Butterflies Are An Emotional Scam – These Are The Qualities That Will Make A Relationship Last
When we start seeing someone, we always tell our friends about butterflies. You know, that stomach flip you get when you see their name pop up on your phone or when they give you a kiss. They're great, but getting butterflies does not mean that you're a good match, or that you're going to have a good relationship.
After that initial excitement has passed and the adrenaline rush subsides, you have to make sure that what you're left with could be a real, healthy relationship. These are some qualities that might give you a fighting chance.
Be Realistic With Each Other
At some point, that bubble that seemed to keep all your good feelings and happy memories safe from the world will pop and you'll be faced with real life. It's important that you and your partner are realistic about what you want from a relationship and what you're willing to give.
Honesty Is The Best Policy
This one should be self-explanatory, but sometimes it isn't. Honesty is what makes room for vulnerability and trust, so if you're not honest with one another, you're going to have a hard time creating a strong bond.
Know How To Communicate
Knowing how to communicate is something we take for granted. We think that because we communicate (or don't communicate) a certain way, that we will be understood and that everyone else communicates that way, too. But, that isn't the case. You and your partner need to know how to talk to each other in a meaningful way so that you can make big life decisions together.
Set Clear Boundaries
You don't have to give everything up when you start dating someone. If there are things in your life that you want to keep just for you, you should. Having clear boundaries with one another is something that will help your relationship feel respectful.
Respect Is Earned
Respect is a big one. You're obviously not going to think your partner is the most awesome human alive all the time, but you should be in constant admiration of them, even when they upset you.
Show The Ability To Compromise
So many of us think that we will find someone who will meet every check on our list of a perfect partner, but that isn't realistic. You have to be willing to compromise on some things.
Understand Your Own Independence / Personal Space
You've heard the saying, 'how can you love someone else if you don't love yourself', and it's true. You have to be comfortable in your life and in your own skin to be able to be a good partner. Even though you love spending time together, it's important you both have some time alone to check in with yourself.
Be Willing To Show Forgiveness
Nobody is perfect, not even you. We have to be in a forgiving relationship. That doesn't mean that it's OK to cheat on each other or lie — those things should be deal-breakers. But if one of you makes a mistake, or doesn't handle a situation properly, you have to be open to forgiveness.
Come At Obstacles With A Team Mentality
This one is important, especially if you're building what you hope will be your forever relationship. If you both don't make decisions as a team, then you're going to find yourself in some trouble. You have to take the person you've invited into your life into consideration.
Have Shared Values And Interests
You don't have to like all of the same things, that would be boring. But having things in common is a good place to start bonding. It's also important to establish what your values are and if you want the same things out of life.
Support One Another
Your partner should be your number one fan. They should rival your mother for how over the top supportive they are. You want to see each other succeed and grow and want to do whatever you can to make that happen.
A Relationship Should Reflect Your Friendship
Your partner has to also be your friend. Think of how close you are with your best friends or family, and apply that same sort of mentality to your relationship. Tell each other everything, take goofy adventures, and always be present.
Accept Each Other For Who You Are
You and your partner are going to have to accept each other as you are, not as the idealized version that you hope someone can become. People are flawed, even the best of us, but that's because we are all human.
Don't Forget To Show Affection
When that honeymoon phase has passed, you might not stay as intimate or affectionate as you were in the beginning. Take time to hug each other and hold hands, cuddle, and all the rest of that mushy stuff.
Be Grateful For One Another
It's a tough world out there, and having someone in your corner who loves you is so important. You should both be grateful to have one another and all the blessings you have in life.
Spend Quality Time Together
Spending time together is key to a good relationship. This becomes a bit more tricky the more serious you get. You start going out with each other's friends more, you have your own busy lives, and life gets away from you. Making sure you have time to spend together doing nothing will do wonders for you both.
Stability Is Super Important
Stability is something we all crave. Being in a relationship with someone who is consistent will make you far happier in the long run than anyone who gives you the stomach flip because you don't know how long they're going to be around.
Be Able To Share
This is true for your feelings and your things. Of course, boundaries and alone time are important, but you're going to have to learn how to share your thoughts and favorite pillow with someone if you want a relationship to work.
Have A Sense Of Humor
This isn't to say everything in life has to be a joke, but have a good sense of humor about yourself and your partner. If one of you makes a silly mistake, laugh it off. Have inside jokes, send each other memes.
Always Make Sure To Love
Love seems like it should be simple, but when you put two people together it becomes one of the most complicated things we will ever experience. It should go without saying that you should really be in love with your partner if you have any chance of making it last.
