When you start a relationship with someone, the expectation is that you’re going to be equals in the relationship and that you and your partner are going to be on the same level. But that isn’t always the case.
Your partner should bring out the best in you, be there to celebrate your successes, and be someone that you can make decisions about your life with. If you find that these things aren’t happening, maybe your partner doesn’t see you as an equal. Here are some signs to watch for if you’re not sure about if your partner values you.
They’re The Only One Allowed To Have A Bad Day
If you come home from work and say you’ve had a bad day, chances are their’s was worse and their bad day is going to take priority over whatever it is that you’re feeling.
You Always Apologize First
Even when you know that you were in the right and they were in the wrong, you find yourself apologizing first simply because you want to diffuse the tension of the situation or make up after an argument.
They Expect You To Compromise
If the two of you are trying to make a decision and you come to a crossroads, you’re always the one that ends up giving in or settling for something other than what you want in order to avoid a stalemate.
There’s Nothing Private About Your Relationship
It’s normal to talk about your relationship with your friends or family, especially if you’re having issues, but there still needs to be a certain level of privacy and respect between you and your partner. Not everything needs to be public knowledge — nor should it be.
They Never Ask For Your Advice Or Opinion
A relationship is a partnership and typically you would ask your partner for their advice or opinion because you value them and you trust their advice. If you find that they never ask for your advice, maybe you should look at if you’re actually in a partnership.
They Talk Over You
You might be in the middle of telling your friends a story or maybe you’re trying to tell them about something that happened to you, but once again they cut you off. They might interject their opinion or change the story altogether, but what they’re not doing, is listening.
They Belittle Your Achievements
You just got a promotion you’ve been working toward for months or you finally hit that savings goal you set for yourself and you’re excited about it, naturally! Then your partner completely shoots you down, making you feel like your accomplishment wasn’t that impressive.
And They Always Exaggerate Their Own Accomplishments
To top it off, not only do they belittle your achievements, but they also always one-up your accomplishments with their own and they never stop talking about whatever it is that happened to them.
They Have A Tendency To Mansplain
If you find your partner constantly talking down to you or explaining things to you as if you were a child, it’s because they don’t value you in the relationship. They see you as a step below them, which is why they think they can talk down to you or treat you as lesser than.
They Make Plans Without Checking With You
You don’t need to spend every minute of every day with your partner (in fact, you shouldn’t) and your partner doesn’t need to tell you everything they do in a day. But if your partner is often making plans without consulting you that may or may not include you, they’re not valuing you.
They Don’t Respect Your Time
When you do make plans, it’s always on their schedule and they don’t care if they’re late. It doesn’t matter if you have to work early in the morning so you planned to go for an early dinner. They’re going to show up when they feel like it, even if that’s an hour later than you agreed on.
They Laugh At You
Nothing is more infuriating than being in the middle of an argument with your partner and they start laughing at you. That’s a major red flag telling you that they don’t think what you’re saying is important.
They Don’t Value Your Career
Just because they’re an engineer and you work in marketing doesn’t mean your career matters any less than theirs does. They don’t have a right to treat your career like a hobby or like it’s less important than theirs, no matter what your job is.
They Make Large Decisions Without Consulting You
Especially financial decisions or ones that would have a big effect on you or on your relationship, like accepting a job in a different city or booking a trip on your shared credit card that you don’t have the money for.
They Try To Change You
This is the biggest red flag there is and yet we so often ignore it. If someone is trying to alter you or convince you to change in order to fit what they’re looking for, they’re clearly not for you.
They Don’t Take Your Feelings Or Concerns Seriously
You’ve told them repeatedly that you don’t appreciate them making jokes about your size because you’re sensitive about it or that you’re not comfortable with them going out with that one friend because x, y, and z, but they do it anyways.
They Aren’t Interested In Your Life
You make it a point to ask about their friends or ask how their day is because you care about them and want to share their life, yet have you noticed that they never reciprocate?
They Put You Down In Front Of Others
Sure, go ahead and crack a couple jokes about your partner or tease them in front of others, but there’s a difference between someone making a joke and someone intentionally trying to make you look worse in front of others.
They’re Rigid About Your Role In The Relationship
They have certain expectations for what you’re going to bring to the relationship, and they’re not okay with those needs not being met or the roles shifting if you get a new job or change your hours at work and you’re not the one who’s always home to cook dinner.
They Expect Transparency But Don’t Offer The Same
They want to know where you’re going, what time you’ll be home, and how much you spent at dinner on Tuesday night, yet if you were to ask them the same they would tell you you’re being too nosy or that you need to lighten up.