needs and time into account.
They Won't Introduce You To Their Family
This is their way of creating some distance so that when the day comes and they're walking away, they don't have to justify or update all the people that have met you.
The less they intertwine their lives with yours, the easier it is to walk away.
He Won't Talk About Your Future
You're not requiring them to commit to marrying you next month, but you at least want them to be your date to your friend's wedding, and they can't even give you an answer because they don't want to progress "too fast."
If they say another F-word when you say "future," that should be a huge red flag.
They're Here But Not Really Here
They're physically sitting beside you, but you can tell their mind is elsewhere. It almost feels like they would rather be anywhere but with you.
They forget the things you tell them and barely contribute to your conversations.
You Don't Feel Like Your Opinion Is Valued
They turn the situation around so that they're always right and you're always wrong.
Even when it comes to your opinions, they keep on dismissing them rather than trying to understand them. This will only get worse as you try to give your opinion on bigger topics.
They Always Have Excuses On Holidays
You can't even get a card out of them on Valentine's Day and they just happen to have a big meeting on your birthday.
Plus, they always magically get a cold every time you try to organize a dinner with your family.
They Keep Eye Contact To A Minimum
They say that eyes are a window to the soul, and they might just not really want you seeing that deeply into their soul because they don't want to connect that deeply with you.
Eye contact is also a basic indicator that easily differentiates whether someone is emotionally engaged with you or not.
They Never Post Anything About You On Social Media
Granted, social media isn't the sole or main determinant of your relationship, but you shouldn't feel hidden, either.
You don't want your partner to treat you like you're a secret—you want them to show you off.
You Sometimes Wonder If They've Been Kidnapped
They go so long without getting back to you sometimes that you seriously wonder if you shouldn't send a search party after them.
Just as you're about to give up, there they reappear.
He Takes An Interest In Your Life
He asks questions about your career, your family, or your favorite hobbies.
You don't have to talk about your childhood trauma right away, but him showing interested in your life at all is certainly a step up from the last guy you met on Bumble, right?
She Makes You A Priority
She puts in the effort to work around your schedule as much as her own.
She thinks about making plans with you or spending time with you rather than just trying to fit you in somewhere.
He Talks About His Long-Term Goals
We don't want to say he talks about his hopes and dreams because that's cheesy as hell, but if he's talking about his goals for the future, that shows he thinks about things in the long term.
He's not just in it for the present or the next couple of weeks.
She Introduced You To Her Friends
She's not going to put you (or herself) through the wringer by introducing you to her horde of crazy friends.
If she does, then she's sure that she wants to keep you around for more than a week.
He's Had Long-Term Relationships Previously
Someone who has been in long-term relationships before is going to be more open to them moving forward.
So if they're 26 and they've never had anything but casual hookups, don't get too attached.
She's Fully Present When You're Together
She doesn't spend all her time scrolling through Instagram or constantly checking her texts when you're together.
She wants to spend her time getting to know you and learn more about you.
He Talks About Your Future Together
He might not be talking about what kind of wedding ring you want him to buy you, but he's talking about things like his cousin's wedding that's coming up in the summer or a trip out West you should take together in a few months.
He pictures you sticking around that long.
She Responds To Your Messages While It's Light Outside
If she'll only answer your texts between 8 p.m. and 4 a.m., that's because she's only interested in seeing you at those times.
No one is too busy to answer texts for 12 hours at a time, so even if she takes the time to send you a quick message on her lunch break, that's a positive sign.
He Asks About Your Dating History
And he's willing to talk about his own history.
Things like exes and previous relationships are topics you avoid with someone you only see twice a week when they show up at your door at midnight after they were out with their friends.
She Wants To Go On Actual Dates
Going on an actual date with someone or venturing into a public space beyond your living room or bedroom shows she's interested in more than just a physical connection with you.
If she's just inviting you over to her house all the time, this might be a fling, not a forever thing.
He Let You Meet His Parents
Meeting the parents is a huge part of a relationship, especially if someone is super close with their family or values their family's opinion.
He's not going to risk introducing you to his parents and having them fall in love with you if he plans on ghosting you next week.
