Making mistakes and learning from them is part of growing, especially in relationships.
You hope that the person you’re dating is willing to cut you some slack and be forgiving after an argument because they’re bound to happen. But at what point do you draw the line?
Some People Deserve A Second Chance But Your Ex Isn’t One Of Them
You can only be “forgiving” for so long because at some point you’re giving more than you’re getting.
While most people might deserve a second chance, there are a few good reasons why your ex is not one of them.
It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before You Wind Up Getting Hurt Again
Repeating the same mistakes with the same person gets exhausting fast.
If someone has mistreated you or disrespected you in the past and proven to you that they’re capable of doing it again it’s just a matter of time before you wind up getting hurt.
A Second Chance Is Complicated With An Ex
Technically, giving your ex a “second chance” is much more like giving them a 50th or 60th chance.
The truth is, you have been making compromises over the course of your entire relationship to give them another chance to change your mind. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
Exes Are Usually Exes For A Good Reason
Giving someone a second chance after a cold, hard breakup is a lot more real than giving them a chance to make it up to you after a petty fight.
It’s a big deal to get back with an ex because they’re usually an ex for a good reason, right?
You Need Time To Process After A Break Up
Consider the facts before you get back with him for the doomed “second chance” otherwise known as the last-ditch effort.
Especially if it hasn’t been that long since your actual breakup.
He Hasn’t Made Any Real Efforts
Whether it’s a few weeks post-breakup or a few months after, he’s probably going to reach out.
It’s been long enough for him to see that he’s bored and lonely without you but he hasn’t made any real efforts to fix the parts of the relationship that went wrong.
You Only Want To Answer Because You’re Still Emotional Over The Break Up
You’re more likely to answer him and consider reconciling because you’re also still feeling the fresh breakup blues.
If he hasn’t done anything to right the wrongs that led to your split, there’s no point in even answering because you’re setting yourself up for a repeat.
He Doesn’t Deserve Another Chance If He Ever Ghosted You
Ghosting is one of the worst behaviors that a guy can do after a breakup or intense fight.
It leaves you feeling isolated, ignored, and unimportant. If he has spent any amount of time ghosting you don’t be fooled that he won’t do it again when it serves him.
If He Ghosted You Once He Can Do It Again
When a guy who ghosted you decides to come back around it might be worth hearing out if he has any sort of real explanation.
But the reality is that he was still able to shut you out and make you feel like the least important person to him. And he can do it again.
He Broke Up With You For A Shallow Reason
If your breakup was over something insane and shallow like wanting to date someone younger or him commenting on your body and weight, there is no way he deserves another chance.
He showed you his true colors and that his understanding of a relationship is only physical and you deserve better than that.
He Left You For Someone Else
When your relationship ended it could have been for a hundred different reasons but there’s one that’s definitely unforgivable.
If he left you for another woman and things didn’t work out between them but now he’s coming back around, shut it down as soon as you can.
His Intentions Are Always Unclear
His intentions will never be to put your feelings first in the relationship. Especially if he was able to let himself fall for someone else while you two were dating.
If this was the case, you will likely always struggle to feel secure in your relationship.
He Got Back With His Ex-Girlfriend While You Were Broken Up
If he gets back with his ex-girlfriend it could mean any number of things for you.
But mostly, it should signal to you that he doesn’t know what he has when he has it and he’s willing to screw up everything trying to get it back.
He’s Cheated On You More Than Once
If he’s cheated on you more than once in the past it’s almost guaranteed he’s going to do it again in the future.
He knows that you’ll get back with him again afterward and he just has to get through the fights when they happen.
He Was Emotionally Abusive
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can be hard to notice while you’re actually experiencing it.
If you’ve taken some time away and can recognize how toxic certain behaviors were, do yourself a favor and close that door for good!
He Let The Relationship Fall Apart
The reality is that he shouldn’t have let your relationship crash and burn in the first place.
Making the decision to move on is challenging and will not be easy but in the long run it’s worth it to give yourself the freedom from toxic behaviors and patterns.
Your Ex Could Be Reaching Out For A Variety Of Reasons
Just because your ex is checking in on you doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get back together, they could be lurking around for a variety of reasons.
It’s best to figure out what their intentions are so you can decide how quickly you need to swerve them.
They Are Curious About Whether You Have Moved On
Your ex could be creeping on your social media or sending you random messages because they’re curious about whether you’re dating anyone new.
Their interest comes more from a place of competition because they are wondering how they compare to someone new.
They Are Comparing Themselves To Whoever You Are Dating Now
Your ex will be looking for any information to see how they stack up compared to the new boo.
It’s likely that your ex is secretly hoping you downgrade when you replace them to make their own ego feel better.
They Want To Know If You’re Posting Anything About Them
It’s also possible that your ex is checking to see if you are shading them online.
Nasty breakups make people post crazy things sometimes and your ex could be keeping an eye to make sure you don’t expose their dirty deeds to your followers in a rant moment.
It’s Best To Keep Your Venting Sessions Off The Internet
If you are still posting about the breakup or leaving subtle hints in your captions and posts, your ex will be reassured that they are still taking up space in your head.
Venting to your friends in real life is always a better bet than venting on the internet (it’s not a good look).