Signs Of Desperation That Are Actually Huge Turn-Offs

You might not even realize you’re doing it, so we’re here to keep you in check. We want the best for you, and we don’t want you sabotaging your own relationship by getting in your head and going out of your way to prove yourself.

Watch out for these behaviors so that you don’t push people away.

Talking More Than Necessary

Couple chats at coffeshop
Photo Credit: Eduardo Simoes Neto Junior / Pexels
Photo Credit: Eduardo Simoes Neto Junior / Pexels

There’s nothing wrong with making conversation, but men love when a woman is also comfortable in silence. Silence doesn’t necessarily mean awkwardness, so there’s no need to turn into a chatty Kathy and go on to gossip just to fill it. You’ve just got to find the right balance.

Sending Texts Back To Back To Back

woman texting on blackberry by window
Photo Credit: Kamboompics /Pexel
Photo Credit: Kamboompics /Pexel

Although some men could use a lesson in communication, the unfortunate truth is if you go a while without getting a text back, the reason usually has nothing to do with you, and it’s simply because they’re distracted.

There’s no need for you to follow up and give in to worst-case scenario assumptions. This might just come off as clingy.

You’re Available To Hang Out Whenever, Wherever, Always

boy and girl hangout by the beach and talk
Photo Credit: Jodie Louise / Pexels
Photo Credit: Jodie Louise / Pexels

We’re not saying you should be playing hard to get, but don’t bend over backward to fit their schedule. They might take it for granted—or even take advantage of it.

Make sure that you’re still taking the time to see your people and do your thing. It’s attractive that you lead your own independent life.

Fishing For Compliments

woman leaning on piano and looking up
Photo Credit: Anderson Cavalera / Pexels
Photo Credit: Anderson Cavalera / Pexels

Of course you want to know that the two-hour effort you spent getting ready for this date was at least noticeable, but watch out for how you express that.

Don’t go asking if the dress makes your hips look wide. Rather, let the way it makes you feel confident speak for itself.

Pushing Too Hard

couple hugging from behind over fence
Photo Credit: Wendy Wei / Pexels
Photo Credit: Wendy Wei / Pexels

Everyone moves at their own pace—it’s not competition. Rather than worry that you still haven’t kissed by the third date and try to force a peck, ask them how they’re feeling.

Let the attraction build and wait for the connection to form naturally without expectations.

Having A Pre-Planned Agenda

cup of coffee over agenda
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Estee Janssens / Unsplash

If you go into a relationship with a preconceived plan for its timeline, milestones, and direction, you’re not only putting a lot of pressure on that relationship, but you’re also putting pressure on your partner to be on the same page.

This might cause them to panic or feel like they’re not good enough.

Analyzing Their Every Action

woman texting outdoors and laughing
Photo Credit: Carol Magalhaes / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Carol Magalhaes / Unsplash

You don’t want to be grilling them on why they told you goodnight at 11:00 and were still online at 11:15.

As hard as you try to understand their patterns so that you know what to expect from them, give them the benefit of the doubt and build a relationship on trust and honesty. Trust that if they didn’t like you, they’d just tell you.

Trying To Control Them

man holding woman who is trying to break free
Photo Credit: Alex Green / Pexels
Photo Credit: Alex Green / Pexels

Understand that the reason you have this itch to always know where they are, who they’re with, and when they’ll be home is because you’re scared of being vulnerable.

This uncomfortable feeling makes you feel powerless, so you fight to regain control, hoping that if you understand, then you can change it. Spoiler alert: you have no control over others, just yourself.

Trying To Get Their Attention On Social Media

woman having her picture taken at restaurant
Photo Credit: Josh Rose / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Josh Rose / Unsplash

If you want to post a thirst trap or use cheesy lyrics as your Facebook status, go ahead. Just make sure you’re doing it only for yourself because it makes you feel good.

Don’t disguise the posts as organic when you really meant for someone specific to decipher your secret message.

