Signs Your Boyfriend Is Slowly Making You Feel Insecure
When you're in a relationship for a long time, it's hard to remember what you were like prior to the relationship started and how the relationship has slowly been changing you. Sometimes, being with someone changes you for the better, but sometimes the opposite is true.
Here are signs that your boyfriend is slowing making you feel more insecure.
His Opinions Overwhelmingly Impact Your Decisions
It can be big life decisions or even small ones, like how you want to cut your hair. You're opinion of your ideas change drastically based on how he reacts to them, even if you're less inclined towards his suggestions.
You Feel Ugly
Even though you've always felt assured in your looks, you feel unattractive and you fixate on your perceived flaws or things he has commented on. A woman I know once had a partner mock her cellulite and it was all she noticed about her body for months.
You Don't Discuss Your Bad Days
You feel like venting about your bad day, but you think it might be self-centered and burdensome for him to listen to it, even though you frequently allow him to talk about his bad days to you.
You Always Apologize First
It doesn't matter if he was the one in the wrong—you find yourself being the one apologizing and trying to make amends. You find yourself accepting blame for things that aren't your fault in hopes that it will smooth over problems.
You Never Fully Ask For What You Want
You're afraid that asking for what you really want would be needy or too demanding, so you find yourself making compromises before the request even leaves your lips. You constantly feel like you're "too much".
You're Afraid To Share Things With Him
You're excited about something new in your life—a job, hobby, award, etc.—but you're afraid to tell your boyfriend about it. Whenever you share things, he makes you feel like your interests are stupid or not good enough. Every time it happens, it's a dent in your confidence so you don't even mention things anymore.
The Compliments Go One Way
You frequently give him compliments about a variety of his aspects—his appearance, sense of humor, intellect, etc.—but he doesn't compliment you in the same way. When he does, he focuses on shallow aspects and his words somehow make you feel worse.
You Feel Like You Have To Work For His Attention
You feel like he barely even notices you and you catch yourself putting in a lot of effort to keep his attention on you. You often find yourself going out of the way to try to impress him just so you can feel seen.
You're Always Doing What He Wants To Do
When you're spending time together, the activities always revolve around what he likes. You'll put up with baseball games and other things you're not interested in to spend time with him, but he never is willing to do the same with you so you concede to his preferences.
You're Self-Conscious About Expressing Your Opinions
If you have an opinion you think might go against or challenge one of his, you don't vocalize it. This is often because he'll belittle or dismiss your opinions, making you hesitant to share them at all.
You Feel Like His Love Is Extremely Conditional
He tells you that he loves you, but you constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells—one misstep and everything will fall apart. You feel like he could easily dispose of you and replace you. Perhaps it's your own insecurities, or maybe he often makes comments that cause you to feel this way.
You're Suspicious Of Other Women He Knows
You find yourself questioning his relationship with other women in his life and start to feel suspicious when he spends time with them. Even if he isn't cheating, there's often a significant reason you feel insecure and distrusting toward him.
He Often Doesn't Believe You
When you tell him about a problem in your life or a situation you're facing, he's way too fast to take the other person's side in the argument or discredit your feelings, saying that you're overreacting.
You Turn A Blind Eye
There are many things that your boyfriend does that upset you or you disagree with, but you just pretend you don't notice. When he makes harmful comments, you pretend not to care. Over time, you start to believe that you don't deserve respect.
You Internalize His Every Negative Mood As Your Fault
Whenever something seems off or he's upset, you believe it's your fault. You begin to see yourself more as a burden to him than an equal partner. When he's angry, you get down on yourself.
You Aren't Having Fun Anymore
When you critically think about it, you can't remember the last time your relationship made you feel happy and supported. You find yourself living in your memories of the "good times", but you don't feel good in the present.
You Don't Tell Him About Your Successes
When you have a big win in your life, like a promotion, you dread telling him about it. While other people normally are excited for you, he treats your accomplishments like they're nothing special so often that you don't even really view your successes as valid.
You Feel Like A Shell Of The Person You Used To Be
You think about the person you were months or years ago and she seems like a stranger—you can barely recognize yourself. You feel like you're missing a part of yourself.
It's Hard To Understand How You Let Yourself Get This Way
Knowing the confident, self-assured woman you were at the beginning of your relationship, it's hard for you to accept that you are unhappy and insecure. Even worse, you start to blame yourself for letting yourself slip like this.
Reclaim Yourself And Your Confidence
You need to drop him and recenter your life on yourself. It takes a lot of time and work to find yourself again, but you emerge from the experience even stronger, more confident, and unbreakable.