Signs His Mother Is The Problem In Your Relationship
Books have been written about it, there are entire plotlines of movies based around it (we're looking at you J. Lo & Jane Fonda), and one or two of your friends have probably experienced it too. Everyone knows by now that if the mother of your partner doesn't like you, you're probably in for some trouble.
You might not even realize it's an issue until it's too late, so here are a few things to watch out for.
Sadly, You Can't Choose Your In-Laws
There are a lot of things in your life that you have autonomy over, but your boyfriend's parents are not one of them. Even if they're not your official in-laws, if your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you, there's a chance they'll never be your in-laws.
He Doesn't Even Have To Be A Self-Proclaimed Mama's Boy
You might all be well aware that his mother's opinion is the most important in his life, or they might not even be that close. Even the ones who aren't super close with their mother usually still care about the opinion of the woman who raised them.
Chances Are It's Not About You
Everyone wants to believe that their child is the best, considering they're at least partially responsible for their child turning into the adult they are today. It makes sense that a mother wants the best for her son, and sometimes she's going to believe that no one can reach that standard.
How Do You Know If She's A Meddling Mother?
Maybe you've tried to bring up the subject with him and he's shot you down, or you've convinced yourself that you're overreacting, that his mother doesn't dislike you and isn't affecting your relationship. There are a few things you can watch for if you think it's an issue.
She Always Takes Her Son's Side Of Any Argument
She's the first one to criticize you and your decisions, but her son? Oh no, her son can do absolutely no wrong. He is an angel, and she will always take his side in an argument or decision—even if you all know he's wrong.
She Always Thinks She Knows Best
It doesn't matter that you weren't asking for opinions from the peanut gallery, you're going to get them. She wants to bestow all her motherly wisdom on you because she knows best.
She Just Shows Up Announced
Boundaries are important, but not to a mother. His mother always seems to be showing up on a Sunday morning unannounced or just popping over on a Tuesday afternoon to make sure her baby is okay.
She Hosts A Lot Of "Family Only" Events
You know for a fact that your boyfriend's siblings all brought their significant others to Christmas dinner, yet you were told by his mom that she wanted to keep it to "just the immediate family this year." She hasn't yet deemed you worthy of attending these incredibly important and private family events.
She Can't Let Go Of The Past
There's that joke that once someone tells their mother about their relationship problems, there's no coming back from it, and it's true. He told his mom about one argument you had or that brief few weeks you spent apart last year and she can't let go of it.
She Loves To Bring Up Old Girlfriends
This is truly the worst. A mother who spends her time with you talking about "how wonderful" her son's last girlfriend was or conveniently mentions that she ran into so-and-so's mom in the grocery store last week is exhausting to deal with.
She Puts On A Nice Front For The Family
One of the worst types of mother to deal with are the ones who are nice when their son or family is around, but rude to you in private. How do you tell your boyfriend that his mother actually isn't as sweet as he thinks?
She Manipulates Him To Get Her Way
You'd think that you're supposed to be the priority in your partner's life, but she always trumps you. She guilt-trips and silent-treatments her way into getting what she wants every time, regardless of what you want.
Every Decision Somehow Ends Up Being About Her
You're not sure how it happens, but somehow, every decision that you try to make as a couple somehow ends up having to be about her needs or involves factoring in what would be best for her.
Maybe She Pretends You Don't Exist
This might actually be the preferred option for some. As far as she's concerned, you don't exist unless you're the one starting the conversation or she needs something from you.
She Inserts Herself Into Decisions
Not only does your partner make her a priority in any decision, but she makes herself the priority by fully inserting herself into the process. It doesn't matter that the decision has nothing to do with her. She wants to be a part of it, so that's how it'll be.
She Doesn't Respect Your Choices
Heaven help you if you make a decision that she doesn't agree with, because you're going to hear about it. She doesn't have any respect for the choices that you make unless she agrees with them.
Nothing Could Ever Be Completely Her Fault
If she actually apologizes for something she's done wrong, chances are, she doesn't take complete ownership. There's always a way for her to spin it that she only behaved a certain way because her feelings were hurt or because of some other reason that is somehow your fault.
She Always "Helps" When You Come Over
It'd be lovely to have someone come over and help to clean the house or bring dinner over when they come to visit. The problem is that she offers to do the dishes after dinner and spends most of the time explaining how her way of doing it is better or talking about how much nicer it is to have a homemade dinner (because she made it).
An Unfortunate PSA: She's Not Going To Change
As much as I would love to be able to tell you that all you have to do is sit down and tell her how you feel so she'll magically change her behavior, that probably won't happen.
Your Partner Is Still At Fault, Though, Too, FYI
You can blame your partner's mother for all of these things, but it gets to the point where you also have to blame your partner too. He's the one you're in a relationship with, and you should (gently) remind him of that. Being his mother's target is not part of the job description for being in a relationship.