You Compare Yourself To Other People In Their Lives

woman on her phone through a window
Photo Credit: Vladimir Fedotov / Unplash
Photo Credit: Vladimir Fedotov / Unplash

Each relationship he builds is going to be unique to that person. There’s no benefit in comparing how far they were with their ex at this point in the relationship or why they have the energy to go out for drinks with their friends but not to go on a date.

Let them build the relationship in the way that feels most comfortable to them.

Requiring Commitment From The Get-Go

woman on her phone on a sidewalk
Photo Credit: Crew / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Crew / Unsplash

It’s okay not to know exactly where a relationship is headed from the get-go and to just see what happens, as long as you’re both honest about it and open to it evolving. In the same sense, trust them if they tell you that they’re not looking for anything serious. Don’t try to change their mind.

Not Knowing When To Let Go

couple sitting against the wall with beers
Photo Credit: Sangria Senorial / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sangria Senorial / Unsplash

There’s going to be a point with many men where they’ll keep you around more out of convenience than genuine interest.

Rather than hoping and trying to woo them in various ways, know that you’re a catch, and if they’re not putting in the effort to show you that, then you need to let go.

Talking About Long-Term Plans

woman leaning in to kiss man on the street
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Freestocks / Unsplash

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of someone new and jump ahead. As much as you can already picture them as your date at your best friend’s wedding in a year, play it safe and don’t ask them until you know for sure they’re someone worthy of sticking around that long.

Being Too Hard On Yourself

woman covering up her face
Photo Credit: Dev Asangbam / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Dev Asangbam / Unsplash

“Be careful with the self-deprecation—it can come across as weak and unattractive.” —GuaHero / Reddit

It’s easy to rely on humor to make people comfortable and ease the tension. Just don’t make too many jokes at your own expense, even if they’re funny. You want to be showing off your best self.

Showing Up Unannounced

sitting on bench outdoors
Photo Credit: Clem Onojeghuo / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Clem Onojeghuo / Unsplash

You might have simply wanted to surprise them with a coffee at work, but if they’re not ready to introduce you to the people in that environment yet, you may be pushing them faster than they can handle.

Ask them first. That way, even if they’re not ready, they can still appreciate the thought behind the gesture.

Putting Up With His Bad Behavior

cropped out couple sitting on bench in jeans and matching sneakers
Photo Credit: Dkim Loic / unsplash
Photo Credit: Dkim Loic / unsplash

You shouldn’t put up with them not treating you the way you deserve simply because it was the first time it happened or because you’re worried you’ll drive them away if you get upset.

Set the boundaries early on. Otherwise, they’ll learn that they can just get away with it.

Agreeing To Participate In Activities You Don’t Enjoy

couple rides the merry go round horses
Photo Credit: Sept commercial / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sept commercial / Unsplash

There’s a difference between trying to take an interest in their hobbies to get to know them better and full-on pretending to enjoy a whole other lifestyle that’s out of your comfort zone.

They’ll quickly see through your ruse and think of you as dishonest even if you had good intentions.

Revealing Your Deepest Darkest Secrets Early

Couple reads a book in bed
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash

“When I think of people who seem desperate, I think of ‘level-jumpers,’ like the guy you just met who is acting like he’s your best friend, the casual acquaintance who suddenly unloads his deepest secrets, the girl who starts talking about marriage on the first date, etc.” —callmejay / Reddit

Some men prefer a gradual build-up to feel comfortable enough to share the parts of themselves they’ve been conditioned to want to hide.

Understand Why You Act Desperate

woman looking out window and leaning on it
Photo Credit: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels
Photo Credit: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels

Acting desperate is acting out of fear that you’re going to get dumped or that you might not be good enough. The more confident you feel, the less likely you’ll feel a need to act desperate. It’s a basic human behavior, so don’t be too hard on yourself.

Don’t Worry Too Much, Just Be Yourself

woman looks through goggles acting silly
Photo Credit: Atikh Bana / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Atikh Bana / Unsplash

This might be the cheesiest advice in the book, but there’s truth to it. Some people will think of your behavior as desperate, while others will appreciate it and relate to it.

The right person should be able to communicate with you, partake in setting boundaries, be honest, and not give you a reason to feel like you have to go out of your way and seem desperate.