She Actually Wants To Deal With The Problems You Have
No relationship is perfect. You and your partner are going to fight from time to time, but it's how you deal with the fights that matter.
If she refuses to talk about the cause of your fights or just stops replying for a few days every time you get in an argument, she's not invested.
He's Ended Things With Other Women
Nowadays, if you meet someone on a dating app, it's common for them to be talking to more than one person at a time in the beginning.
But if he tells you that he took his profile out of the pile on Tinder or that he isn't talking to anyone else, that shows he sees a future too.
She Remembers The Things You Tell Her Or Talk About
If someone is interested in being a part of your life, they're going to take note of the things you tell them.
They'll be more likely to remember the names of your best friend or your siblings because they actually care.
He Has His Life "Together"
A lot of times, if someone is only looking for a casual relationship it's because their lives are messy enough already and they don't know how a long-term relationship would fit into that.
A man who already is settled in his career, lives alone or with one other roommate, and actually has a plan for his life is going to be more open to a relationship.
She's Open With You About Her Past
It's important for partners to be open with each other in a relationship about their past and what baggage they're bringing to the relationship.
But if she's closed off to you, you're never going to make it to the relationship stage.
He Wasn't Interested In A Physical Relationship Right Away
The whole point of a casual hookup is a physical relationship, so if that didn't happen the first night you met them or hung out with them alone (or it did but you're still talking) then you're in good shape.
It means you have some sort of solid, non-physical foundation to build on.
She's Willing To Put A Label On It
Obviously, we all know that if someone is avoiding that "what are we?" conversation or isn't willing to call you her boyfriend after 4 months of what you thought was dating, it's probably not going to last.
If she doesn't shy away from labeling it, you're on the right track.
He Puts In The Same Amount Of Effort As You
You never want to be in a relationship where one of you is putting in way more effort than the other because it ends up not benefit either of you.
If you're headed towards a real relationship, you'll be partners in your couple.
She Doesn't Disappear Then Come Back As If Nothing Happened
Someone who ghosts you for days at a time then sends you a text asking if you want to hang out as if they haven't been ignoring you for the past six days is not someone interested in a long-term relationship.
If they're interested in you, they'll let you know if they have to drop off the map for a while.
You're Never Uncomfortable With Expressing Your Feelings
You don't feel nervous or uncomfortable about expressing your feelings because you're comfortable around them.
They've shown you that you can trust them and that they want to have those big, important conversations with you, as well as the little things.
He Doesn't Make You Compete For His Attention
You know that if you want to spend time together, he's going to make it work.
You don't feel like you have to compete for attention against his family or friends, and even if he already has plans, you're a part of his life so he makes room for you.
She's The Same Person With You As With Everyone Else
Pay attention to how she behaves when she's with her friends or family compared to when it's just the two of you.
If she drastically changes her behavior depending on who she's with, that's a red flag.
He's Not Future Faking To Get What He Wants
More than simply talking about a potential future together, he follows through on what he says.
He's not talking about the future simply because he wants something in the moment. He makes moves with you in mind, clearly working towards what you've talked about.
She Always Tells You The Truth
Even if she knows that the truth might be painful or it might make you upset, she'd rather tell you the truth than have to lie to you about something important.
Relationships are built on honesty, so if you don't have that, you're in for a tough ride.
There's No Ambiguity
You don't have to be thinking about where you stand or how they feel because they've made it clear.
There's no ambiguity or guessing games when it comes to your relationship.
He Doesn't Use Past Traumas Or Triggers Against You
It doesn't matter what you've been through in past relationships because you know that he'd never use that against you now.
You feel comfortable talking about any trauma or baggage because it's not going to be thrown back at you later on.
She's Curious About You And Your Life
If you find yourself wondering "is she serious about me?" the answer is usually the response to the question "is she curious about me?"
If she asks questions and wants to get to know you, that's a good sign.
He Asks For Your Opinion
If he has to make a decision or is struggling with a situation, he asks you for your opinion.
He values what you have to say and takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration.
She Shares Her Favorite Things With You
If there's a hobby she's passionate about, an activity she loves doing, or even a TV show she's obsessed with, she wants to share it with you.
She knows you might not love it as much as she does, but she still wants you to be a part of it.
